


Loki Makes Amends

by auntieomega



Series: A Marvelish Romance [10]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Airplane Sex, Anal Fisting, Anal Sex, Avenger Loki, BDSM, Bondage, Catheters, Daddy Issues, Exhibitionism, Fictional Orifice Sex, Hulk Feels, Hulk Sex, Hurt Loki, Hurt/Comfort, Jötunn Loki, M/M, Mild Gore, Mommy Issues, Mpreg, Nipple Clamps, Outdoor Sex, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnant Loki, Pregnant Sex, Protective Hulk, Rape (mentioned), Rimming, Romance, Shapeshifter Loki, Sick Loki, Tension Between Loki and Frigga, Urination, Vacation, Violence, Vomiting, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3914596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auntieomega/pseuds/auntieomega
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Loki falls in love with Bruce’s big green alter ego, Loki’s body and his son express their desires for a second child. Meanwhile, Loki’s position as an Avenger comes under fire, and his past continues to haunt him.</p><p>**This comes after "A Moonlight Koan," but you don't need to have read that (or any of<br/>my other fics) to enjoy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *I had Loki and Bruce get together in "Loki Gets What He Needs," which is set some time after The Avengers. So this series diverges from canon at that point, meaning Dark World never happened. However, there are nods to it here and there.

When Bruce and Loki had splurged on a dungeon bed—an almost obscenely sturdy four-poster black iron bed with top rails and numerous restraint options—Loki had pictured the two of them doing many things in it. Snuggling together with their two-year-old son Loden hadn’t been one of them. Yet, there they were, Bruce on one side, Loki on the other, with little Loden in between pointing out subjects and predicates in the book they were reading. It was _Alexander and the Magical Mouse_ , one of the several tattered books Bruce had rescued from his childhood. It smelled weird and old and Loki didn’t like having it in their bed.

Of course, it was out of print, so they couldn’t just read it on a tablet. And, of course, it was Loden’s favorite. It had rich, beautiful illustrations and told the charming story of an old woman who lived with a houseful of strange animals she had befriended around the world, including a noble alligator named Alexander and a mouse sorceress named Magical Mouse.

“But why are the townspeople so afraid of Alexander?” asked Loden, turning to Loki with troubled blue-green eyes. “He’s trying to help them.”

“Right,” said Loki. “He’s trying to warn them about the flood that might wash away the town, but they’re stupid and prejudiced, so—”

Bruce cleared his throat. “The townspeople are afraid of Alexander because they think he’ll hurt them. He looks scary, so they’re scared.”

Loden frowned and shoved his face closer to the book. “He doesn’t look scary.”

“He doesn’t,” said Loki. “Those townspeople are idiots.”

“They’re acting like idiots because they’re scared,” said Bruce. “To us, Alexander looks like a nice alligator, but to them, he looks scary.”

Loden turned the page with a sigh. “Fädir’s right; they’re stupid people, and they make Alexander so sad.” He stirred up suddenly, his expression much too alert for the lateness of the hour. “And if it weren’t for Magical Mouse, he’d be DEAD!” He kicked his legs beneath the blankets, disturbing Feynman, who climbed up Bruce’s leg and crouched on his hip.

“Maybe we should read something a little less exciting,” said Loki.

Loden groaned.

“You scared poor Feynman,” said Bruce, stroking the brown tabby’s head.

“I’m sorry, Feynman,” Loden told the cat with absolute sincerity. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Bruce gave one of Loden’s legs a little squeeze. “You’re right,” he said to Loden, but his dark gaze fixed on Loki. “Alexander is very fortunate he had Magical Mouse.”

Loki grinned. “Magical Mouse is fortunate he had Alexander too.”

“Magical Mouse is a SHE,” said Loden.

“Maybe in your book,” said Loki.

“This is the ONLY book. There aren’t any more Magical Mouse books. Magical Mouse is a GIRL.” He spread the book flat in disgust. Feynman walked onto the book and lay down on it. Loden giggled.

“Feynman doesn’t want us to read anymore tonight,” said Bruce.

“Aww,” said Loden.

Loki kissed Loden’s head and smoothed back his black hair. “He’s right. It’s late. It’s time for bed.” Loden hugged him, wrapping his arms around Loki with tight enthusiasm. Suddenly, he rubbed up and down Loki’s stomach, and then pushed on it, rather hard. Loki grabbed his shoulders to make him stop. “What are you doing?”

Loden blinked at him. “Trying to make the other babies come out.”

Bruce rolled over laughing. Loki glared at his back. Obviously, he would have to handle this alone. “I don’t have babies in me all of the time.”

“Oh,” said Loden. “Why?”

“Because I only have them after my fertilization stoma has been—”

Bruce coughed his way into the conversation. “Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Loden, what do you want to know exactly? Why are you looking for more babies?”

Loden cocked his head to the side. “Where are my little brothers and sisters?”

“You want little brothers and sisters?” Bruce asked wistfully.

Loden nodded an enthusiastic ‘yes.’

Bruce smiled, his eyes warm as winter cocoa.

“No, you don’t,” said Loki.

Bruce turned on him with that puppy-soft gaze. “I always wished I had a little brother or sister when I was growing up.”

“Spoken like an only child,” huffed Loki. To Loden he said, “Siblings are vastly overrated.”

Loden frowned. “Siblings?”

“I knew, in reality, that it was good I didn’t have any,” said Bruce. “But that didn’t stop the longing…”

Loden bolted up with Feynman in his arms and began jumping around the bed, singing at the top of his lungs, “Siblings! Yeah yeah yeah yeah! SIBLINGS! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!”

Bruce rescued Feynman. “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

When Loden continued jumping and bellowing, Loki pushed him down on the bed and pressed him to the mattress. “Inside voice,” Loki hissed in the boy’s face.

Loden stared up at Loki with wide eyes for a moment. Simultaneously, Loki hoped Loden wouldn’t cry and that he hadn’t frightened him too badly. And then Loden whispered, “Yeah yeah yeah yeah!” Loki sat up, grinning, then grabbed the boy by the heels and kissed his feet. Loden howled.

“Bedtime?” said Bruce.

“Hey!” said Loden, pointing to the rings on the bed’s top rail, “what are those for?”

“For after you go to bed,” said Loki.

“Wh—”

“Now!” And Loki swept him into a giggling bundle of Loden and carried him off to bed.

***

Loki crouched low on his jetbike as he followed the Hulk and Sword-Arm through the trees. He had completely lost sight of the others. He guessed they were still somewhere in downtown Anchorage, battling Sword-Arm’s savage zombie minions. The Hulk and the metal giant Sword-Arm had battled their way into a large, wooded park. Not wanting the Hulk to be alone, Loki had followed them. He had missed the park’s name, but he thought they were headed toward Turnagain Arm.

They stopped, grappling, in the middle of a trail. Loki raced around them, looking for an opening. Although one of Sword-Arm’s arms was a club, the other was a sharp-edged blade of adamantium. It was this knowledge that had drawn Loki after them, made him fly closer to the Hulk than he would have ordinarily dared.

Loki shot a bolt of lightning at Sword-Arm. The spell crackled over the giant’s armor, but seemed to have little effect. A second blast, however, delivered a little closer, brought its head around. The Hulk’s fist almost collided with Sword-Arm’s head, but the metal giant’s over-sized clubbed arm blocked the blow. In the same instant, the blade slashed through the Hulk’s body. The Hulk made a strange sound Loki had never heard before—a hurt sound.

As Loki watched in disbelief, the Hulk caught the guts sliding loose from his wound with a big green hand and grabbed Sword-Arm’s throat with the other. Loki felt sick. His heart beat so loudly in his ears, he could hear no other sounds. He hovered above the fighters, unable to think or move.

Sword-Arm clubbed the Hulk aside and raced away. Holding his wound closed, the Hulk growled and leaped after him. They crashed through the trees. Loki chased after them, his jetbike humming.

They broke into a clearing. Roaring, the Hulk caught Sword-Arm by a shoulder and threw him to the ground. Loki closed in. The Hulk snarled at him and swatted him aside as if he were some annoying insect. Loki and his jetbike flew into the earth some dozen feet away and carved a trench as they slid into a boulder.

His head ringing, Loki pried himself from the wreckage and limped toward the fray. He found an incredibly enraged Hulk still trying to smash Sword-Arm with his free hand. It would have been funny had it not been so horrible. As they closed with each other, the adamantium blade swung with purpose.

Loki unleashed his power. He held nothing back. He sent a jet of Jotun blue flame at Sword-Arm’s head. It flashed through the giant and waved around him. The armor melted with a hiss. Sorcerer flames roared over a scream. The Hulk watched his metal-encased enemy curl up like burnt plastic. He turned to Loki with a look that could have been disgust, but was similar enough to his usual snarl that Loki wasn’t sure.

Loki swayed on his feet. “I’m sorry. It was too close.” He fought the urge to vomit and had to shut his eyes.

When he opened them, he found the Hulk standing only a few feet away. What he saw surprised him to the extent that it overwhelmed his fear. The countless wounds he had seen earlier on the Hulk’s body were gone. Even more incredible, although the Hulk still held his stomach, the wound had disappeared. “You heal,” said Loki, impressed. “And fast. Faster than I do. Much faster.”

But then, he noticed something wasn’t quite right. The Hulk tried to pull his hand away…but his fingers were stuck inside him. He winced and looked at Loki with what must have been the Hulk’s ‘oh fuck’ expression.

Loki held his mouth for a second. His mind registered nothing but horror. “Freya, Skadi, and Forseti,” he breathed. The Hulk sat down. Loki tried to marshal his thoughts. “Look, it’s going to be okay. We’ll find Tony. He’ll know what to do. It’s all going to—”

With a small grimace the Hulk ripped his fingers free, reopening the wound. This time, instead of being a clean slice, it was a jagged, gaping violence. With a soft, pained grunt, the Hulk, holding his wound closed carefully, lay on his side, surrounded by magenta fireweed blossoms.

Undone, Loki sank to the ground near him. “You’re going to be okay, right?” he blinked away tears. The Hulk watched him with glassy eyes. Everything had become very still suddenly, the only sound, the Hulk’s labored breaths. “Do you know who I am?” Loki asked softly. “Do you know I love you?”

Something rather frightening that was possibly a smile, broke across the Hulk’s big face. “Loki,” he rumbled.

A big green hand, fingers outstretched, plowed a path through the fireweed and foxtails toward Loki and stopped just short of reaching him. Loki stared at it for a minute, then scooted closer and stroked it. Nothing happened, so he pulled it into his lap and massaged the palm and fingers. The beast sighed.

Loki dragged himself close to the Hulk and curled his body around the Hulk’s head. He stroked the Hulk’s hair. A light wind spun a few leaves free of the birch trees circled around them. Loki’s leg throbbed and his vision clouded. Too much. It was all too much. Sleep pulled at his eyelids.


	2. Chapter 2

“Loki?”

Loki opened his eyes to find Bruce sitting up, birch leaves clinging to his hair. “Bruce!” Loki cried, gathering the scientist into his arms. “Are you all right?” He pushed Bruce back to inspect him. Bruce was naked except for the underwear Loki had spelled to grow and shrink with his Hulk-turns. He didn’t have a scratch on him.

“I think so. I feel okay,” said Bruce, apparently amused by Loki’s exam. “Why, did something happen?”

“Yes,” said Loki with a twinge of anger. “You don’t remember? I thought you were beginning to fuse with him more.”

“It’s…there. On some level. But it’s like a dream you can’t quite recall. It’s there, but it’s...nebulous.” Bruce closed his eyes. “I remember fighting Sword-Arm…and….”

“You were disemboweled,” Loki finished, his skin pricking as he relived the horror. “And then your fingers—”

“Got stuck inside me.” Bruce cringed. “Yeah. That’s happened before. You’d think he’d learn. Idiot.”

“Yeah,” snapped Loki, giving Bruce a swat upside the head. “Idiot!”

Bruce glared at Loki as he held his head. “I’m assuming that hurt a lot more than you intended.”

“You traumatized me!” said Loki, clutching his chest. “That was a terrible experience!”

Bruce looked at him askance, but his expression swiftly turned to one of pleased tenderness. “You were worried about me.”

Loki snorted and pulled a small pouch out of his gauntlet. “Sometimes I worry about you when you’re you. I’ve never worried about you when you were him. How could you do that to me?” He unzipped the pouch, removed a little foil square, and shook it open with a spell. An emergency heat blanket stretched out from his hands. He wrapped it around Bruce. “You’re so thoughtless sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” said Bruce, his voice sincere and gentle. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Loki sighed. “You’re forgiven.” He resized a water bottle. “Hydrate,” he ordered, thrusting it in Bruce’s face. While his husband drank, Loki pulled out doll-sized pants, shirt, sweater, socks, and shoes. And then they became Bruce-sized.

As Bruce put them on, Loki withdrew a small cooler and flask. He turned them normal-sized, then took a long pull from the flask. Bruce laughed. Loki handed it to him. “I’ve had a rough day,” Loki explained sheepishly.

“I’m sure you deserve it,” said Bruce and hit the flask himself. “Ahh…scotch.”

Loki flamed his dagger. “I was going to bring wine, but we packed in such a hurry….” He cut the rind off the brie and slipped a piece onto a water cracker. He hit the cheese with a lick of flame before handing it to Bruce.

Bruce smiled. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. You’re extraordinary, Loki. It’s hard to believe there was once a time when I used to scramble around naked hoping someone would give me a blanket or some clothes.”

Loki basked in the praise, wreathed himself with it, inhaled it. He stared into Bruce’s face, a face which looked back at him with an almost impossible amount of love, and felt a terrible pang that this could have been taken from him. A need to run his fingers through Bruce’s hair and taste his lips nearly overwhelmed him. “You’re always so sweet to me,” said Loki, feeling confessional. “It pleases me to return that kindness.” He sighed and ate a few strips of the pungent rind. “We have grapes too,” he said after a moment. “And broccoli.”

“Loki.” The way Bruce whispered the name made it a synonym for love and raised chills on Loki’s thighs. The Hulk had said his name in an eerily similar manner.

Without warning, a memory of the Hulk’s wound blazed in his mind. He shook it away and tried to turn to more positive things. “I had no idea you could heal like that. You heal even faster than I do.”

Bruce inclined his head bashfully. “The Hulk heals faster than almost anyone in this universe. Even faster than Wolverine.” This could have sounded arrogant had Bruce not said it so frankly. He was a scientist relating facts, not a man boasting of his abilities.

Loki, munching grapes, startled when Bruce made a pained groan. “What’s wrong?”

“What happened there?” said Bruce, leaning forward to examine Loki’s injured leg. “That’s not where your knee should be.”

“Yeah.” Loki sucked grape juice from a finger. “So much was going on, I forgot to cast a healing spell. Time’s helping, though.”

“I didn’t do that, did I?” Bruce whispered, his brown eyes deerlike, anxious.

“No,” said Loki evenly. “I crashed.”

“Maybe I should hold you. You seem to heal yourself better that way.”

Although that wasn’t necessarily true, Loki sank joyfully into Bruce’s arms. He healed himself with a spell, then nuzzled against his scientist. “I can smell the Hulk on you.”

“Ugh,” said Bruce pulling away. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” said Loki, yanking him back and burying his face in Bruce’s chest. “It’s very…masculine. Kind of like wet wool and leather. It’s…” Desire bored through him like a drill. Longing wracked his body. He writhed against Bruce. “Ohhhh… Need. Cock. Now.” He snuffed up and down Bruce’s head then dropped to mouth down his torso. “Raw, Bruce,” he whispered. “Fuck me raw.”

“Uh…Loki? Baby? Are you okay?”

Loki squirmed against him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” Happily, finally, Bruce touched him. Either side of his neck, his chest, down, oh yes, yes—down—past his navel and— Something like lightning flashed in Loki’s head. He cried out and arched into the touch as flickering lights of pleasure raced through his body.

Bruce pulled up Loki’s tunic. Loki giggled ticklishly. Bruce tugged Loki’s pants down to his thighs. “A fertilization stoma. That almost explains it.”

Loki shivered as Bruce’s breath feathered against the unique orifice which magically appeared over his cock when he was fertile. Its edges were ten times more sensitive than the glans of his penis; it was a voracious, cum-sucking monster. Once awakened, it demanded to be fed. Loki lay, draped over Bruce’s lap, his arms outstretched in invitation. When Bruce did nothing, Loki groaned, sat up, and started removing his armor and clothes.

As if Bruce’s inaction weren’t annoying enough, he had the audacity to laugh. “Won’t the others be here soon?”

“Who cares? Fuck me.”

“I don’t remember your being quite this…demanding with previous stomas.”

“Every stoma’s different. Every pregnancy’s different. Shut the fuck up and fuck me, you miserable human—” Words and breath whisked away from him as Bruce flew at him and drove him to the ground. They rolled around in the wildflowers, then Bruce tore Loki’s pants off and spanked his ass soundly.

Loki kicked in playful protest. Bruce bit him, grabbing a big mouthful of one ass cheek and then the other. Loki squealed. Bruce yanked Loki’s socks off of Loki’s air-peddling feet. He nipped Loki’s hip as he flipped him over on his back. “You,” Bruce threatened, his laughter barely contained, “are a rancid little brat!” He bound Loki’s wrists with the socks. “Just look at what I found in the forest today? A bad little Loki brat in need of a pounding!” With a measure of cruelty, he tickled around the stoma and nibbled up the inside of Loki’s thigh. But he made a little dreamy noise as he encountered Loki’s ballsack and licked and sucked it tenderly.

Loki was a thousand points of pulsing need. He moaned, aching. He folded his legs around Bruce and writhed invitingly. Bruce continued to torment him. “You’re so beautiful,” Bruce whispered huskily, his lower lip raking the ravenous stoma. “Just looking at you here in the sun-dappled light—your skin all milk and roses, that raven hair, that gorgeous silken cock.” He mouthed up the shaft of Loki’s throbbing erection, smoothing his fingertips down Loki’s sides.

Loki could only speak in soft whimpers as Bruce’s tongue traced around his glans. Out of habit and desire, he lifted his ass off the ground and pushed deeper inside Bruce’s mouth when Bruce closed his lips around him, but what he really wanted— “Stoma,” Loki managed, the word a gasp. “Please. Need. Want….”

Bruce drew up and laughed. “Now that’s a persuasive argument for procreation.” He leaned down and misted the needy edges of the stoma with his hot breath, sending myriad thrills shivering through Loki’s body. Bruce licked an outer edge. Loki felt ready to pass out. “I love giving you what you want,” Bruce whispered. He sank his tongue inside and lashed it around the borders as he pulled on Loki’s cock. Loki’s eyes rolled back in his head.

Bruce alternated between sucking and kissing stoma and cock while his fingers probed Loki’s hole. Loki shriveled and curled around Bruce as the scientist worked his prostate while tonguing the stoma. But the pleasure reached such an intensity that it began to blur. Loki felt numb, as if his body were made of static. “Bruce,” he pleaded. “Bruce, hit me.”

Bruce stopped and kissed Loki’s navel. “I’m guessing you didn’t pack any truncheons or nipple clamps in your gauntlet.”

“No, they’re on the plane.” He wriggled ticklishly as Bruce laughed against his stomach. “I brought a catheter too.”

Bruce stretched up and gave Loki a light pop across the cheek. “Sounds like we’re going to have a fun ride home.”

“Harder,” said Loki. “Please.”

Bruce gave him a couple of hard jabs.

“Ohhh…yes. Almost. Just a few more…”

“Loki,” Bruce’s voice grew soft and serious. “After what we’ve just been through—”

Loki squirmed, barely contained within his skin. “All the more reason. I need some violence. Just a few good thuds.”

“Maybe we should talk about—”

His rage broke. “Must you overanalyze everything, you impossible zen fuckstick?! In your pathetic human state, it’s not even as if you’ll hurt me. Fucking Jane could kick your ass.”

Much to Loki’s frustration, Bruce actually considered this for a moment. “You know…if I couldn’t turn into the Hulk, I think that’s a probable outc—”

Pfffftu! Loki snickered as Bruce, with a somewhat strained forbearance, wiped spit from his nose.

“Brat.” Bruce threw a fist into Loki’s stomach, then pounded his face.

“No—Loki!” Thor’s voice—a bellow of disappointment.

“Oh shit! Loki’s evil!”

“No! Natasha, no!” Bruce spread his limbs and flattened, shielding Loki.

Loki lifted his wrists to show he was bound. “Not evil!” he cried. “Just kinky!”

Natasha still had her pistols out. “So…oh.”

Steve skidded to a stop beside her. He turned away with a groan. “Seriously? Doesn’t anyone ever just share a malted anymore?”

“I don’t understand,” said Thor.

“Your brother can explain it to you,” said Clint, coming up behind Natasha and giving her a sideways smile.

Loki groaned. “Thanks.” He freed his hands with a sigh. Bruce dragged the blanket over them. They sat up together within the blanket. As Loki leaned against Bruce, the scientist swung a blanket-covered arm around him, enveloping him as if with a strange metallic wing.

“Wait. What happened to Sword-Arm? Can’t you guys keep your hands off each other for more than five minutes?” asked Steve.

Tony laughed. “Yeah, like they can make it five minutes.”

“Sword-Arm—” Loki began.

“Won’t be bothering anyone anymore,” said Bruce.

“I don’t like Bruce hitting my brother like that,” said Thor. “Loki was a prince of Asgard once. And he is still my brother.”

“Loki likes it,” Tony said flatly.

“I’ve watched sagas of this on the network of Lifetime,” Thor said somberly. “Sometimes the abused spouse protects the abuser.” Turning to Loki, he said, “Love need not hurt, Brother. You can find someone who will treat you with respect.”

Loki snorted in disgust. “You fucking moron!”

“He’s just worried about you,” said Bruce. “Be nice.”

“And now he’s telling him how to feel,” said Thor, shaking his head sadly.

Tony sighed. “This is going to be a long flight home.”

Steve looked up from inspecting the wreckage of Loki’s jetbike. “What happened this time?”

“I crashed.”

“This is serious,” said Steve. “This is the fourth jetbike you’ve totaled this year—at the taxpayer’s expense. Maybe you need lessons or something. What caused you to crash?”

“I just…crashed.” He caught Tony’s eye and saw a light of recognition there. Tony’s face softened. Loki knew, in his own way, the inventor loved Bruce almost as much as he did.

“Come on, Steve,” said Bruce. “You know how it is in battle—everything happens so fast.”

“You, of all people, should appreciate how wasteful this is becom—”

“I’ll fix it,” said Tony. “Everybody can shut up about it now.”

Loki smiled. “Thanks, Tony.”

Birds sang in the cottonwoods. Steve absently polished his shield. Clint watched Natasha. Natasha stared at the ground. Thor stared at Bruce with a disgruntled expression.

“Uh…we were kind of in the middle of something,” said Bruce. “Can you give us—”

“What do you expect us to do?” Natasha’s hands went to her hips. “Take a few laps around the park?”

Loki growled, “You can go f—” Bruce’s hand blocked his mouth.

“Maybe,” said Bruce, “you could have a drink at—remember that little place on G Street, Tony?”

Tony grinned. “Darwin’s Theory.”

“Yeah. You can take in some local color.”

Tony smacked his hands together. “All right. Dive bar, everybody. First round’s on me.” As the others dispersed, Bruce thanked Tony. Tony smirked. “Iron Man doesn’t cock block. As you were, men.” He sailed away.

Bruce smoothed Loki’s hair back and sighed. “Where were we?”

“Wondering if there’s a YouTube video on how to explain BDSM to your irritating brother.” He relaxed a little as Bruce’s tongue outlined his earlobe.

“I’ll take care of it,” Bruce breathed in his ear. “Let me worry about it. You just relax.”

With a surrendering sigh, he closed his eyes and let Bruce’s fingers and tongue entice him back into the realm of arousal. But then… “Didn’t he see the way you tried to protect me? Fuck, you would’ve taken a bullet for me, wouldn’t you?” He scrambled free. “That’s insane. I’m more durable than you are!”

“I might have turned before the bullet struck.”

“Might,” said Loki, his face tight with concern.

“Either way, you’d be safe.” He silenced Loki’s protests with a deep, slow thrust of tongue. Whatever Bruce’s Midgardian failings, the hands fondling the back of Loki’s head felt sure and strong. Bruce withdrew with a soft laugh, burying his nose beneath Loki’s ear. “They showed up just in time. I was about to fuck your stoma.”

Loki caught Bruce’s face between his hands. “You should fuck it now.”

Bruce smiled. “You don’t even know what you’re saying, do you?”

“I know exactly what I’m saying. I’m saying we should have another baby.” He stroked Bruce’s hair away from his face. “That’s what I’m saying,” he whispered, eyes filling with tears, “you idiot.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce stared into Loki’s teary eyes and felt close to crying himself. But the next instant Loki was attached to his mouth and apparently trying to suck out his tongue, his skeleton, and maybe his dissociative identity disorder. He began laughing tonguelessly, unable to help himself. Loki pulled away, scowling at him. Bruce couldn’t stop grinning. “I so fucking love you, Loki.”

Loki blinked slowly, as if mesmerized, while his knuckles brushed down Bruce’s sides. He kissed Bruce very softly on the lips, then, bending forward, he kissed Bruce’s chest, and then the glans of Bruce’s ready cock. Bruce closed his eyes as Loki mouthed and sucked, letting his head fall back as pleasure washed through him.

But he couldn’t keep his eyes closed. He loved to watch Loki work. He reached out, tracing the elegant line of Loki’s spine, caressed the back of his long neck. A fierce suction pulled a groan through his lips. He caught Loki’s hair, wound it around his hand, and held it in a tight knot at the back of the trickster’s skull. He tugged Loki’s hair roughly.

Loki, sucking like the bastard progeny of a Dyson vacuum and a pit bull, somehow managed to take him deeper. Bruce gasped and tapped the side of Loki’s head. Loki gazed up at him, eyes bright with mischief, mouth full of cock. Bruce grinned at him. “Unless you can have mouth babies, I need you to stop.”

Loki dropped him. Bruce pulled Loki up by his knotted hair and kissed his furnace-hot mouth. When, at last, they parted, Loki stared at him with an expression of such unreserved love that he almost couldn’t bear it. He could do nothing for a moment but hold Loki close, their arms about each other, the soil beneath them, trees and sunlight all around. He tasted the light salt of Loki’s sweat, noting the tinge of fear in the faint mustiness of it. He felt a swell of sentiment, deep, unfathomable—some song known only to the dark and ancient earth. He kissed softly down Loki’s neck and pushed him to the ground.

“Be still,” Bruce ordered softly and retied Loki’s wrists and stretched them back above Loki’s head. Bruce licked his way down the sensuous length of Loki’s lovely torso, pausing to kiss his navel and tease the blood-engorged pink skin of the petal-soft glans. He munched Loki’s hipbones and stroked Loki’s thighs apart. He nipped and licked the arched knees, then pulled the pale cheeks apart to tongue Loki’s hot puckered hole. He tasted the edges, savoring the raw heat. He could hear Loki’s breath, whispered gasps that barely stirred the leaves. Smiling, he squeezed a handful of divine arse, then dove deep. His tongue might not have been silver, but it was agile and experienced—and it knew every millimeter of his trickster’s beautiful body.

Loki trembled and gave a sort of choking cry as Bruce’s tongue tip stroked his prostate. As his tongue loved the walnut-sized organ, Bruce massaged up the rigid staff of Loki’s cock. When Bruce’s hand reached the head, Loki muttered something unintelligible. Bruce flicked his tongue over Loki’s prostate and milked fairy sips of sticky precum from Loki’s delicate slit. This time, Bruce’s name was unmistakable as it broke from the sorcerer’s throat. Bruce’s nipples tightened with need; his cock throbbed.

He kissed Loki’s hole goodbye and turned his attention to the stoma. The aroused stoma created its own lubricant—an abundance of nectar, wet and sweet as a sun-warmed mango. As Bruce bent to give the stoma a gentle, sucking kiss, Loki moaned and writhed and his cock beat against Bruce’s head. Laughing, Bruce caught the cock, jammed its rosy head into his mouth and gave it a firm squeeze. He rubbed a hand over the stoma, coating it. With his hand gloved in slippery wetness, he pushed two fingers into Loki’s hole.

He worked Loki’s hole until he was able to ease his hand inside him. He loved being deep inside Loki, loved feeling the feverish heat of his body, loved pushing deep into his velvety cave. Balling his hand inside Loki, Bruce straddled him backwards. As Loki made an almost distraught-sounding little noise, Bruce sank his cock into Loki’s stoma. The position was slightly awkward—he had to curve his body and lean off to one side. But after many years of yoga, Bruce rather liked awkward positions. And how could he possibly resist the opportunity to take Loki from two fronts?

Loki writhed and gasped and seemed to be on the verge of losing his mind. His curling toes pulled up dead leaves and wildflowers; his heels plowed the earth. Bruce rode and punched him into a series of frenzied orgasms. Loki cried and flailed his legs, his feet raining dirt and fireweed. Bruce pumped and pounded, feeling as if everything in him were flying toward some far and finite point. And then he broke free. He came for what felt like an eternity, and in the waking dream of orgasm, what had seemed small and fixed expanded into something vast, transcendent.

He pulled out of Loki’s stoma and, shakily, dropped beside him to suck his quivering cock. He shoved into Loki’s hole up to his elbow. A grateful moan rewarded the effort.

He jabbed inside until he felt Loki beginning to cave. He pulled out, Loki whimpering softly in anticipation. Bruce squeezed Loki’s ass cheek. He loved giving Loki want he wanted. He punched in deep and hard, pulling a grunt from Loki’s depths. He punched over and over while gobbling cock until Loki came with a shuddering cry and an abundance of hot sweet cum that Bruce drank in ravenous gulps.

Feeling a little light-headed, he freed Loki from his bonds and sprawled on the ground beside him. Together, they stared at the vault of blue sky soaring over the dancing leaves. He took Loki’s hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed the knuckles. “The stoma will remain for three days? Right?”

“Yes,” said Loki, wincing a little as Bruce massaged his stomach. He grinned suddenly, leering at Bruce. “So we should make this the quickest Avengers celebration ever and go get our fuck on.”

***

It was nine o’clock at night and still bright when Bruce paused to kiss Loki outside the bar. Loki tasted like the shots of cinnamon schnapps Tony had kept buying for everyone. Bruce wondered if anyone had noticed the moderate, very unLoki-like amount of alcohol Loki had imbibed. He wasn’t sure how the others would react to the news that he and Loki were trying to have another child. Loki’s cinnamon-flavored tongue swept his concerns aside.

Natasha and Clint hugged nearby as they waited for the others. Tony was still inside, enjoying buying rounds of red hots for the bar; Steve had run into a fangirl, and Thor had found a barfly who hadn’t heard all of his stories of Asgard. Only the couples, Bruce realized, were eager to get back to the plane.

This was their first long trip in the new plane, a model made for extended stay with inviting cabins. Obviously, he and Loki were not the only ones with ideas on how to use their private quarters on the return home.

“This,” said Loki, stroking the angle of Bruce’s jaw, “is so perfect.”

“You’re perfect,” Bruce told him. And with the night sun glinting off his elegant helm and the slight breeze lifting his cape, Loki did look nothing short of ethereal.

So it really wasn’t surprising when a woman passing by on the sidewalk stopped and said, “Avengers!” whipped out her phone, and began snapping pictures.

Natasha sighed. “I don’t think…” She trailed off as Loki happily struck poses.

More people stopped. “Can you sign my baseball cap?” asked a boy.

“Yes, of course!” said Loki, seemingly unaware of the three Avengers cringing behind him.

“Can you sign my bra?” said a young blonde with a nose ring, slipping one sleeve off her shoulder.

“No,” said Bruce.

“Love to!” said Loki, marker in hand.

“Just the strap,” said Bruce.

“You have lovely freckles,” Loki told the girl as he signed her pink bra strap, both in English and in runes. She blushed a rather bright shade of crimson for a girl who had made such a bold request.

“Hey, look! The circus came to town.” Three smug-looking men in ugly golf shirts stood at the edge of the sparse crowd.  
“Those costumes must be worth a small fortune. And we get to foot the bill for that shit,” said another of the men. “Look at that! That helm’s solid gold.”

Loki frowned at him. “Gold’s too soft for a decent helm. And we outfit ourselves.”

“Loki, don’t engage them,” Bruce warned.

Clint stepped up close behind Bruce. “What the fuck is this?” he whispered.

“It sounds like they’ve been listening to those hatemongers on talk radio. Those pundits get their audience all worked up about the deficit, and then pin the blame on small government programs that barely cost anything—the National Endowment for the Arts, National Public Radio, etc. We’re their new scapegoat.”

While Bruce had been talking, Loki had continued to trade words with the sneering men. “I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but none of us are getting rich doing this. Bruce and I both have second jobs—and we still have to watch our budget.”

“Let’s go back inside,” said Natasha.

“We have the greatest military in the world. We don’t need a bunch of costumed freaks prancing around doing nothing but sucking America dry.”

“You have no idea what risks we run for you people, do you?” snarled Loki. “We risk our lives fighting monsters that would only be too happy to pick your bones clean. Every day we fight your enemies—we guard your weak and simple lives. Guard them—when we could so easily take them from you!”

“No, no, no.” Bruce stepped between them and threw an arm across Loki’s chest, catching his far shoulder. “C’mon, Loki.”

He pushed Bruce’s arm aside. “Do you have any idea how powerful we are? If I wanted, I could snap the necks of all three of you this instant! I could slay every human gathered here with a minor spell. The team of us could take out this whole city in about fifteen minutes. We could enslave you. We could rule you. We could be the masters you so deserve! But no—we’re heroes, so we battle forces of evil beyond your wildest imaginings, risking, not just our lives but everything that gives life meaning—and we get close to nothing in return. And now, it seems even the smallest respect is too high a price for the luxury of your freedom.”

In the ensuing silence, Tony pushed in front of Loki and spread his arms wide in a dramatic gesture. “And that’s just a taste of _Histrionic Heroes_ —coming to A&E this fall!” He started clapping. With a palpable uncertainty, the crowd followed his lead.

Bruce rubbed Loki’s arms, grateful Tony seemed to have things in hand. “Is this the stoma?” he whispered.  
Loki, so eager to speak only seconds before, hugged him silently.

* * *

Bruce had just finished giving Thor the BDSM PowerPoint presentation he had worked up at the bar, when Loki, hair wrapped atop his head in a towel, padded into the lounge and snuggled next to him on the stiff purple couch. The plane bucked slightly as Bruce gave Loki a light kiss. “Mmm,” he said, leaning close to his oatmeal soap-scented god, “you’re all nice and clean.”

“I’m ready to get dirty again,” Loki whispered.

Thor stared at them from the purple couch on the opposite side. A little pale, he slurped the last of his pina colada. “I’m going to go…and…uh…make some more of these.” He lumbered off toward the kitchen.

“Fucking umbrella alcoholic,” muttered Loki.

Bruce stroked Loki’s wrist. “At least Jane’s weaned him off those little plastic swords.”

Tony, who had watched the presentation as well, sat back and spread his arms across the top cushion, grinning. “Well, Cocky and Blowinkle, I wonder how many umbrella drinks he’ll have before that shit gets erased?”

“Reference?” Loki asked Bruce.

Bruce complied, bracing himself. “Rocky and Bullwinkle. An old cartoon about a flying squirrel and a moose.”

Loki exploded. “Horns! For fuck’s sake, Tony! How many times must we go through this?! My helm has HORNS!”

“So, let me get this straight. The blow part’s not a problem. It’s the moose bit that got your thong in a twist.”

“I’m not wearing underwear.”

“Fuck, Blowinkle, you’re one loose moose.”

Bruce couldn’t help himself and laughed convulsively into his hands. “Fucking Bruce,” said Loki, tugging his hair. “Don’t let this asshole think he’s funny.” But Loki was laughing too.

“I’m glad you’re all having fun.” Steve joined them. “You made the ten o’clock news in Anchorage, Loki. They spent more time on your rant than they did on the attack.”

Loki frowned. “That can’t be right.”

“It isn’t,” said Steve. “But it happened anyway.”

Tony looked up from his phone. “Yeah, and someone stuck it on YouTube.”

Bruce pulled up the video on his tablet. He watched it with Loki while Tony watched his phone and Steve watched them. Loki fidgeted. Bruce patted his knee.

“At least I look good,” said Loki.

“You look deranged,” said Steve.

“A really good deranged,” huffed Loki.

Steve sighed. “I don’t know that the way you look is the issue.”

Loki leaned over Bruce’s arm. “It doesn’t have that many hits. And the comments aren’t so bad.” He began reading them out loud. “Justin Bieber will live forever; Loki’s gay; everyone’s gay; this song reminds me of that song, you know, that song with all of the talking; John 3:16; the bigger the better—makeyousohugemansausage.com; he’s still a villain; leopards don’t change their spots—”

“We get it,” said Bruce and exited. “No one said anything too bad.”

“No one said anything good either,” said Loki, worry creeping into his voice.

“You accused everyone of being ungrateful and threatened them with violence and possible enslavement,” said Steve. “What do you expect?”

“I didn’t mean everyone. Just those assholes.”

Tony smiled wryly. “Those assholes aren’t in the video. Just you.”

Loki looked at Bruce with a pained expression. “Is this bad?”

Without even thinking about it, Bruce began rubbing Loki’s tense stomach. “No, no one’s going to care about this. It’s no big deal.”

“That looks nice,” said Tony. “I’m next.”

“What? Oh. His stomach hurts when he’s stress—” He turned to Loki. “Let’s go to our quarters.”


	4. Chapter 4

Turbulence knocked Loki’s head against the ceiling and lifted his too-full bladder. Bruce, on his knees licking the stoma, fell against Loki and crushed against the catheter. And then everything fell with a woozy drop. That and the bounce after were quite pleasant, but Bruce opened the closet door, freeing Loki’s bound wrists. He led Loki to the bed by the chain attached to the nipple clamps. Loki balked. With a mean daddy scowl, Bruce gave the chain a slight tug. Loki grinned. The sweet bite of the clamps’ little teeth pulling on his hot, swollen nipples made his veiny cock twitch.

And then everything twitched. They fell onto the bed in a jumbled Bruce and Loki heap. They bounced on the hard mattress for a moment as the plane jumped up and down.

Loki snorted in amusement as Bruce inspected him all over with a grave expression. “I didn’t say the safe word.”

Bruce stroked Loki’s perineum as he checked the catheter. “I’m just making sure you’re all right.”

“I’m fine. I like turbulence.”

“I don’t. Especially not this much of it.” He rested his head on Loki’s chest and breathed in deep, even breaths.

Concerned, Loki, still bound, rubbed Bruce’s back awkwardly. “Are you worried about Hulk?”

Bruce frowned at him. “What did you just call him?”

“Hulk. That’s his name, isn’t it?”

“Usually we call him ‘the Hulk.’ For distance.”

Loki shrugged. “You can call him whatever you want. I don’t need distance anymore.”

Bruce rose on his arms, hovering over Loki with an expression of strange intensity. The plane dipped and shuddered. The lights flickered. Bruce possessed Loki’s mouth with a sudden vehemence, the strength of his ardor driving Loki to respond in kind until Loki felt they might burst into flames.

A dozen swirling wheels of light flew careening through Loki’s body as Bruce entered the stoma. The room quaked, but Loki could no longer tell if it was the plane or his passion. Every movement felt electric, fraught with emotion and intensified by the ache of his bladder.

Bruce held Loki, and Loki held Bruce as well as he could while being bound. They pressed close, and continued kissing, writhing into each other, dancing like serpents across hot sand. Finally, Bruce picked up the truncheon from the bedside table and dragged Loki into the small, airplane shower. Loki moaned and squealed as Bruce licked a few more orgasms out of the stoma. Bruce flipped him around and shoved him against the cold wall. Loki’s laughter echoed against the white molded fiberglass. The cold truncheon parted his ass cheeks.

A laugh caught in his throat as he felt the truncheon skid past his prostate and punch against his bowels. Bruce plunged the truncheon deeper and harder. Loki couldn’t catch his breath. He couldn’t resist it. He could only open wide for the polished, unforgiving wood, could only embrace the delicious ache it generated in his bruised, needy flesh.

Bruce threw the truncheon outside the shower. It clattered heavily against the floor. Loki grinned as Bruce’s fingers bit into his shoulder and spun him around. Loki flattened his back against the cold shower wall. He slid down a little as Bruce fingered the stoma. He threw his head back with an ecstatic gasp as Bruce’s cock shoved inside him. He hissed and moaned, his ass and back knocking against the wall while the greedy stoma devoured Bruce’s cock and turned Loki’s body into a hide stuffed with shivering starlight. He screamed with delight as Bruce, fucking him violently against the wall, released the catheter. Yellow urine bled down the drain as Bruce sprayed inside Loki’s stoma.

Loki inched up the wall. His legs quivered. He licked his scientist’s lovely mouth. “That was fun. What’s next?”

* * *

They were about to start round two, when someone knocked on their door. As Loki was hogtied, Bruce slipped into his robe and answered the door. “Hi, Tony.”

Tony smiled. “I’m glad you and Loki are enjoying the new digs, but we can hear him in the lounge.”

“I would have thought these walls would have better sound proofing.” Bruce caressed the doorway, frowning. “What about Clint and Natasha?”

“I’m sure they’re having fun in their cabin too, but they’re quiet.”

Bruce sighed. “They’re assassins.”

“Yeah.” Tony grinned. “Assassins do it quietly.”

“Sorry. We’ll keep it down.”

“If it was just me, I’d blast some music, but Thor—”

“Ah fuck.” Hearing Loki’s cat-in-heat-shrieks couldn’t have been reassuring his brother-in-law much. “Is he okay?”

“He’s better. You explained it…well, more or less.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not sure the history lesson and the flowcharts were necessary.”

Bruce snorted. “There weren’t any flow charts.” He paused. “There was one pie graph.…”

“Uh huh,” said Tony.

“But everyone loves a pie graph. It’s the Uncertainty Principle of presentation graphics.”

“BRUUUUUUUCCCCE!” Loki called from inside the room. “FUCK ME NOW!”

Tony’s brows rose. “I thought you were the dominant one.”

“We pretend I am. He’s a brat.”

Tony shook his head. “You know you’re married with a kid now. You’re not even supposed to be doing this shit. You’re supposed to have stiff vanilla sex on your birthdays—maybe some oral on Valentines.” They laughed. “Seriously, man. The forest. Here. When are we going to hang out? We’ve got the latest _Battlefield_ on the big screen out there—and it’s way past four twenty.” He took a swig of his drink. “Whatever happened to bros before—whatever the fuck Loki is?”

“Fertile,” said Bruce. “He’s fertile, so…” He shrugged.

“You mean you’re going to have more kids?”

Bruce ducked his head, slightly abashed by Tony’s shock. “Hopefully.”

“BRUUUUUUUCCCE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!”

Tony raised his glass to Bruce with a grin. “Good luck with that.”

“BRUUUUUUUUCCCCE!”

“Loki,” Bruce snarled over his shoulder. “One more sound out of you and I’ll make you watch _The Hobbit_ dwarf song—in a loop.”

The plane’s engines droned over the silence.

“And they call Loki a villain,” said Tony.

* * *

With his tongue, Loki traced the edge of Bruce’s lower lip, drawing from the scientist a whispery laugh. Although coitus had officially ended some time ago, they couldn’t seem to stop kissing. They held each other, stretched beside the plane’s narrow, horizontal window. Outside, the moon bathed the tops of the clouds rolling beneath them in silver light.

“Fuck,” Bruce sighed softly, pausing to glide his tongue along the inner corner of Loki’s mouth, “I know we should get some sleep, but you’re just so—”

Loki caught the tip of Bruce’s tongue and gave it a firm, gentle suck. Bruce groaned with need, to Loki’s utter delight. Loki released Bruce’s tongue. He tugged Bruce’s lower lip gently with his teeth. “What am I?” Loki asked innocently.

Bruce rumbled against Loki’s neck. “You’re intoxicating,” he breathed. His lips caressed Loki’s ear. “I could do this for a thousand years and never get enough of you.”

“A thousand years,” said Loki, jarred. “Between my magic and Hulk’s power, you’ll make it, won’t you?”

Bruce pulled back. “Ah, Loki—”

Loki yanked him down and shoved Bruce’s face back against his neck. “You will. You must.” His throat spasmed. “I command it.” In a fit of emotion, he wrapped his arms and legs around his scientist. “Today was too close.” He couldn’t hold the tears back. “I can’t— I need you.”

Bruce squeezed him. “I’m not going anywhere.” He drew up and looked at Loki with concern.

Loki couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He could only cry.

Bruce held Loki’s head and kissed away his tears. Loki stared into Bruce’s dark eyes and let himself take refuge in the shadows there. His breathing evened as the side of Bruce’s thumb stroked in front of his ear. Bruce wove his fingers through Loki’s hair and massaged the back of his head. “I need you just as much,” said Bruce, his tone solemn, defiant. “Death will have to tear me from your side.”

Loki sniffled. “And my cock,” he managed in a choked voice, straining for levity without feeling any.

“Oh, Loki,” Bruce whispered and kissed him ardently.

Desire raced through Loki like wildfire. He tried to restrain himself, thinking Bruce might be tired and not wanting to push him. And then Bruce slid backward and began kissing the hardening shaft of Loki’s cock. Loki writhed as the slow, deliberate kisses marched from the base of his cock to his tip. He gasped as Bruce’s lower lip caught on the edge of his glans and shuddered as Bruce sucked the precum from his slit. “Oh, yes,” he hissed. “Yes, yes, yes.” Bruce’s tongue swirled around Loki’s glans, clothing it in moist heat and lighting it up with a hundred glorious sensations. Loki ground his teeth as Bruce dropped away to nose his testicles. Hot air puffed against Loki’s balls. Loki held his breath.

He released it in catches as Bruce’s tongue nurtured his sore flesh. While Bruce gently rimmed Loki’s hole, the short nails of one hand stroked down the inside of Loki’s thigh. The other hand slowly kneaded Loki’s cock. Bruce’s tongue plunged into Loki’s depths; Bruce’s thumb pressed up between the frills of Loki’s glans. Loki felt as if he were about to tear apart. “Bruce Bruce Bruce…” Loki moaned. He fought his ecstasy. “Bruce!” Lights danced within his skin. “BRUCE! SIT ON MY FACE!”

Bruce looked up from Loki’s ass, blinking.

“Please,” said Loki.

“Do they ever STOP?” The wall muffled Steve’s shout only slightly.

“We need to be quieter,” said Bruce.

Loki frowned and cast a spell with a few elaborate hand gestures. “There.”

“What did you do?”

“I cast a shield to conceal our noise.”

“Why haven’t you done that before?”

“I only worked it out a few days ago.”

“But why didn’t you use it before now?”

“I forgot.” He frowned anew when Bruce chuckled. “I can do so many awesome things that sometimes I forget what I can do.”

Bruce gave Loki’s cock a few affectionate tugs, then straddled him backwards. “After you come,” he said in something close to a growl, “I’m going to tickle you ‘til you piss!”

“I’ll piss in your mouth!!!”

“Promise?”

“Godfuckingdamnit!” Tony banged on the door. “Guys! Fuckingfuck!”

“Oops,” said Loki, adjusting the shield with a finger twirl. “That was increased volume.”

***

Loki brimmed with mischief as he closed the apartment door behind him. Bruce wouldn’t be expecting him back so soon. Loki and Pepper had planned to have lunch and take Loden to the Children’s Museum of Manhattan. But when she discovered this was their last day to conceive, Pepper had offered to take Loden to the museum herself—and even to keep him overnight. Loki had been content with the notion that if, somehow, his and Bruce’s antics after the battle and on the plane had failed, they would wait until the next opportunity presented itself. Pepper, however, had been insistent. “Go,” she had said. “Surprise him!” And that was exactly what Loki intended to do.

Music invited him to the bedroom. Its volume masked the door’s opening. A strange scene greeted him. Bruce was balancing upside down on the footboard in some variation of the inverted crow. It was sort of a Cirque du Soleil inverted crow push up. The maneuver itself looked bizarre, but, to top it off, Bruce was executing it nude while joyously singing along with Billie Holiday. “All of me/ Why not take all of me?”

Loki grinned so hard his face hurt. Bruce looked completely ridiculous. And Loki couldn’t have loved him more. He had to restrain himself from pouncing on Bruce outright. Under the cover of the music, he slithered free of his clothes and crept toward the bed. “I’ll take all of you, Daddy!”

Bruce freaked out. His legs, which had been curled, shot up vertically. His feet hit the top rail with a resounding clang. The next instant he dropped headfirst to the floor. His body followed him with a crunch like stepping on ice-covered snow.

And then he just lay there.


	5. Chapter 5

Loki had no air in his lungs. He knelt beside Bruce and touched him with shaking hands. “No, no, no, no. Bruce! Look at me!”

Bruce squinted at him blearily. “Loki?”

Loki blinked. “Bruce? You’re all right?”

“Don’t be afraid,” said Bruce, his voice soft and thick. “I think my neck’s broken.”

“No!” He muffled Bruce’s mouth with a hand. “Stop talking!” Loki silenced the music with a wave of his arm. He tried to breathe, tried to think. He wished he knew how to heal others. If only Bruce could heal like he could. A broken neck? That might take a weekend. No more. If only Bruce could heal like—

“Turn! You have to turn!” He freed Bruce’s mouth.

“I love you,” Bruce whispered.

“Get angry, damnit! Turn!” He smacked Bruce across the face. “Don’t look at me like that—angry! You need to get angry!” Loki choked back a sob. In desperation, he shifted into the form of Dr. Brian Banner, Bruce’s abusive father whom he had encountered while time traveling to save nine-year-old Bruce from committing suicide.

“YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!!” he screamed in Bruce’s face and punched him in the nose.

An instant later, it was Hulk who stared up at Loki with eyes that burned pure hatred. Loki shifted back into himself and stroked Hulk’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know any other way.”

Hulk growled and then groaned, suddenly aware of his predicament.

Fear closed around Loki’s heart like a fist. He had only assumed this would work. He couldn’t be sure. “Shh. Shh,” he whispered, caressing the face that had so often frightened him. “It’s okay. Be still. You’re going to be all right. You just need to heal. You can heal, right? You heal very fast.” Tears filled Loki’s eyes. “I love you,” he said, throat tight with emotion. “I love you. I love you so much. You have to be okay.” He kissed Hulk’s mouth, parting the big lips with the tip of his tongue and gliding it along the edge of Hulk’s as his tears fell on the green face.

He loved Hulk as if he were loving Bruce, pouring his entire heart into his actions, letting emotion alone govern his fingers and mouth. And then he looked again into the beast’s eyes, eyes which seemed softer than Loki had ever seen them before. “Do you know who I am?” Loki asked with a sniffle.

“Loki.” Hulk smiled. And then a big hand crushed Loki against Hulk’s chest and dragged him up and down it.

Loki laughed and sobbed at once, welcoming the rough treatment with joy and relief. The hand brought him close to Hulk’s face.

“Hurt Loki?”

“No, don’t hurt Loki.”

Hulk looked at him strangely. With surprising gentleness, he daubed a tear from Loki’s face with a big green fingertip and displayed it for Loki’s inspection. “Hulk hurt Loki?”

Loki understood and reached out to fondle an ear. “No. You saved me.” He nuzzled against Hulk’s chest while Hulk carefully stroked his back. He listened to the great heart beat beneath his head, listened to it quicken. Hulk’s breathing deepened, and Loki knew without looking that other physiological changes were taking place. Hulk was aroused.

Instead of the thrill of fear Hulk’s attentions often inspired, Loki felt a wave of gratitude and love. He decided to try something. Loki propped up on his elbows to look into Hulk’s eyes. “I’m going to shapeshift. Don’t be afraid. I’ll still be me.”

Although Loki was quite adept at shapeshifting, the spell itself required a measure of concentration. That, combined with the fact that shifting rendered Loki momentarily quite vulnerable, had discouraged him from shapeshifting with Hulk before. He held a breath. A blow from Hulk midshift could injure him severely. And, once shifted, he would have minimal access to his powers if Hulk decided to attack.

But, at that moment, more than anything else, Loki wanted to reward Hulk. And to love him.

Loki slid off Hulk and stood. His pulse quickened as Hulk stood too, towering over him. He held Hulk’s gaze as he shifted into his Jotun aspect. Hulk snuffed warily and touched a fingertip to Loki’s blue cheek. “This is my secret face,” Loki said quietly. Although he found his Jotun appearance repulsive, Bruce thought it beautiful. Loki hoped Hulk would like it.

“For a frost giant, I’m pathetically small. But I can fix that.” And he shifted so that he was a normal-sized Jotun. “It’s still me,” Loki said, worried by Hulk’s strange expression. His hand shook as he held it over his heart. “I’m Loki, and I love you.”

Hulk caught Loki’s wrist like a bear trap. He yanked Loki against his broad chest and kissed him with a passion that raised chills all over Loki’s blue flesh. Despite Loki’s being a frost giant, Hulk whisked Loki off his feet as if he weighed nothing at all and dipped him. As Loki tried to decide whether or not he liked being held almost upside down, a dozen kisses—rough-mouthed and soft-tongued—crept down his neck to his chest. Loki moaned and slithered against a wall of solid muscle.

The stoma, wet and hungry, caught against the huge pulsing shaft of Hulk’s cock. Just the slight contact sent orgasmic stars racing through Loki’s body and trembling out of his mouth as downy cries that stuck in his throat and begged for release. When Hulk flipped Loki upright, Loki wrapped his legs about Hulk’s waist and thrust against him wantonly.

Loki began to slide down a little, but Hulk held him with one hand. With the other, he stroked Loki’s hair and face. Loki, with a fevered determination, fed Hulk’s cock into the stoma. He stopped almost halfway, fearing he had made some dreadful miscalculation. Suddenly, he looked up to find Hulk licking one big green hand wrist to fingertips.

“No, no, no. This really isn’t a good time for—” His breath caught and he swung his head to the side as Hulk fondled his glans with a slippery hand. He relaxed all over and let Hulk rock himself deeper inside the stoma.

Loki caught the back of Hulk’s skull and kissed his mouth. Hulk traded hands, inserting a couple of big wet fingers into Loki’s hole. As Loki adjusted to the hot new fullness, Hulk licked his other hand and seduced Loki’s glans. Hulk continued pumping the stoma while tugging Loki’s cock and fingering his prostate. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed through Loki’s body.

Loki began to shudder too hard to kiss. He buried his face in the cleft of Hulk’s muscular neck. As Hulk deliciously invaded Loki’s body from every angle, Loki noticed a new sensation: Hulk’s hot, moist breath playing in his hair. For some reason, this sensation, so innocent and subtle, carried him over the edge into mind-blowing orgasm. He came in every part of his body that could come. He came in parts that had no business coming. He thought for a moment that his bones would break, and that he had become stuck gizzing and would never stop.

Just as the sea within Loki began to calm, he felt Hulk blasting inside him. He came all over again. Hulk hugged him. They held each other for a long time. Finally, Loki sighed, unhooked his legs, and slipped to the ground.

He stretched and was thinking of returning to his usual form when Hulk, with an admiring sigh, slid a green finger down the side of Loki’s cock. Loki’s cock loved attention as much as he did and cheerfully shook itself awake. Hulk grunted in approval.

“Oh,” said Loki. “What would you like to do now?”

Hulk’s eyes roamed the ceiling in a gesture that could have been—but surely wasn’t—almost bashful. He continued stroking Loki’s cock.

Loki’s erection ripened. Intrigued by Hulk’s coyness, Loki petted Hulk’s green beast and laughed when it lunged at him eagerly.

Hulk knelt and sucked Loki gently. Then, he stood by the bed, his back to Loki, and grabbed the top rail. He peered at Loki over his shoulder and growled.

Loki stared, at a loss. “You…want me to get in bed? It’s a sturdy bed, but…”

Hulk wiggled his ass.

“You— No,” said Loki. Bruce only topped. He needed to be in control. Bottoming meant being vulnerable, and, in light of Bruce’s childhood, Loki understood why that wasn’t something Bruce was willing to embrace. “We agreed years ago— And that’s fine—I love receiving—”

Hulk smacked himself on the ass and smiled at Loki over his shoulder.

“You lusty tart!” Loki had his hands on Hulk’s muscular ass before he knew what he was doing. He massaged Hulk’s ass and teased it a little, pressing his cock close. This was wrong. Bruce called him “the other guy” and “the Hulk” because he hadn’t wanted to admit Hulk was just a part of him. But Hulk was Bruce…Bruce at his most powerful. And suddenly, Loki understood. At his most powerful, Bruce could be vulnerable. Perhaps, Bruce had wanted to do this with him for a long time. And, with the scientist’s heavy emotional baggage, this was the only way that was possible.

Loki kissed the small of Hulk’s back and caressed Hulk’s thighs. He rimmed Hulk’s green hole with luxurious strokes of his tongue and fondled his balls lovingly. Using first one finger, then another, he stretched Hulk’s hole. He lubed his big blue cock with juice from his stoma, and entered carefully.

The feeling that he was invading something dark and sacred suddenly weighed heavy in his chest. He paused. Hulk pushed against him. Loki stroked his back and plunged deeper.

He reached around and worked Hulk’s cock as he tested Hulk’s depths. Hulk began to groan softly. Loki had to quell his excitement. He let his lust build inside him like a song, moved his hips to a soundless rhythm, made each thrust its own promise. He loved Hulk as if he were creating a spell just for the two of them, and he filled it with all the power he could summon.

They crashed into each other as the song from their bodies picked up speed. Hulk’s moans had turned into a softly punctuated drone, low and sweet. Loki, slick with sweat, pounded into him with all of his love.

They came as one creature and slumped to the floor. They held each other, heaving and damp. “I love you,” Loki told Hulk over and over. He was happy he had been able to share this with Hulk, able to do this for Bruce. And then he tweaked Hulk’s nose and grinned from ear to ear. “How was that for a puny god? Huh?”

Hulk crushed Loki to his chest. Loki’s head spun.

And then he was next to Bruce. Loki flashed back to his usual form. He hugged his scientist tight. “No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” he managed, voice rough with tears.

* * *

Loki snapped up from his sleepy half-doze, sending Feynman racing up the back of the couch. He nearly knocked the popcorn bowl over as he grabbed his phone. Bruce lifted his head from Loki’s lap. “What’s wrong?”

“Pepper,” Loki answered the phone, barely able to contain his fear. “What’s happened? Tell me Loden—”

“Oh, Loki, sweetie, no. Loden’s fine. I didn’t mean to scare you, but… Loki, that thing in Alaska—it’s everywhere.”


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, calls for Loki’s removal from the Avengers blazed all over the internet. #LoseLokiNow went viral. The twenty-four-hour news stations played the footage of his meltdown relentlessly and devoted a frustrating amount of time to speculating whether or not he would get fired and bickering over the possible outcomes.

“Don’t worry.” Bruce swung an arm around Loki’s slender waist and nuzzled behind his nearest ear as they walked toward Tony’s couch. “It’ll all blow over in a couple of cycles. Some politician will get caught with a call girl, or some pop artist will lick something, egg something, or die—they’ll drop everything and chase the new scandal.” He sighed. “It’s too much to ask that they report on the water contamination caused by fracking or the ice sheet melting in Greenland or another real problem.”

Tony, a drink and a decanter in hand, intercepted them before they sat. He thrust the drink at Bruce, then poked a straw into the decanter and handed it to Loki. Loki blinked. Tony answered Bruce’s whatthefuck face. “Nick’s on his way. This could get ugly.”

Loki sank to the couch. Bruce sat next to him. He rested a hand on Loki’s knee. Thor, sitting in the chair nearest Loki, sat forward with his ridiculous banana daiquiri. He seemed to want to say something, but just sat there with a rather bemused expression. Loki waited irritably. Finally, Thor held out his drink. “Cheers.”

Steve entered and took a seat opposite Thor. Bruce held Loki’s hand. To Steve, he said, “This is being blown out of proportion.”

Steve made a few adjustments to his phone and handed it to Bruce. “Have you seen this?” Tony leaned over the back of the couch to watch.

Someone had spliced the footage of Loki’s recent tirade with his speech in Germany when he was attempting to take over Earth. Loki leaned over Bruce’s arm, watching the montage with interest. He smoothed a hand down his hair. “Do you think it looks better shorter like that?”

Bruce kissed the side of his head. “It looks perfect any way you wear it.”

Loki grinned. “I looked so good in that coat.”

“You certainly did.”

“It’d look better on me,” said Tony, ice clinking as he tipped his glass.

“This is a serious matter,” said Steve, on the edge of his seat. “Thor, weigh in on this?”

Thor rubbed his chin. “Tony would look better.”

Tony dropped behind the couch, laughing. Loki stared daggers at Thor. Steve hung his head in his hands. Bruce finished his drink, sobering a little as he watched the video end.

Clint and Natasha joined them. “This is all ridiculous,” Natasha said to Loki as she took a seat next to Clint.

“The people need to have confidence in us,” said Steve. “This scandal undermines that.”

“The people can suck my cock,” snapped Loki.

“Exactly the sort of attitude we’re here to discuss,” said Nick, striding into the room.

Bruce placed Steve’s phone on the cocktail table as Director Fury came to a standstill beside Steve’s chair. Bruce waited for Nick to take a seat. Nick didn’t. “There’s nothing wrong with Loki’s attitude,” said Bruce. “When we’re in the field, he’s as dedicated as the rest of us. He believes in our mission as much as anyone here.”

“And yet,” said Nick, “when he opens his mouth, he sounds like an elitist villain threatening the very populace he’s bound to serve.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “They’d know if I were threatening them.”

“It did sound kind of villainous,” said Tony.

“Yeah,” said Clint. “And that slave part cut pretty close to home.”

Natasha frowned. “I don’t know if it’s what he said as much as his body language. You know, the way his eyes kind of bulged and that little bit of spittle.”

Loki quivered beside Bruce with the steadily building wrath of a ticking bomb. Bruce squeezed Loki’s hand. Loki turned to him with pained eyes. Loki’s rages always masked his anguish. Bruce sat forward. “He doesn’t usually spout off like that—not anymore. It was stress. He had just suffered a traumatic event. We probably shouldn’t have gone out. He should have been somewhere quiet, recovering, with someone helping him process.” He addressed only Loki then, cradling the sorcerer’s hand to his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should have recognized it. I should have taken it more seriously.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Nick. “There was nothing unusual in the report.”

“We did the same thing we always do,” said Steve. “Fight the bad guys. If he can’t handle that—” Steve looked at Loki suddenly with an expression of grave concern. “Loki, it’s okay. There’s no shame in it,” he said gently. “Sometimes soldiers get fatigued—”

“I’m not fatigued,” said Loki, brittle as dry bone. “I’m fine.”

“I almost died,” said Bruce. “Loki had never seen the Hulk injured like that before. It terrified him.”

Nick scowled at Bruce. “Why wasn’t this in the report?”

Tony swirled his drink. “There are a lot of things that don’t make it into those reports.”

“A lot of things,” said Natasha.

Clint stared at Loki. “I remember the shit those guys were saying that night. It’s not on the recording. If that had been me after something like that, I probably would’ve kicked some ass.”

Nick sighed. “Loki, you’re suspended for five months.” As a clamor arose, he added, “Paid suspension.”

“Just for talking?” Bruce asked, incredulous.

“The higher ups wanted him gone,” said Nick.

Clint wiped his hands down his jeans. “I’m suspended too.”

“I am suspended as well,” said Thor.

As everyone joined in, Steve protested. “I sympathize with Loki too, but evil isn’t going to take a holiday just because we want to support our friend.”

“He’s right,” said Loki. “Someone has to protect the people.” He sighed. “Fools though they may be.”

“While you’re suspended, get a handle on that,” said Nick.

“He’s probably going to be out longer than five months,” said Bruce. “We spent the last three days trying to get pregnant.”

“Is that what that was?” said Steve.

Nick shrugged. “That’s even better. That’ll give this plenty of time to blow over, you two can have a baby, and Loki can get his head on straight. There’s the plan.”

As if the meeting had been called to adjourn, Tony’s guests spread out from the sitting area. Loki walked straight to Clint. “I don’t think I’ve ever apologized for what I did to you,” he said quietly.

Bruce hung back, trying to give them space.

Clint shrugged. “I’m sure I haven’t apologized for everything I’ve ever done, either. It’s all right. We’re good. We’ve been good for a long time.” He smiled and clapped Loki on the shoulder. “I’ve seen you at your worst. This isn’t it. You’ll get through this.”

* * *

Bruce threw his keys into the basket by the door and slipped off his shoes. The apartment was dark and quiet. No one greeted him.

He found Loki lying on the couch with his knees up, staring at his tablet with Feynman warming his feet. “Hey, baby. What happened? Anna said you quit.”

Loki remained engrossed in the little screen. “Right.”

“I thought you loved that mythology research project.”

“I’m doing other research.”

“Where’s Loden?”

“Jane and Thor took him somewhere.”

“You don’t know where they went?”

“Damnit, Bruce!” Loki thwacked his tablet against his thighs. “You killed my space monkey!”

“Um…”

“Now I’ll have to start all over.” He sat up, stretching, raining crumbs. “I should probably get more pretzels first.”

Bruce occupied the spot vacated by Loki’s head. He rubbed Loki’s back until the sorcerer dissolved into his lap.

Loki looked up at him and sighed. “I suppose I can conduct that research some other time.”

Bruce stroked Loki’s jaw. “Why did you quit?”

Loki nuzzled Bruce’s stomach. “I don’t know. I lost interest.”

“I don’t understand. You loved working there. Your knowledge—your skill—you were great at translating those ancient texts. And you could interpret the symbolism of the myths better than anyone. You were great at that job.”

“I was great at saving the world too.”

Bruce caressed along Loki’s hairline. After almost four months, the media frenzy had died down, although some quarters kept it on a slow burn for political reasons. But Loki took little joy in the quiet and watched Bruce grimly every time the Avengers called him away. “You’re still one of us,” said Bruce. Loki only sighed in reply. “Would you like to go for a run?” Bruce asked. “Or maybe we could—”

“I want to watch TV,” said Loki. “I recorded some shows about alligators.”

“Great,” said Bruce, managing to say it without a trace of sarcasm.

“Good. We can start now.” Loki clicked on the television.

Bruce settled in for an evening of alligators. He had never found the creatures especially interesting, but having Loki’s head in his lap made almost anything bearable. “Carl Jung thought crocodiles and alligators represented the Shadow Aspect of our consciousness,” he told Loki, but Loki just nodded, eyes fixed on the screen.

After the second program reached its merciful conclusion, Loki turned to look up at Bruce. “These specials are horrible. They keep acting as if alligators are just mindless brutes. But just by watching these, I can tell what sensitive creatures they are. I’m sure they’re quite complicated. They’re the closest thing Midgard has to dragons—at least in the U.S.”

Bruce stroked Loki’s chest. “They have dragons in Asgard?”

“In the realms around it. I used to sneak a shuttle and leave—take routes known to no other—and visit places few even knew existed. I discovered languages no mortal lips can form. I learned the wildest of magics. I ran with wolves. I talked to dragons.” He blinked away tears and turned his face back to the television. Wiping at his nose with a knuckle, he said in a small, brittle voice, “It’s not surprising humans would get alligators all wrong. They only know how to demonize what they don’t understand.”

Bruce swallowed the lump in his throat. His poor Loki. It had to be a hard fall going from sorcerer prince who plays with dragons to unemployed, pregnant, suspended hero covered in pretzel crumbs. “Do you know what I’ve been missing? The beach. When I was at Cal-Tech we used to drive out to the beach on weekends. I loved it.” He sighed as Loki snuggled his hand. “Why don’t we take a vacation? Just the two of us? If we go to Miami, we can visit the beach and see alligators. Sort of a romantic adventure. How does that sound?”

Loki sat up and gave Bruce a tight hug and rather pretzely kiss.

* * *

Loki smoothed a hand down his front and frowned at his image in the dresser mirror. He examined himself in profile. It was even more obvious than he had thought.

Bruce sailed into the room, too cheerful by half. “I didn’t think he was ever going to get to bed tonight,” he laughed. “He might be more excited about staying with Jen than we are about leaving.”

“I’m sure he’ll have fun,” Loki said absently, still absorbed in the mirror.

“Are you all packed?”

“Yes. You’re packed too. Everything’s over there.” He pointed to the luggage by the closet without turning from his reflection.

Bruce sat on the foot of the bed behind him. “Oh. Uh…thanks, Loki.”

“Yes. See how useful I can be?” He didn’t mean for it to sound so sour, but he could feel his voice suck the moisture from the room.

Bruce stood, sighing Loki’s name, and hugged him. One of his hands joined Loki’s, outlining the bulge between Loki’s hipbones. He seemed to forget whatever he had been about to say. “That’s so amazing,” he whispered. “I never get used to it.” He kissed Loki’s neck. “You are the most perfect and marvelous creature in the multiverse.”

Loki smiled in spite of himself. Bruce made sulking rather difficult. Still, Loki managed a little pout. “I’m perfect and marvelous and showing.”

“Yeah, you have been for about three weeks now. You hadn’t noticed?”

Loki scowled anew. “I shouldn’t be showing so early.”

“Like you said, every pregnancy is different. Don’t worry. You’re within the normal range.” His hand played over the gentle swell of Loki’s belly. “It almost seems wrong to feel such a mixture of awe and lust.” His voice dropped to a whisper that tickled behind Loki’s ear and raised chills over his flesh. “Sometimes I forget you’re a god. But when you’re like this, there’s no way to deny it.”

Loki’s eyelids fluttered closed as Bruce kissed down his neck. One hand continued to gently fondle the firm knoll of pregnancy while the other massaged an ass cheek and thigh. Between kisses, Bruce murmured a litany of epithets against Loki’s crackling skin. God. Prince. Trickster. Sorcerer. Loki shivered with pleasure and wondered, not for the first time, if Bruce were some sort of sorcerer—perhaps a banisher of angst.

Bruce gave him a quick hug and broke away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m getting too excited,” said Bruce. He shook his head, laughing to himself. “I should never try— I so fucking suck—” He composed himself. “This is how this was supposed to work, okay? Humor me?”

Loki frowned at him in confusion. “Fine. Go on.”

“You haven’t packed everything. Look under the bed.” He corrected as Loki bent. “Your side.”

Loki grinned as he pulled out the slender package. He opened it and pulled out a long silken robe of an iridescent emerald green. He smoothed a hand over the sensuous fabric, watching the movement change it from green to black. He frowned at Bruce. “I thought we weren’t buying any more silk.”

“It’s not. It’s tencle—cruelty-free—made from corn.”

Loki pulled out a sleeve. It had a generous cut. He grinned up at Bruce. “They billow.” Before Bruce could say anything, Loki had the robe on and was tying up the sash.

“You like it?”

“Like it? I fucking love it!” He admired himself in the mirror. “It almost looks Asgardian.”

“That’s what I thought when I saw it. It reminded me of when you were talking about sneaking out to see the dragons. I thought it was almost worthy of a prince.” A sudden storm of anguish danced across his face. “I wish I had known you when you were young. Sometimes I think of you, feeling lonely and unappreciated, and I almost can’t breathe.”

Alight with warmth, Loki turned to him. He cradled Bruce’s handsome face, momentarily lost in the sensitive, compassionate lines of it. He ran the fingers of one hand through Bruce’s hair. “I feel the same way when I think about you. I wish I could have been with you every time you were ever hurt or afraid.”

Bruce wrapped his arms around Loki and began to rub the small of Loki’s back. Loki relaxed against him, letting his head fall against Bruce’s. “The other day,” said Bruce softly, “Tony was giving me shit about how much you and I hang out together. Nothing mean, just—you know.”

Loki grunted. “I know. He’s not alone. Everyone thinks we’re strange.”

“Yeah. But it isn’t strange at all, is it? We’re just making up for lost time.”


	7. Chapter 7

Loden had been bouncing with excitement about staying with Bruce’s cousin Jennifer and her partner, Ororo, while Loki and Bruce went on vacation. However, as they rode the elevator up, Loden pressed against Loki’s leg and said in a shy little voice, “I can’t go with you...”

“No, you’re going to have fun with Aunt Jen.”

Loden reached up to brush the slight bulge of Loki’s belly. “He gets to go, though.”

“He’s a silly blob of jelly who doesn’t know New York from New Jersey. He’s going, but he won’t enjoy a single minute of it. Even when he comes out, he’s going to be helpless and won’t know very much. He’s going to need you to show him how things work.”

“We’ll have to teach him everything,” said Bruce.

Loden stared up at Loki with great distress. “It’s sad that he doesn’t know anything. Can’t you eat any books or something?”

“I don’t think books would taste very good.” Loki led Loden through the elevator doors and down the hall. “And he can’t read.”

“Picture books?”

“He isn’t bored,” said Bruce. “He’s too busy growing. It’s a full-time job.”

Loki smiled down at Loden. “And it might be a she.” He paused and knelt. “Whatever it is, we’ll love it. But we’ll also, always, love you. No matter what, you will always be my Loden, and there will always be things about you that are special and unique—and having one baby or a hundred will never change that.” He put a hand on the boy’s shoulders; Loden wrapped his arms around Loki’s neck and gave it a fierce hug.

Loki glanced up and found Bruce watching them a few paces away. He gave Loden a big squeeze, then said, “I think Daddy needs help finding Aunt Jen’s apartment.” Loden tore off to show him.

Bruce hung back with Loki for a moment. “You’re so fucking sexy when you’re breaking cycles.”

“I’m always fucking sexy,” grinned Loki.

* * *

She-Hulk answered the door and pulled Loden up to her chest. Loden giggled crazily while she kissed and hugged him and swung him upside down. She handed him off to Ororo, then turned into Jennifer and hugged Bruce. Loki accepted his hug gracefully and gave Bruce’s cousin a peck on the cheek.

Loki and Bruce deposited Loden’s luggage in the living room. When prompted by Jennifer, Loden, with an exaggerated show of strength and industry, dragged the bags to the guest room. “Do you guys want some coffee?” asked Jennifer, heading into the kitchen.

“Unfortunately, we have to leave soon,” said Bruce.

Ororo frowned at Loki’s baby bump. “I didn’t think you were out of the first trimester yet.”

“I’m not,” said Loki, his tone defensive

“Are you feeling well?” Her obvious concern quelled Loki’s building hostility.

“Fine. Normal.”

“May I touch you?”

“Yes. Of course.” Often when he was pregnant, people didn’t bother asking permission, as if, somehow, harboring a fetus meant he no longer had autonomy over his body. Her hands inspected him gently.

“Long ago, in my village, I was many things, but one of those was midwife.” She smiled at him warmly.

He felt for her, as he had in the past, a rush of affection and kinship. She had also been worshipped as a god once.

“We had an ultrasound recently,” said Bruce. “Everything so far has been normal.”

“Have you been eating much salt?”

“He’s been eating too much salt,” Bruce said before Loki could answer.

Ororo shrugged. “Maybe he needed it. But some of this could be from water retention. Maybe some of it’s bloat. Have you been gassy?”

“No,” said Loki.

“Yes,” said Bruce.

“No,” Loki frowned at him.

“When you’re sleeping,” said Bruce.

Loki silenced him with a dangerous look. He confronted Ororo with every ounce of his Asgardian elegance. “I’m fine,” he told her. “I’m healthy, and I feel as well or better than I have at this point in any of my previous pregnancies.” He caught her hands and held them in either of his own. “I find your concern very touching.”

“I’m not simply concerned; I want to help.”

Jennifer, both hands wrapped around an oversized coffee cup, leaned forward on her elbows across the island. “Guys, I told her you two have had some bad experiences with hospitals and how you told me, Bruce, that in a way you were kind of relieved that Loden wasn’t born in one. So, we were thinking— What if Ororo were your midwife? Then you could have the baby at home?”

“Bruce and I both have experience delivering babies,” said Ororo, “so I don’t think we’ll encounter any problems, but if we do, we’ll go straight to the hospital.”

“Right,” said Jennifer. “And with a home delivery, you can have as many people involved as you want in any way you want. You can include only the people you want to include. It can be whatever kind of experience you want it to be.”

Loki pounced on the idea. “Yes! We can invite all of our friends!” He grinned at Bruce, trying to drum up enthusiasm. “It’ll be like a party!”

Bruce looked at Loki with apprehension. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea…”

“That’s actually a wonderful idea,” said Ororo. “It will be good for Loki—and you—to have a network of support around you.”

“Nobody has to be there for all of it.” Jennifer straightened. “You could have a few people who want to be there present when the baby is born, while the others eat crackers and cheese in another room.”

“We’ll have to decorate,” said Loki. “And provide food and beverages. Red wine, white wine—maybe something sparkling. I’m thinking low lights, lots of candles, lead-free crystal everywhere—uplight the ficuses so we get those nice shadows— Oh, and robes—green velvet robes! We’ll have them at the door and have everybody wear one—the kind with voluptuous hoods.”

“It’s sounding a little Rosemary’s Baby,” said Jennifer, arching a brow.

“Right!” Loki snapped his fingers at her. “Everyone should be holding a little sprig of rosemary. And we can carry that over into the TVP balls—lemon sage with peppercorn and rosemary?” He looked at Ororo for approval.

She gave it without a second’s thought. “That sounds lovely.”

“And lemon scones—drizzled with a honey-feta glaze.” He paused, suddenly forlorn. “I’m so hungry.”

Jennifer laughed at him. “I think I have some rice cakes. Will those be okay?”

“I suppose they’ll have to be.”

“Baby.” Bruce brushed close. “We ate before we left.”

“But I’m hungry now.”

“Don’t starve the man, Bruce. He’s eating for two.” Jennifer handed a baggy of rice cakes to Loki who began to gobble them right there.

“Are you having any morning sickness?” asked Ororo.

“No, I don’t get morning sickness,” said Loki, munching.

“Just in case,” said Ororo, “you shouldn’t let yourself become too hungry. Small frequent meals are good for your body right now.”

“I know Thor and Pepper will wear robes,” Loki said to Bruce, “but do you think Tony and Steve will?”

“I think we’re going to miss our flight if we don’t leave,” Bruce laughed.

* * *

“I love watching the airplanes take off,” said Loki, so close to the huge airport window that his breath fogged the glass slightly. Behind him, Bruce made some sort of noncommittal noise and zipped and unzipped his travel bag for the hundredth time. Loki turned around and was startled for a moment by the anxiety on Bruce’s face. He knew Bruce didn’t particularly like flying, but Loki had never seen him this upset by it. He rubbed a hand down the scientist’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Bruce said in a tight voice. “I’ll be fine.” He gave Loki a pained smile. “With the Avengers, I know the pilot; I know the plane is well-maintained. But with a commercial flight— Fuck. There are just too many variables.”

Loki grinned at him. “And you can’t control them.”

Bruce seemed about to refute the assessment, then sighed instead. “I’ll be okay once we’re in the air. It’s the takeoffs and landings that give me the most trouble.”

“Those are the best parts.”

That earned him a rather peeved expression. “Statistically, those are when most accidents occur.”

Loki squeezed his hand. “Let’s get you a drink.” He pulled Bruce toward the nearest bar.

Bruce balked. “I feel bad drinking when you can’t.”

“I’m going to get you drunk and take advantage of you.”

Bruce rolled his eyes, but relented. Once at the bar, they settled onto the padded stools and ordered a scotch for Bruce and a mineral water for Loki. “Can I have two limes and a lemon with that?” asked Loki. “Oh, and a cherry? Maybe two? Do you have orange slices?” The bartender gave him a glass of mineral water and a glass of fruit.

As Loki sucked a cherry from its stem, Bruce asked, “Are you hungry?”

Loki shrugged. “I’m always hungry, lately.” He stuck the stem in his mouth and, seconds later, produced a tiny dragon, which he handed to Bruce.

“You did not just do that with your tongue,” Bruce laughed.

Loki grinned as he licked juice from his fingers, pleased that his antics had made Bruce relax. He flapped another cherry stem at Bruce. “With this one, I’ll make the Eiffel Tower.” But he paused, touched, to watch Bruce fold the dragon in a cocktail napkin and hide it in his pocket. He was about to out his scientist’s sentimentality when he heard his own voice raging from the television above the bar. He looked up to find his face all over the screen. He sighed. Anchorage.

“We can go,” said Bruce, rising from his barstool.

“No,” said Loki, covering Bruce’s hand with his own. “Stay. I don’t want to run every time someone shows this.”

“That’s right, citizens!” said the pundit. “You heard right—that was one of our so-called heroes threatening to make us his slaves.”

Bruce shook his head disdainfully. “That’s Phil Bitter,” he said. “No one listens to him, Loki.”

“Remember,” said Phil Bitter, “This is the guy who invaded New York. Why isn’t this lunatic behind bars? He isn’t even a fugitive. He runs around pretending to be a hero.”

“I’m not pretending,” Loki bristled.

“With us tonight is Congresswoman Annie Muss. Congresswoman, should we be concerned about the effects this Loki might have on our children?”

“Absolutely. In my new book, _When Our Children’s Heroes are Monsters_ , I explain why it’s so important that we not confuse our children’s fragile developing minds with these turnstile heroes. I mean, first this Loki is a villain, and then, suddenly, he’s not. What kind of message does that send?”

“That people can change?” Bruce offered. He stroked Loki’s hand. “Such a radical notion.”

Loki strained to look nonchalant.

“He’s a war criminal,” said Phil. “He should be put away or shot.” He looked into the camera and smiled. “Go to our website now and vote on whether Loki should be put away or shot. Results at the end of the show.”

“He truly is a monster,” said Congresswoman Annie Muss, “and his use of—” her fingers arched into air quotes “ _magic_ smacks of devil worship. And he wears those horns. And all of that god business—what’s that all about?”

“It’s an insult to family values is what it is.” Phil shuffled some papers in front of him. “And then there’s this unholy union—I’m not talking about the gay part now, we’ve moved beyond that—but this American Horror Story of a marriage with Dr. Robert Bruce Banner?”

Congresswoman Muss rolled her eyes. “I know.”

“Basically, we have an atheist with anger management issues running amok with a self-deluded magical alien. And what are they avenging, exactly?”

Muss shrugged.

Loki felt sick.

Phil shuffled his papers. “I believe this whole mess is an attack on the American way. What do you say, Captain America?”

The screen flashed to a rather frazzled-looking Steve. “They’re both great guys. They—” His mouth moved in silence.

“Hmm. We seem to be having some audio difficulties there. But I’m sure he was getting to a ‘but’ there somewhere. They’re great guys, but they’re threatening our national security and the purity of American heroism.”

Bruce tilted his glass back and put an arm around Loki. “Let’s go, baby. We need to get to our gate.”

Loki let Bruce pull him to his feet. “But we didn’t get to see if I should be put away or shot.”

“You should be loved,” said Bruce, drawing him close.

As Loki looked into Bruce’s face, he realized every trace of anxiety and fear had disappeared from it, replaced by the calm strength he so loved and admired. The transformation, he realized, had nothing to do with alcohol. Bruce had rallied because Loki needed him.

Feeling as if he could melt, Loki pressed his face against Bruce’s neck, wanting to keep his threatening tears secret. He closed his eyes as Bruce’s steady hands rubbed his back. “You should be loved,” Bruce repeated, softer than before. Lips tickled Loki’s ear. “And you should be fucked, hard and often.”

Loki hissed in amusement. “How do you know me so well?”


	8. Chapter 8

A tiny moan drew Bruce’s attention away from _The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists_ article he had been reading on his tablet. Loki, curled against the little blue square of the airplane window, flinched in his sleep. “Ohh…Hulk.” Another twitch.

Bruce’s heart ached. When they had first gotten together, Loki had often had nightmares of fighting the Hulk. No matter how necessary that battle might have been, Bruce couldn’t help regretting ever hurting Loki. And he hated that he had played any part in frightening Loki so severely that dreams of the attack would haunt him even now. He put down his tablet and rested a hand on Loki’s arm. He didn’t want to startle the poor trickster. “Loki,” he said gently.

“Ungf…Oh…mmmm, Hulk. Oh, yeah, oh, fuck yeah.” Loki nuzzled the slice of sky.

“Loki?!”

Loki woke with a sleepy smile. He stretched like a cat and smoothed a hand down his trunk. “Fuck,” he whispered. “My nipples are like Tiffany’s diamonds, and my cock is like the Empire State Building.” He fluffed the coarse little blanket in his lap and leered at Bruce. No Roman emperor could have looked so smug and entitled.

Confused and unsettled, Bruce didn’t know what to say.

Loki’s self-satisfied grin crumbled in the silence. He crouched a little, forehead etched with worry. “What? Did I fart or something?”

“No. You were having a dream—a sexy dream—about—”

“About Hulk.” Loki gave an exuberant nod. “Yes.” He beamed.

Bruce had to look away.

“What’s wrong?” Loki touched one of the hands Bruce had clasped around his folded arms.

“I—” He took a breath. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s okay,” said Loki, his voice so loving and worried that Bruce felt even more horrible. “What’s wrong?”

Bruce winced as he spoke. “It almost feels like you’re cheating on me.”

“You were right,” Loki said flatly, “that is stupid. You’re the stupidest brilliant man I’ve ever known.”

“I’m sorry. I know. At first, I thought you were having a nightmare about him, and I felt terrible—”

“Right. So, when Hulk and I fought and he beat me, you felt guilty because you hurt me. But when Hulk and I make love, you feel jealous, because he’s not you.” Loki’s keen gaze challenged him. “Which is it? Either he’s not you or he is. The answer can’t be whichever one will hurt you the most in a given situation.”

“You’re right,” said Bruce softly, moved. “You’re absolutely right. That is what I do, isn’t it? I’m only happy to take ownership of the bad parts.”

“But there are good parts too.” Loki shoved the armrests up and pulled Bruce toward him. “You have to stop smashing yourself,” he whispered.

Bruce molded against Loki. He relaxed as Loki’s fingertips caressed around his ears. He felt even the ghosts of his fears dissipate. “I’m sorry, baby. The walls between him and me are difficult to pull down.”

“I know. But it feels strange when there’s a wall between us.”

Bruce sat up to look Loki in the eyes. “There’s never a wall between us, Loki. Maybe sometimes there’s a veil of fog or a mirage, but there’s never a true obstacle.”

Loki stared at him with blue-green eyes that misted love. Bruce held his husband close. Loki covered Bruce’s hair and shoulders with nippy kisses and breathy declarations of his love. Bruce always felt like the world paused when he was holding Loki. It was almost like meditating with another person, like they had carved some private space between dimensions. It gave him a feeling of being outside himself, of interacting with something greater—not just with Loki, but with something greater than either of them. It was similar to how he had felt when he prayed as a little boy—that feeling of being small and grand in the same sweet breath.

And then Loki pulled out his tablet. Bruce gave Loki’s cock a quick squeeze beneath the blanket. “Are we watching kittens or porn?”

“You have no intention of following through with that, do you?”

“Not here,” said Bruce, the rawness of Loki’s tone making him regret teasing the trickster. “It’s too public. As soon as we get to the bed and breakfast, I’ll give you a massage from head to toe, and then I’ll make you come ten different ways.”

Loki grinned faintly. “I so need that.”

Bruce kissed his nose. “You’re so getting it. I promise.”

Loki’s attention returned to his tablet. “Remember when I first began living with you and you were trying to teach me about Midgardian feelings and other nonsense?”

“Um…that’s not exactly what I remember.”

“Right, probably because most of it was a thinly-veiled courtship. You could barely keep your hands off me.” Loki drew each word out archly.

“I was nothing but professional,” said Bruce, pretending offense at Loki’s somewhat revisionist history. “I maintained a strict, pedagogic objectivity.”  
Loki grinned. “Do you remember when you sent me little quotes every day?”

“What a cheeseball thing to do! That wasn’t me.”

Loki squirmed as Bruce tickled him. “Dick. What you said earlier reminded me of this one by Rumi:

_Your task is not to seek for love,_  
 _but merely to seek and find_  
 _all the barriers within yourself_  
 _that you have built against it.”_

Bruce sat up a little, clearing his throat. “I remember sending that to you. It had always been meaningful to me, and I hoped you would find something useful in it.”

“I did,” said Loki softly. He glanced out the window. “I still do.” He turned to Bruce with an expression of stunned tragedy. “Why are the barriers so well-concealed and so difficult to break?”

Bruce cradled Loki’s hand. “They were supposed to be defenses. The kinds of wounds we suffered,” he felt chilled and pressed closer to Loki, pulled the blanket higher, “don’t just heal and fade away. The scars are always there, and sometimes they try to reopen. So…you have to keep fighting. You have to keep remembering what healed looks like, what you want, why you want it.”

“It’s so much harder for us,” said Loki bitterly.

“Other people have their own burdens. These just happen to be ours.”

Loki smiled suddenly and caressed a hand down the side of Bruce’s face. “Our burdens. Shared sorrow is half-sorrow.”

“And shared joy is double joy. I sent that one to you too, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” Loki pushed his thumbtip between Bruce’s lips. “Cheeseball.”

* * *

“Here it is!” Bruce called to Loki as he unlocked the doors of the tree frog-green hybrid.

Loki wheeled his luggage through the line of rental cars and frowned at Bruce. “Did you pick that color?”

“Maybe.” Bruce busied himself with loading the luggage in the trunk. He didn’t care if Loki was stronger than him and probably capable of safely hefting more weight than a pregnant human female; Bruce didn’t want to take chances with Loki’s safety or the baby’s. Besides, Loki liked being treated like a prince, and Bruce loved indulging him.

When Bruce closed the trunk, he found Loki in the driver’s seat. “Thanks, baby,” said Bruce, “but I’m driving.”

“I’m driving,” said Loki, bringing the car to life with a twist of his finger.

Bruce leaned over the driver’s side roof. “I really think I should drive.”

“No, I’m driving.” With little flicks of his wrist, Loki flipped through radio stations and adjusted vents and mirrors.

“You should let me drive,” said Bruce. “You’re tired, and I have more experience—”

“I have more recent experience! I drive jetbikes all the time!”

“Right.” This year’s four mangled jetbikes could attest to Loki’s experience.

“I WANT to drive!”

With a sigh, Bruce closed the driver’s door and got in on the passenger side. He braced himself as they pulled smoothly out of the parking space. He counted every turn signal as they left the parking lot and held tightly to the door. However, as they maneuvered easily through traffic and glided onto the freeway, he began to realize that, not only did Loki drive well, he drove beautifully. Not only did he seem to possess an expert understanding of how the machine handled, he seemed to utilize a pattern recognition skill to anticipate the movement of other vehicles far ahead.

“Fuck,” he told Loki. “You’re amazing. I don’t know whether to get hard or weep.”

Loki smirked at him. “Get hard.”

Only one small question intruded on Bruce’s happiness. “What’s happening with the jetbikes?”

Loki didn’t reply right away. “Hulk.” Loki flashed Bruce a worried expression. “My theory is he’s trying to protect me. Whenever I get too close to something dangerous and he’s around, he hurls me aside…into trees, buildings, dumpsters. You have a particular fondness for dumpsters, it seems. Or, at least, for my being in them.”

Bruce stared at the highway ahead. “All of this time, you didn’t tell me because—”

“I didn’t want you blaming yourself for hurting me. Or for hurting all of those jetbikes Steve’s so buttsore about.”

“Please don’t hide things like this from me.”

Loki scowled at the road ahead. “You make it sound deceitful.”

“It is.”

“Hulk was protecting me, and I was protecting you. That’s not deceit. That’s symmetry. That’s love.”

“You were hurt.”

“I heal well with time and spells. Don’t make this into something it’s not.”

Bruce watched the sun-drenched landscape glitter past the window at his side. The whole point in coming here was to cheer up Loki. He turned with affection to his favorite Norse god. “I love you, Loki.”

Surprise and relief obvious on his face, Loki smiled at Bruce. “I love you more.” He returned his attention to the road. “I was thinking, since we’re on vacation, maybe you’d like to spice things up a bit?” Tony leered at Bruce suddenly.

Bruce looked at Loki askance. “You know I don’t like it when you do that.”

“What about something really different?” asked Lady Sif.

“I wish you wouldn’t shapeshift while you’re driving. And no women. Especially not that one—she hates me.”

“You did really piss her off,” said Loki, grinning from ear to ear. “Best wedding surprise ever!” But it was Thor who turned to him and said adamantly, “I love you, Bruce Banner.”

“Damn it, Loki.”

And then a giant anteater sat in the driver’s seat, its long scythe-like claws curled around the steering wheel. “This is more your speed, isn’t it?”

“What-the-fuck? You can’t drive like that!” Bruce could barely talk for laughing.

“Yes, of course I can!”

Bruce stroked a tuft of the long black and white tail hanging off the other seat. “So why, exactly, do you think I would rather spend my vacation with this than with the beautiful Loki I love?”

“I can wrap my tongue around my head. Watch!”

“Wait—how are you reaching the pedals?”

“Magic. Bruce, you’re not watching.” The giant anteater’s tongue was truly amazing.

“Yeah, that’s awesome. I want my Loki back.”

Loki shifted and fell forward against the steering wheel with a small, pained cry.


	9. Chapter 9

“Loki!?”

The car swerved. Bruce fought the alarm ringing through his body as he grabbed the steering wheel. “Loki!”

Loki took back the wheel, but remained hunched over. “I’m fine,” he said, his voice a little rough.

“Take this exit,” Bruce told him, spotting a shopping center off the feeder road. “Let’s pull into that parking lot.”

Once they were parked, Loki put his seat back and sort of curled on his side facing Bruce. “I’m sorry. I know that frightened you.”

Bruce was more frightened by the pain in Loki’s eyes and the hand clasping his belly. “Don’t worry about me,” Bruce told him. “Let’s get you sorted out.” He unzipped the carry-on bag from the floor by his feet and found the stethoscope and fetal heart monitor.

He examined Loki first. “This isn’t necessary,” said Loki weakly, beads of distress-sweat glistening above his upper lip.

Bruce checked Loki’s heart and lungs and listened to his gastrointestinal sounds. It was still too early to detect the heartbeat of the fetus with a stethoscope, so he shoved Loki’s shirt up and strapped the fetal heart monitor—a gift from Pepper—around Loki’s baby bump. He heaved a sigh of relief when the heartbeat registered strong and normal.

“I’m sorry,” Loki repeated.

Bruce kissed him deeply, luxuriating in the familiar warmth of Loki’s mouth. Then he kissed Loki’s chest and rubbed Loki’s abdomen. “What happened?”

“I can’t shapeshift after the first trimester because it becomes too difficult by that point. I thought I would be all right, but I must be too close or something. I could feel everything reform the way it should, but something—I don’t know how to explain it. It feels like a pulled muscle or a sprain.”

“Poor Loki,” said Bruce gently. “Does it feel better when I rub you?” He concentrated on the pregnancy bump.

“Everything feels better when you rub me,” Loki purred.

“Then I should always rub you.”

“Maybe you should rub me a few more minutes, and then we should get some Chinese food.” He pointed at a place in the corner of the shopping center.

Bruce agreed, so after a celebratory feast of tofu lo mein and vegetable moo shu, they settled into their room at the bed and breakfast. Besides being near the beach, the room had a bay window that looked out on a lush garden. Bruce was grateful for the private bathroom, because, not only did he enjoy taking showers with Loki, he knew the pressure the pregnancy placed on Loki’s bladder made him urinate more frequently.

“We should go dancing after we fuck,” Loki murmured, one side of his face pressed into the duvet as Bruce kneaded his Achilles tendon.

Bruce kissed the arch of the long skinny foot he held aloft. Loki made a delightful little noise of pure pleasure. “We can go anywhere you want,” said Bruce.

Loki snored softly in reply.

Bruce snuggled next to him and stroked his hair. “We can go anywhere you want tomorrow.”

* * *

Bruce woke and froze. Loki, wearing his emerald robe, reclined on the chaise lounge beside the bay window. He held his tablet on his lap, but he appeared to be lost in thought, staring out the window into the garden. The sheer white curtains were pulled aside to reveal clouds of lavender-blue plumbago and straight stalks of lion’s ear, yellow as the morning sun. A cape jasmine anchored one side of the window, its large blossoms shining like white stars against glossy, verdant leaves. Loki, in the midst of it all, looked more beautiful than any painting Bruce had ever seen.

Carefully, Bruce lifted his tablet from the bedside table and snapped Loki’s picture.

Loki, who usually loved having his picture taken, didn’t react the way Bruce expected. He fixed Bruce with a morose stare. “I can’t forget myself.”

“Of course you can’t,” Bruce smiled, brimming with warmth and tenderness. “You’re unforgettable.”

Loki glowered. “Did you wake up on the fucking idiot side of the bed this morning?”

“You haven’t had breakfast yet, have you?”

“This is serious!” Loki hissed, his brows knotted and his eyes flashing.

Bruce sat up on the bed and leaned toward him. “I’m sorry, Loki,” he said, infusing the words with as much compassion as they would bear. “What’s wrong?”

The apology visibly mollified the sorcerer. He took a deep breath and picked up his tablet. “It’s right here:

_To forget the self it is to be enlightened by all things._  
 _To be enlightened by all things is to remove the barriers between one’s self and others.”_

“Zen Master Dogen,” Bruce said fondly. But when tears started in Loki’s eyes, Bruce added, “You left out the two preceding lines:

_To study the Way is to study the self,_  
 _To study the self is to forget the self,_

See how that changes it?”

Loki looked at him with hopeless skepticism.

“Dogen was a proponent of mediation. You haven’t meditated in a while. Maybe you should take it up again?”

Quiet tears leaked from Loki’s eyes. He cradled the tablet to his chest and stared out the window. “All I ever do is want. I want this. I want that. Even now, I want to be a better person. Want.”

“Loki,” Bruce said gently, “you’re being too—”

“I thought I was different. I thought I had changed.” Loki choked. He buried his face in the elbow farthest from Bruce, sharing his tears with the flowers behind the glass.

Bruce crept from the bed onto the chaise, announcing his movements with soft ‘Loki’s. Finally, he pulled Loki into his arms and held him close. “What exactly is this all about?” he asked when Loki was quiet.

“Seriously?” Loki sniffled. “Weren’t you studying quantum physics when you were a zygote or something? Shouldn’t you be smarter than this?”

He kissed the tear from the end of Loki’s nose. “This is about that stupid video and those jerks and that horrible interview with Congresswoman Crackpot. Am I right?”

In answer, Loki’s eyes filled with tears.

“That video is proof that you have changed. That unbelievably sexy but bag-of-cats-crazy alien who invaded New York City some years ago would have blasted those mouthy bastards into ashes.”

Loki’s face grew still and serious. “It’s not enough to let them live. I should love them. I should appreciate their humanity and their frailty. I should forgive them.”

“I think all Fury cares about is that you don’t let yourself get pulled into fights with civilians—especially on camera. Nobody said anything about loving them.” Bruce could see Loki working up an argument. “Wait—do you think I’m a good person?”

“You’re a wonderful person.”

“Yeah? And I can’t stand those guys. I wouldn’t say I hate them, but I am far from loving them. You don’t need to love everyone. Some people probably deserve a little hate.”

Loki stared at Bruce with deeply troubled eyes and stroked his face. Something dark and knowing in his gaze made Bruce glance away. In truth, there was only one person whom he had ever hated; he knew Loki had guessed that. “You’re still a wonderful person,” Loki said, his voice somber. “I understand what you mean, but I want to…feel…more. I want to feel more connected.”

Bruce stroked Loki’s hair. “Unfolding—that’s what it’s called. I remember when you started this. Me. Our friends. Animals. You started caring about people you saw suffering on television. You joined the Avengers because you wanted to do good. Now you want to deepen your connection with the rest of humanity.”

“Right,” said Loki. “I want to feel connected to all Midgardians.”

“Sweet Loki,” Bruce breathed, awed. “I’ll help you any way I can. For starters, you don’t have to love all humans. You just need to respect them, to realize they have intrinsic value, to see them as deserving the same rights you would give yourself. To see them, really see them. Even the ones that aren’t on TV and the ones you never actually see in your life. You just need to see them as your equals.”

Loki drew up slightly. “But we’re not truly equals. I’m a god, and they’re…well…not.”

Bruce bit his lower lip. “You know, we paid for breakfast with this room. I think the mangoes and bananas are fresh.”

“I feel deeply connected to bananas,” said Loki, grinning impishly.

* * *

Bruce lay on his stomach with the sun hot against his back. Everything was perfect. The soft roar of the nearby surf, the wind-muffled noises of the beach crowd, the salt-laden smell of the Atlantic Ocean. Even the gritty texture of the sand Loki somehow kept managing to get all over the beach towels they were lying on was perfect

He felt a sudden vacancy as Loki, who had been pressed warmly beside him, sat up. He sighed as Loki’s hand swept down his spine. “How much longer do you want to stay out here?” Loki asked.

Bruce lifted his head from his forearms. “We’ll go to the Everglades and look for alligators this afternoon, I promise.” Loki’s big toe shed grains of sand beside Bruce’s face. Bruce leaned over and kissed it. “I need to do nothing for a little while.”

“So…what? Maybe another hour?”

Bruce let his head drop back to the pillow of his forearms. “Yes, Loki. An hour.”

Loki frowned and danced his fingers lightly over Bruce’s back. Bruce laughed in spite of trying not to do so. “What are you doing?”

“Adjusting your sun shield. I created yours to allow for vitamin D production, but if we’re going to be here another hour, you’ll need more protection.” He scowled at Bruce. “What?”

“Just you,” said Bruce, touched. “You told me we didn’t need to worry about sunscreen because you were going to do a spell, but I didn’t realize it would be so personalized, so involved.” He flushed with a warmth that had nothing to do with the sun. “I love you, Loki.”

Loki leaned over, bringing his face even with Bruce’s. His blue-green eyes were bright with wonderment. “You appreciate my spells.”

“That can’t be news.”

Loki sat up. “I knew you respected my magic. But this is more.” He flopped beside Bruce and crushed against him. “This—this is so much more.”

Bruce rolled to face his sorcerer and embraced him. “It’s always been more.”

Loki nuzzled his ear. “It always is ‘more’ with us, isn’t it?”

“It always is,” Bruce agreed.

* * *

Loki walked about the foyer while he waited for Bruce to get ready for their afternoon adventure. He couldn’t resist touching the graceful curves of the grand piano monopolizing the space. It nested amid large palms in brightly decorated pots. Huge portraits of animals stared at him from the surrounding walls. The animals had been painted in a realistic style, but, variously, they wore hats, sunglasses, and masks. The paintings disturbed him somehow.

As he frowned at a rendering of a flamingo with giraffe print sunglasses beside a giraffe with pink-feathered sunglasses and a leopard with gem-studded sunglasses, a long-haired black cat hopped onto the piano bench near him and butted its head against his leg. Loki met the cat’s demands for attention, petting it as it wove around his hand. Finally, he leaned down and brushed his nose against its broad forehead and scratched its fluffy cheeks.

“Bela usually avoids the guests.”

Loki, arms now full of black cat, grinned at Rafa, one of the bed and breakfast’s elderly proprietors. The frail man was dressed in a trim, purple suit. “Animals like me,” Loki explained. To the cat, he said, “Is that your name, beautiful? Isabella?”

“Oh, no,” said Rafa, raising his over-tweezed brows. They looked as if they had been penciled to match the impossible caramel of his double-combed hair. “He’s a little man cat. He’s named after Bela Lugosi. If you see a big blue point lounging about, that’s Vincent Price. Moran named them; he loves the old monster movies.”

Almost unconsciously, Loki gazed again at the painting of the animals wearing sunglasses. “That’s supposed to be fun, isn’t it?”

Rafa laughed. “It’s kitsch, dear. Yes.”

Loki stroked the cat’s throat. “Still, it feels like it’s supposed to mean something.”

“It does,” said Rafa, moving beside Loki to stare at the painting with him. “It’s about empathy. The flamingo and the giraffe are able to see through each other’s eyes.”

“What about the leopard?”

“Cats see what they want.”

Loki pulled Bela up to his face and grounded his scowl in midnight fur. “Cats might be capable of empathy. They’re certainly capable of love.”

“I never said they weren’t,” said Rafa softly. “They’re independent. They see their own way. That makes them special. It doesn’t make them wrong.”

* * *

“There’s one,” said Bruce, crouched behind a thicket of cattails. “He’s easily twelve feet.” He handed the binoculars to Loki, who crammed the last half of the foot-long veggie sandwich he had been eating down his throat and snapped them up.

“He’s beautiful,” Loki breathed. “Look at the way he cuts through the water. Such power and agility.”

The rapture in Loki’s voice made Bruce forget he was in a muddy swamp. A rush of desire for his naturalist prince made him almost dizzy. Blood roared in his ears and beat in his cock as Loki gave the binoculars back to him.

Loki grinned. “Midgardian water dragons turn you on?”

“You turn me on,” said Bruce. “Always.” He reined himself in. They had come here to watch alligators, not to fuck. This was important to Loki, and anything important to Loki was important to him. He held up the binoculars and steadied his breath. “Two more are by the big one now. They look small compared to the big guy, but I bet they’re each about eight feet. Fuck, there’s another one. That big one is huge. What do you think he weighs?” Silence answered him. And then he saw Loki, naked, lilting through the black water toward the alligators.

Bruce’s blood froze in his veins. Some sort of growling filled the air. In a breathless green space between heartbeats, he watched the largest alligator turn toward Loki with its great mouth—pale as death and bristling with cruel teeth—wide open. Water churned from armored tails, and Bruce lost himself to horror and green fire.


	10. Chapter 10

Loki arched his back, letting droplets fall from his fanned fingers, and called more Midgardian water dragons from the nearby sandbanks. The huge male sang with him. The others raised their heads vertically and lashed their tails, making the water dance.

A familiar growl rose above the din. Hulk splashed toward them.

Loki signaled him to stop with a spread palm. “Be still,” he urged. “Don’t frighten them.”

Hulk stopped, but did not look happy about it.

Loki stroked the alligators and kissed their snouts. “See?” he told Hulk. “I’m in no danger.” Hulk watched, every green muscle a coiled spring. Loki felt tempted to leave him that way. Loki didn’t want to risk shapeshifting. He wouldn’t be able to become the frost giant Hulk enjoyed as a romantic partner. And he didn’t want Hulk getting close enough to throw him somewhere. He also didn’t like the idea of Hulk fighting the Midgardian water dragons.

But as Hulk continued to watch Loki and the alligators, the big guy’s suspicion seemed to ebb. The green shoulders relaxed. His expression didn’t look angry as much as dejected.

“I’m sorry you turned,” Loki told him. “I’m sorry I frightened you. I wanted to share this with you, but… It’s better if you stay there.” More alligators swirled around Loki, their sinuous movements creating eddies that caught the light and flashed in the dark water. Loki couldn’t take his eyes off Hulk, who loomed in the shallows, an outsider.

So many times Loki had watched Thor and his friends with a feeling he saw displayed on Hulk’s face. He had always known, even as he tried to be one of them, that something held him apart. The old pain of that rejection filled him with an ache like a stretched scar; even healed wounds sometimes caused pain.

“Fuck it,” said Loki. Surrounded by alligators, he held out a welcoming hand. “Come meet the dragons, my love. Come on, Hulk. It’s okay. There are no barriers between us.”

Hulk splashed toward him eagerly. Loki, chest-deep in swamp and alligators, stood his ground. He licked his lips and tried to be calm.

Hulk sat down with a rolling black wave that lifted Loki and the alligators momentarily. With a serious intensity, he brushed his fingers over the back of one of the alligators. He grunted and stroked another’s head. They swam around him as he petted them, a few rolling on their backs for belly rubs. Hulk distributed his attentions with Bruce’s fairness, leaving no alligator unloved. His brow furrowed as he concentrated, but he began making soft, burbling noises of affection as alligators surrounded him completely and crawled onto his thighs. The sight reminded Loki of Loden playing with his rubber alligators in the bathtub.

And then Hulk gazed at Loki with soft eyes. Loki smiled up at him. Hulk looked so innocent. Nevertheless, a thrill of fear shot through Loki as Hulk’s hands caught him beneath his arms and lifted him from the alligator-infested water, naked and dripping. With surprising gentleness, Hulk kissed Loki’s lips and cradled him against his chest.

Resting his cheek against Hulk’s shoulder, Loki closed his eyes in the cave created by Hulk’s bent head. All around him, the sounds of water danced. Surrounded by Midgardian water dragons and held by the monster he had once feared, he felt filled with a deep, powerful calm.

He stroked Hulk’s neck. “You’re not a monster,” he whispered. “He was. None of it was your fault.”

Hulk gave a small groan and squeezed Loki just a little too tightly. Then he sat him down and bent to kiss him. Slow, heavy drops of rain began to fall around them.

And then Loki found himself kissing Bruce. Rain fell in shimmering drops as the sun continued to shine. With a gasp of emotion, Bruce broke away to kiss Loki’s forehead, cheeks, and ears. “You wondrous, clever, clever creature,” he breathed against Loki’s neck. “Thank you.” He repeated it over and over, soft as kisses, gentle as the rain.

Overcome by an impulse, Loki grabbed Bruce’s hands and leaned back. He smirked as Bruce, without instruction, seemed to realize what he wanted to do. They spun in circles, laughing and splashing, while the alligators churned about them. Finally, they stopped, grinning at each other in dizzy, wet happiness.

Loki panted. “So, you remember what I said to Hulk?”

“I remember everything. Loki, I remember the entire turn,” said Bruce excitedly. “Every picosecond!” He sobered as he looked about him. “But this is getting insane. You can control this many?”

“I’m not controlling them. I called them. It’s difficult to explain.” He pointed over Bruce’s shoulder. “Rainbow!”

Bruce laughed and kissed him, grabbing handfuls of his wet hair and tugging lightly. Loki could taste the rain on Bruce’s lips. The familiar warmth of his breath and his mouth contrasted with the coolness of the rain and his wet skin. An alligator brushed against them. “Fuck,” said Bruce. “What do we do with this alligator army?”

Loki threw his arms over his head. “Now we take Berlin!” He shrugged at Bruce’s frown. “Kidding.”

* * *

The sight of the moon rising over the waves filled Loki with joy. Despite the earlier showers, the evening sky could not have been clearer. They were clean and civilized again, but Loki could feel the wildness of the swamp lurking beneath his skin, and the chalk-white moon begged him to follow it. As he and Bruce exited the restaurant, he squeezed Bruce’s hand and brushed up against him. Bruce squeezed back and paused to kiss his mouth, a hand stroking his temple as it held Loki’s breeze-blown hair away from his face.

“Walk on the beach?” Bruce asked.

“Right,” Loki grinned. “Walk.”

“You can’t be serious!” cried a voice from the shadows nearby. “I can never get away from this shit!”

“Coulson?” Loki turned toward the voice as Bruce slid in front of him.

“That’s him?” said a stern-looking woman approaching from the side. “The one hiding behind his boyfriend?”

“Yes, May,” said Agent Coulson, “that’s him. Loki, the so-called god, who killed me.”

“Except he’s an Avenger now, and I’m not his boyfriend—I’m his husband,” said Bruce. “And if the Cavalry makes one more move toward Loki, they’ll have to call her General Custer.”

Coulson smiled coldly. “Banner. What brings you to Miami? Here to drink some Cuban coffee and mindlessly demolish a few neighborhoods?”

While Loki found this situation embarrassing, he could tell Bruce considered it an actual threat. Hulk lurked just beneath the surface of Bruce’s skin, ready to emerge at any moment. Loki rubbed a hand up Bruce’s back. “We don’t want any trouble,” said Loki, meaning it.

Coulson laughed. “You are trouble! You might have Fury fooled, but not me. You’re a villain—and you’ll always be one.”

“You need to put this behind you,” said Bruce, his voice firm and calm despite the fact that Loki could almost smell Hulk on him.

“I have,” said Coulson. “But every time I see him, it’s in front of me again.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“He killed me!”

“You look okay to me.”

Coulson shook his head in disgust. “He’s a war criminal. A fucking war criminal. He doesn’t deserve to be with the Avengers.”

“I’m sick of people throwing that term around,” Bruce said. “Calling Loki a war criminal insults the victims of actual war crimes and makes light of real atrocities. He was an alien and never signed any of our international agreements or treaties and wasn’t subject to our laws. And still, by most human standards, the invasion he led was quaint. Almost gentlemanly. He might as well have shown up in stockings and a waistcoat and challenged us to pistols at dawn.”

“That invasion resulted in almost two thousand human casualties.”

“Was it that many?” Loki whispered. Somehow, every time he heard the death toll, it seemed worse. He could see faces with those numbers now, could imagine lives, could imagine people mourning their loved ones.

“And that’s terrible,” said Bruce. “But there are always casualties in war. That’s why wars should be avoided.” He rubbed Loki’s arm. “Loki was raised in a society that worshipped war and had little regard for peace. But he’s different now.”

“He’s still an evil fucking alien war criminal.”

“Shooting an enemy combatant while trying to escape isn’t a war crime. The My Lai Massacre—where some reports say over five hundred civilians were raped, tortured, maimed and killed by U.S. soldiers—those were war crimes. How about the 1971 Bangladesh atrocities where one to three million Bengali people were killed in nine months? Those were war crimes. The list goes on and on,” said Bruce. “We’ve done things to each other Loki could never have conceived of in his most wicked moments. We humans have used chemical weapons against each other; we inter people in camps without due process; we’ve used children to sweep minefields; we’ve used children as soldiers. Again and again we listen to our fear and our hate. We shift blame, obfuscate policies, redefine terms, and find new ways of stripping people of their rights when it suits us to do so. I don’t believe Loki’s a war criminal, but if he wanted to learn about war crimes, he came to the right planet.”

“That,” said Coulson, his gaze dropping to his shoes, “doesn’t make me feel better.”

Loki edged out from behind Bruce. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Coulson looked up, anguish naked on his face. “You didn’t accidentally step on my toe. You KILLED me. You—” He heaved a sob and covered his eyes.

Loki rushed toward him and enfolded him in his arms. “I’m sorry,” he told the agent softly. “I didn’t see you before. I couldn’t. I could only see an object. But now—” He rubbed Coulson’s back as he might have rubbed Loden’s. “I know we’re connected.”

Coulson pulled back a little, blinking away tears. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Loki coaxed Coulson’s head back onto his shoulder. “Let me help you.” His spell surrounded them for an instant with pearly light. He held Coulson close as Bruce growled behind him at May somewhere nearby. The burden was greater than he had expected, but he accepted it. “No wonder. I’m sorry—I’m so sorry.” He pressed the side of his face against Coulson’s head and patted his back gently. “This won’t change what happened, but you should feel better. Maybe you can move on now.”

Sickened, Loki let Bruce draw him away and wilted against him. Coulson straightened as May caught his shoulder. “I feel so…clear.” He wiped his eyes. “That’s a hundred times better than Prozac.”

Loki smiled weakly. “And it won’t affect your libido.”

“What did you do to him?” May demanded.

“I took away his sadness.”

Bruce spun Loki around. “You can do that?”

“I caused it,” said Loki. “It was mine to take. Such are the laws of magic.”

Bruce smoothed his hands down Loki’s arms. “Are you going to be okay?”

Loki pressed his chest against Bruce’s. “I’m capable of handling vast amounts of sadness. Besides, it needed to be done.”

“He is different, isn’t he?” Coulson’s demeanor and voice had turned airy and light.

Bruce rubbed the base of Loki’s skull. “Yeah. If this were Dungeons and Dragons, I’d say his alignment shifted.”

Coulson grinned. “Chaotic evil to chaotic good.”

“No,” said Bruce, insistent. “Chaotic neutral to chaotic good. He was never evil.”

Coulson laughed. “You treehugging malcontent. You played a druid, didn’t you?”

“No. Froyo, the halfling cleric.”

Coulson announced himself with a wave of his arm. “Humidor, human paladin.” He looked at May. “Did you ever play?”

May glowered at him. “I had an actual life.” She folded her arms, muttering under her breath, “Nerds.”

“Would you two like to join us for a drink?” asked Bruce.

Coulson looked at Loki. “I’m not there yet. Maybe someday.”

As May and Coulson walked away, Bruce’s fingers caressed the slight swelling above Loki’s hips. “It’s just as well. The beach is waiting for us.”

But the world that had seemed so inviting only moments ago, now lay cloaked in shadows and shame. Loki stared into the darkness. His actions had hurt people, killed them. How could he cavort about on a beach? He sighed against Bruce. “I’m tired. Maybe we should go back to our room.”


	11. Chapter 11

Bruce knew something was bothering Loki, but he tried to give the sorcerer his space. He let the silence between them lengthen as they made their way back to the B and B. Once they were in their room, Loki, without a word, curled up on the bed, his back to Bruce.

Bruce lay beside him. Despite his silent vow to leave Loki alone, he couldn’t resist planting a kiss on the little hill of Loki’s shoulder. “Would you like me to read to you?” he whispered, somehow feeling the normal volume of his voice would be an intrusion.

Loki’s shoulders shook. Bruce smoothed a hand down the length of Loki’s arm. He sighed in sympathy. “Baby, Loki, sweet love. It’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t deserve this,” Loki said in a ragged voice. “After everything I’ve done…I don’t deserve to be happy.”

This surprised Bruce…and yet, it didn’t. “How many people have you saved since joining the Avengers?”

“That doesn’t matter. Nothing I do will ever bring those lives back.”

“No,” said Bruce. “Nothing will.” Loki turned toward him, eyes full of tears. Bruce traced the sorcerer’s cheekbone. “A harsher sentence won’t either.”

“Those people...” The pain in Loki’s face was as real as if it had been physical. “Those people deserve justice.”

Bruce wrapped his body around Loki, embracing him with both arms and legs. “Tell me, what honors the memory of those people more—your spending an eternity sitting in a cell, or your recognizing your crimes and devoting your life to helping others?”

Loki’s hot breath trembled against Bruce’s throat. “I’m a fraud,” he whispered. “I thought I was a hero, but I’m a fraud. No wonder people say I’m a villain. I am.”

“Villains don’t say that, Loki. They believe all of their actions are justified. They don’t agonize over past transgressions, and they don’t want to feel closer to humanity.” Bruce kissed Loki’s black hair and kept him pressed close. After a long while, he said, “You made some bad decisions in the past. That part of your life is over. You’re a different person. Let it go.”

Loki sniffled and pulled away from him. “You would absolve me of anything. Your opinion doesn’t count.”

“I know you better than anyone. My opinion should count more than any other.” He sighed in exasperation. “Fuck, Loki. I’m one of Earth’s eight most brilliant people, and Coulson—Coulson’s—balding.”

“Coulson,” said Loki morosely. “Poor Coulson. He was in love when I killed him. He hasn’t been able to reunite with her. I ruined his happiness. I took away his love.” Loki’s eyes found Bruce finally. “That’s worse than killing someone.”

“It’s wonderful that you want to take responsibility for your actions, but don’t assume responsibility for his cowardice.”

Loki frowned. “What do you mean?”

“This business about not being able to see his girlfriend again. That’s bullshit.” Bruce sat up with annoyance. “He’s blaming his fear of commitment on you.” When Loki only blinked in confusion, Bruce continued. “If something were to happen to me, were to cleave me from your side, there is nothing that would keep me from finding you again. Nothing.”

Loki smiled ruefully. “You love me.”

“Love doesn’t make excuses. Love doesn’t whine. Love takes risks. Love—love smashes.” He shrugged at Loki’s dubious half-grin. “Okay, I’m a scientist, not a poet.”

“Maybe you’re right,” said Loki, his face turning pensive again. “If something happened, I couldn’t give up on you. Even if I thought you had moved on and were happy with someone else, I would have to hear it from your lips before I would accept it.”  
With a twist of his heart, Bruce smoothed a hand over the chills such talk had raised on Loki’s skin. “I could never be happy with someone else,” he whispered, stroking Loki’s arm. 

Wordlessly, eyes still threatening tears, Loki stroked Bruce’s face. After a while, he said, “You’re so good. You’re so amazingly fucking good. Of course I can’t expect you to understand.”

“I understand.”

Loki gave a derisive snort and rolled his eyes. “Right. You _almost_ committed a few foul acts. You’ve never actually murdered anyone.”

“Um…my own father? In a way, that’s much worse than an army getting away from you and killing strangers.”

Loki took a deep breath and caressed Bruce’s jaw. “I suppose an army raging out of control could be compared to Hulk running rampant.”

Bruce held Loki’s gaze. Before Loden was born, Bruce had admitted killing his father to Loki. Obviously, Loki had assumed Hulk bore responsibility for the brutal act; Bruce had never bothered to clarify the event. He preferred not to talk about his father. But showing Loki that they had things in common always seemed to help his sorcerer. “Hulk didn’t kill my father—not the big green version, anyway. It happened before the accident. I killed him. The soft pink human me you seem to think is so damned good.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, really? How did you kill him exactly?”

“I kicked him, and he hit his head on a gravestone.”

“So, you were in the graveyard hunting vampires?”

Bruce didn’t care for Loki’s tone. “We were at my mother’s grave.”

“The mother he murdered in cold blood right in front of you when you were eight. That mother’s grave?”

“Yes, Loki. You’re missing the poi—”

“So he was just visiting the grave of the woman he killed with the son he terrified and abused?”

Bruce sighed. “He attacked me.”

“While you were visiting your mother’s grave.” Loki’s voice had a cold edge.

“The point is I killed him.”

“You killed him,” Loki intoned softly. He laughed. “Fuck! You killed him!” His grin turned strangely lascivious. “All by yourself? My little Bruce? My sweet little scientist?” He stroked up Bruce’s arm, then squeezed it.

“You’re mocking me?”

Loki’s grin seemed to take up the better part of his face. “No—fuck no. I’m proud of you! Brian Banner was a violent psychopath—and you—you wasted his ass! All by yourself!” He locked his arms around Bruce’s neck and pulled him closer. “Even without Hulk, you’re fucking incredible.”

“That wasn’t the point.” Bruce felt two strong taps against his stomach. Loki’s cock.

“Knock, knock,” Loki whispered playfully. “There’s my point, Daddy Badass.”

Loki’s changeable moods sometimes made Bruce’s head spin. While he was glad his confession had made Loki feel better, this wasn’t what he had intended. “Wait, so we’re going from some serious identity crisis to sex? Without any kind of resolution?”

Loki, grinding his erection against Bruce, gave a soft, yearning moan. In a small voice robbed of guile by need, he said, “Do you have a problem with that?”

“Not at all!” said Bruce, but he was fairly certain it was his cock who answered. He gagged his reason, shoved it into a little box, and made Hulk sit on it. Not ‘the Hulk’—just ‘Hulk.’ Like Loki referred to him now. Loki. His sweet, wonderful trickster—so silly and so wise in the same breath. Maybe he was biased toward Loki. How could he not be?

He unzipped Loki’s pants with his teeth, one hand kneading Loki’s hip while the other roughly fondled his balls. Loki whimpered softly all the while, writhing against Bruce’s lips and nose. Bruce exposed Loki completely and kissed every millimeter of his squirming, sculpted nudity. He misted the delicate skin behind knees and between thighs with his breath and circled the rosy buds of Loki’s nipples with his tongue.

Loki intercepted his mouth, kissing him with a familiar urgency. Bruce enjoyed Loki’s frantic mouth while Loki’s long fingers brushed down his sides with the gracefulness of butterflies. He closed his eyes as Loki squeezed his cock and arched back when Loki began sucking it with a fervor reminiscent of his kisses. He played with Loki’s silken hair while his glans bumped against the slippery back of Loki’s throat.

With a sharp intake of breath, Bruce grabbed a fistful of Loki’s hair at the base of his skull and pulled him up. Wild blue-green eyes leered back at him. Bruce couldn’t help himself and kissed Loki’s lips ever so softly. Then he swung him around and shoved his head into the mattress.

Down on all fours, Loki giggled and wagged his ass in Bruce’s face. Bruce tamed that ass with a series of hard swats. He licked the flurry of crimson handprints, warm and slightly raised, on Loki’s pale flesh.

He rejoiced in the heat of Loki’s clean, pink hole, kissing it and opening it with strong thrusts of tongue. As Bruce sank a finger into Loki’s hole to stretch it, Loki handed him a tube of lubricant. Bruce thanked him, lubed three of his fingers, and worked Loki’s hole.

Loki gave a pleased grunt as Bruce thrust his cock inside him. Bruce teased Loki’s greedy hole for a moment, rubbing his glans back and forth near the entrance. Then he sank balls-deep inside Loki.

Bruce fucked Loki fast and hard. The bed squeaked, and Loki’s head drummed against the headboard. Bruce stopped. He pulled Loki away from the headboard. Moments later, they were playing the same music.

Bruce disengaged, hugged Loki’s neck, and kissed his head. Loki waved away his concern and crawled onto the floor, where he stayed expectantly, ass in the air. Bruce pounced on Loki and pounded him across the carpet. He rode Loki across the room a few times, then reached down to tug Loki’s cock. With deep thrusts and hard jerks, he made Loki shudder, moan, and shoot cum. The sound of Loki coming sent a shock of ecstasy through Bruce, who filled Loki’s hole with cum, then pulled out and frosted Loki’s beautiful ass.

They lay on the floor for a moment, panting. Bruce pulled Loki’s head onto his chest. “I love you,” he told Loki softly, stroking his damp hair and slick skin.

“Me too. But I’m hungry,” said Loki in a mournful tone.

With a slight laugh, Bruce got up and helped Loki to his feet. He sat Loki on the bed and arranged the pillows to maximize his comfort. Then, he sifted through their supplies and rummaged through the minifridge. He found a couple of granola bars and a small soy milk.

Loki frowned at Bruce’s offering. “This is the kind of thing we give Loden to keep him quiet at the cinema.”

“It isn’t really fare for a god, is it?” Bruce rubbed Loki’s thigh. “What if I kneel and kiss your toes while you eat and tell you how perfect and sexy you are?”

“That isn’t necessary,” said Loki in a weak voice.

Bruce sat up with alarm. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I feel strange.” Loki winced. “Sort of queasy. But I’m terribly hungry.”

“Your stomach doesn’t hurt?”

“No, I’m just nauseated.” He sat up a little and amended, “Quite nauseated.”

Bruce left him to wet a washcloth with cold water. As he wrung the excess water in the sink, Loki bolted into the bathroom and vomited in the toilet. He stared up at Bruce with quizzical despair. “That pad thai tasted as good coming up as it did going down. That’s not how this is supposed to work.” He wretched again, dropping to a crouch before the toilet.

Bruce squatted beside him and wiped Loki’s mouth. Loki rounded on him angrily. “Why aren’t you sick? We shared everything! How could I get food poisoning yet you’re just fine?!”

Bruce smoothed Loki’s hair back. “I don’t think this is food poisoning.”

Loki straightened, aquiver with self-righteous melodrama and imperial resentment. “ _That_ shouldn’t have even happened. I am a god! I am immune to most Midgardian diseases and poisons!”

“Yeah, and you’re probably not supposed to be a gay Avenger in love, either. Shit happens, baby.”

Loki cocked an eyebrow, but lost his retort in a painful sounding wretch. Bruce held his hair back and rubbed between his shoulder blades. When Loki was done, he breathed heavily and was quiet. Finally, he shuddered and said, “Ugh. That—that tasted so good. That has to be wrong.”

“I’ve heard pregnant women say similar things. Maybe it’s because your vomiting is being caused by hormones rather than bacteria.” Bruce stroked the nape of Loki’s neck. “It's starting a little late in the pregnancy, but I think you have morning sickness.”

“It’s not morning!”

“It’s a misnomer. Some women—people—have nausea and vomiting in the morning, some in the evening, and some have it all day.”

“All day?” Loki repeated in such a stunned little voice that Bruce hugged him. “Don’t touch me,” Loki said weakly. “I’m so nauseated.”

Bruce released him, but found not touching him difficult.

“I have fought all manner of evil,” Loki told the toilet. “I will not be laid low by some malady of weak Midgardian women.” He lifted himself from the tiled floor in a graceful movement and stood with his hands on his hips, looking wan, but regal. “I’m going to bed now.”

Bruce flushed the toilet. He started to close the lid when Loki dove under it and started heaving.

Loki finished and sank to his knees with a groan. “Fuck,” he said quietly. “I’m staying here.”

* * *

Loki leaned against the bathtub. Hours had passed, but he didn’t feel safe leaving the black and white bathroom. He took comfort in the cold tile even as it sucked the warmth from his body. His chilled flesh must have drawn Bruce’s attention, for the next thing he knew, the scientist covered him loosely with a sheet from the bed, then sat behind him and held a damp cloth against his forehead. “You should go to bed,” Loki told him. “You don’t need to be here.”

“I’m where I belong.” Bruce moved Loki’s hair aside and placed the damp cloth on the back of his neck.

“Bruce,” he began to protest, but Bruce moved the cloth back to his forehead and blew on his neck. “That feels good,” Loki whispered. He closed his eyes as Bruce’s fingers combed his hair. He basked in the gentle scrape of Bruce’s short nails, the coolness of Bruce’s warm breath against his moist skin. He sighed, contented. “I love you.”

“I love you,” said Bruce and kissed his shoulder. “Would my beautiful god like some more ice chips?”

“No.” Loki smiled. And then a sudden ache weighed heavy in his chest, and he realized he could no longer lie to the man he loved, could no longer lie even if only to himself. The words slipped free. “I’m not truly a god.” A shiver ran down his spine. He looked at Bruce over his shoulder. “There are no gods. That’s what you believe, isn’t it?”

“I don’t believe in gods,” Bruce affirmed softly, his voice thick and sleepy as he continued to stroke Loki’s arm with the reliability of an atomic clock.

“I’m nothing.”

“You’re everything,” Bruce murmured. “You’re the multiverse.”

Loki stared at the small window high over the toilet. Outside, the dark sky lightened. The chorus of crickets that had sung in the jasmine all night grew quieter. Birdsong summoned the dawn.

“I’m nothing,” said Loki. “And everything… And so is everyone else.” He knew suddenly that life—all life—was frail and powerful. Ephemeral and eternal. The revelation flashed through him with pain and ecstasy, sorrow and joy. In that moment, he loved everything that breathed and danced and wept and screamed. He loved the just and the cruel, the innocent and the wicked—loved them for what they could become. For even in their folly, they held in their molecules a secret connection to all that had ever been and all that could ever be. Instead of feeling apart, or better, or inferior—he felt only a profound, abiding kinship.

Feeling weightless and alive, he watched the dawn break, pink and golden through the small, high window. This feeling, he realized with a new excitement, was what Bruce had been trying to share with him all along.

He turned to find Bruce asleep beside him, face down on the tub ledge. “Bruce,” Loki whispered.

Bruce stirred awake. “It’s okay, Loki,” he mumbled, one hand rubbing Loki’s thigh. “What do you need, baby? Water? Ice? Sprite?” He smiled blearily, awaiting Loki’s request.

Loki kissed the red splotch the bathtub had imprinted on Bruce’s forehead. “You,” he said, caught somewhere between laughing and crying. “All I’ve ever needed was you.” He hugged his rather confused Bruce. “It’s morning. Let’s go to bed.”


	12. Chapter 12

Loki slept lightly and woke to the morning sun and a feeling of restless happiness. He ran his fingers through Bruce’s soft, brown curls. He wanted to wake Bruce up for sex and a run on the beach, but he knew Bruce suffered from headaches when he didn’t get enough sleep. He snuggled against Bruce with a sigh and kissed his chest

After another failed attempt at sleep, Loki rose carefully, readied himself for a swim, and went to the pool. As soon as he stepped outside, he found Rafa, one of the two elderly men who owned the bed and breakfast, cutting the snowy hair of another man. “Hello! You must be Moran,” said Loki, pleased to meet Rafa’s partner.

The white-haired man sat the old photo album he had been looking at on his knees and glared at Loki. “I know you,” he said in a rather menacing tone.

“Yes, I know,” said Loki, trying to bear his guilt with humility. “I’m one of the Avengers. Those things I said in Anchorage were taken out of— I shouldn’t have said them at all. I love Midgard. I’m grateful to be here. I want only to protect my new home, and to aid all Midgardians—even the obnoxious boors.”

Moran’s frown held its place, but Rafa smiled. “You’re precious,” said Rafa

“No,” said Moran. “You’re the crazy brother of that buff blond. You attacked Germany and— You’re not as hot as your brother. What are you doing here? Where are your chains?”

Before Loki could respond, Rafa patted the old man’s shoulder and said, “It’s okay, Mori.” He pointed to one of the photos. “Who’s that in the hideous coral pantsuit?”

Moran frowned at the photo album. “That looks like Hannah.”

“It is Hannah!” said Rafa with animated delight. “Do you remember who she is?”

“She lives in Boca Raton,” said Moran, looking up at Rafa as if for approval. Then, he smiled up at Loki, pointing to the picture, and said, “That’s my sister. That’s my little sister, Hannah! See? That’s her, right there!”

Loki leaned in to inspect the photo. It must have been thirty years old. Rafa, holding scissors and a lock of white hair, smiled at him. Loki mimicked his enthusiasm. “That’s wonderful! That’s great!”

“She never visits,” said Moran sadly.

“She comes at least once a week,” said Rafa, snipping hair.

“Look there!” Moran directed Loki’s attention to a slightly built, reddish-haired man in the photo. “That’s my little gingersnap!”

Rafa snorted. “Apologies, Loki. I wasn’t expecting anyone out here for another two hours.” To Moran he said, “Let’s not keep our guest from his swim.”

“The love of my life,” said Moran. “The love of my life.” His eyes welled with tears. “My sweet Rafael…. He never visits either.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Loki asked Rafa.

“Alzheimer’s.” Rafa bent over Moran’s shoulder to comfort him. “I would never leave you,” he said gently.

Moran pushed him away. “I don’t know you. Who are you?”

“I’m Rafa."

“No,” said Moran, scowling. “You’re an old man. Don’t touch me! I don’t know you!”

Rafa shrugged at Loki. “This is a good day. At least he’s not cursing or spitting at me.”

“His long-term memory isn’t as affected by the disease as his short-term memory?” Loki asked Rafa.

“That’s right,” Rafa said somewhat absently, his gaze on his lover. “At least we still have the past. Someday that will disappear as well.”

“We were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives,” Moran told Loki, “but he’s just gone.”

As Rafa tried to console Moran, Loki studied the photo carefully. He cast the spell with a slight vertigo; he was weak from the previous night. He smiled as Moran’s face brightened.

“Rafa?”

Rafa, looking thirty years younger, stared at Loki in amazement. “Thank you! This is— Thank you!”

“It’s only an illusion,” said Loki. “It will last about an hour. I wish I could do more.” He left the couple to their reunion and returned to the room. The encounter had left him yearning to see his own Midgardian husband and filled him with a need to do research.

* * *

Bruce watched the clouds roll overhead. Loki lay next to him, facing the opposite direction, facing the white-capped grey-green waves. The sorcerer was preoccupied with his tablet and had been all day. Bruce stroked one of Loki’s calves. “What exactly are you doing, baby?”

“Research.”

Bruce laughed. “That space monkey game, again, huh?”

“What? No. Fuck! It’s always there. Stupid fucking bots. I should give them all little Thor skins.” He flipped over onto his back with a groan and stretched. The way he moved his hips simultaneously aroused Bruce’s desire and his sympathy.

“Sore Loki?” Bruce massaged gently around the cradle of pelvic bones being stretched by pregnancy. Loki moaned softly, pressing his hips against Bruce’s touch. Bruce rubbed Loki’s thighs and the slight swell of Loki’s belly. He bent and brushed a kiss beneath Loki’s navel.

Loki stared at the sky, clutching his tablet to his chest. His lashes fanned slowly as Bruce continued his ministrations. “That feels unbelievable,” he whispered.

Bruce drew his tongue around the fecund curve, tasting brine and smelling the ocean on Loki’s warm skin. “You’re so perfect.”

“Maybe if I changed the coefficient…” Loki sent a pale jolt from his right palm to his tablet, then shook the tablet in the air above his chest.

“What are you doing?”

“Running another simulation. If I’m on my back, it’s easier to see it like this.” A complex formula—obviously a snippet of some program’s algorithm—glowed a soft green in the air over Loki’s chest. Loki made a hasty change, then swiped it away before Bruce got a good look at it. And then a fleet of tiny luminous green dragons sailed through a gray corridor, blasting white growths as they encountered them.

Bruce grinned, enchanted. But Loki groaned. “They’re still not thorough enough. They’re missing plaques. And look.” He magnified a cell until they could see inside it. “They’re having no effect on the tangled nerve fibers inside the neurons.”

Bruce, his head now on the ground next to Loki’s, turned from the simulation to stare at his sorcerer husband. “When you say plaques, you’re talking about amyloid plaques, aren’t you?”

“Yes, of course,” said Loki with a touch of annoyance, as if Bruce were being purposely thick.

“This is the nanotechnology you developed with Tony when you were pregnant with Loden?”

“A variant. And I’m just experimenting—the real ones will need to be even smaller. And the dragon skins are just for flare, really."

“You’re trying to cure Alzheimer’s. At the beach. While we’re on vacation.”

Loki frowned at him. “It’s not like I’m reading Joyce.” He pulled up the formula and adjacent lines as Bruce giggled.

Bruce’s head rubbed against Loki’s as they searched the pearly letters together. Bruce pointed. “Maybe here? Maybe change this?” He turned to look at Loki. “May I?”

Loki grabbed Bruce’s index finger and sucked it deep in his mouth. He extracted it with a liberal sheen of saliva, pointed it at the floating text, and released it. Bruce’s finger hummed. His body twisted tight with yearning. His hand shook as he made the change.

Loki grabbed him and kissed him with a needy ferocity. As Bruce made a muffled cry of joy and surprise, Loki cast a hand in the air, and a shimmering dome unfolded around them. “This is a little something I whipped up after Anchorage,” Loki said huskily. For a second, Bruce wondered what other people on the beach thought about the two men suddenly winking out of site, but he could ponder it no longer than that, for the next instant Loki’s lips kissed their way down his torso as nimble fingers rolled his damp swim trunks down his hips.

Bruce felt as if he were a landscape of nothing but peaks. Every inch of him blushed and strained toward Loki. “I love you,” he whispered as Loki nibbled his balls. He combed his fingers through Loki’s salt-stiffened hair. On a beach scattered with people and sandpipers, there seemed to only be the two of them, the incessant waves, the eternal sky, and all the time in the world.

* * *

Bruce stood beside the Cuban restaurant with Loki and twisted Loki’s hair behind his head as he revisited lunch. Once Loki had finished retching, Bruce gave him some water so he could rinse his mouth.

Loki spat water and shuddered. “That was almost as much fun as yesterday’s snorkeling fiasco.”

“Aren’t you glad you weren’t wearing a snorkel?”

Loki sagged into his arms, green and limp as fast food lettuce.

“Oh, Loki,” Bruce breathed against Loki’s ear. He held Loki tenderly, wishing he could do more for him. He stroked the back of Loki’s neck. “Maybe we should go home.”

“Why did we come here?”

“Because I wanted to visit the beach and you wanted to see alligators.”

“No, I mean, why did we go on vacation? We’re expecting another baby; I just quit my job… I didn’t even talk to you before I quit—didn’t consider how that might impact us. It was selfish, rash, and stupid… So you bought me a present and took me on vacation.” He looked at Bruce with utter sincerity. “I realize I have a problem, but I’m starting to think you do too.”

Bruce gave him a slight squeeze. “You seemed depressed after being suspended from the job that you feel defines you. You needed a break. We both did. I almost died—I think I’m owed a little R and R.”

“We need a bigger apartment. We shouldn’t have sold Loden’s crib. We’re going to need—”

“We’ll be fine,” said Bruce. “Don’t worry about anything.”

“I spoke to Anna yesterday, and she said I could work for her as a consultant.”

“That’s good,” said Bruce, trying to mean it. Obviously, Loki had damaged his reputation by quitting on a whim. A consulting job would mean an unstable income.

“But Tony’s quite interested in that Alzheimer’s research.” Loki led him toward the car. “He wants to look at it when we get back.”

“That’s great.” He accepted the keys Loki gave him with a touch of sadness, knowing how much his trickster enjoyed driving. But puking was easier as a passenger.

“Can we find some place that serves breakfast?” Loki asked as they settled into the seats. “I feel like vomiting pancakes.”

* * *

Loki woke from a nap to find the room empty. Music lured him into the hallway. He followed the sound to the foyer and found Bruce playing the piano. Loki stopped to watch and listen, transfixed. He didn’t know the song, but it was lively and beautiful. When the song was over, Loki stepped forward. Bruce began playing again, but this time, Loki recognized the song as Franz Liszt’s _Liebestraum_. Loki hesitated, then joined Bruce at the piano.

Bruce stopped playing. “How are you feeling?”

“Better if you’ll play more.” Loki sank to the bench and leaned against Bruce. “What was the song you were playing before Liszt?”

“That was nothing. A warm up exercise. Something I made up because the ones my mother wanted me to play were boring."

“Can you play it again?”

Bruce laughed. “Seriously?”

“I liked it.”

Bruce kissed Loki’s head. “Our plane leaves in three hours. We’ll be home soon.”

“I ruined our vacation,” said Loki miserably.

“You made our vacation,” said Bruce, nuzzling his ear. “I never knew swimming with alligators would be so much fun.” Loki sighed. “Here,” said Bruce, sounding excited. “Do this.” His hand danced a few plinky notes from the keys.

Loki humored his silly scientist. It was not quite as easy as it had looked, but he mastered it in two attempts and grudgingly enjoyed the way the melody lifted from his fingers. “I guess that’s kind of a cute little song.”

Bruce played something bouncy on the deeper end of the piano. “Now you play your part.”

Loki grinned as the parts fit together. They complimented each other, needed each other. The song was simple, but sweet and lovely—and they were playing it together. “Does it have lyrics?”

Bruce regarded him for a moment, then leaned close and sang softly into Loki’s ear. “Heart and soul/ I fell in love with you/ Heart and soul/ the way a fool would do…”

When they stopped, Loki smiled slyly at Bruce. “I suppose, for a ruined vacation, this has been rather fun.”

* * *

“Look!” Loki drew Bruce’s attention to the television in the airport. “They’re talking about me again.” As they watched, the ferret-faced blonde on the muted television laughed as she talked to her male mannequin co-host while an image of Loki beamed somewhat maniacally behind them.

Bruce snorted in disgust. “Where do they find all of these pictures of you looking insane?” He rubbed a hand up Loki’s spine and began massaging the back of his neck. “Don’t take it too personally, baby.”

Loki shrugged. “I’m fascinating. Of course they want to talk about me.” And then, all over the screen, was a picture of two men on the beach. One, he recognized immediately as Bruce. But who was that with him? Some blindingly white guy with long skinny legs, a funny little paunch, and messy hair. In a single terrible instant his disgust turned to horror. “I look dreadful!”

“Fucking paparazzi,” said Bruce.

In utter shock, Loki read the caption aloud. “South Beach Diet Emergency?” He wheeled on Bruce. “How can they not realize I’m pregnant?” He answered himself before Bruce could. “Because I just look fat!”

“No, because you’re a man, and men aren’t usually pregnant. And it’s—a bad angle. That’s what these paparazzi do—they look for unflattering angles.”

Loki crossed his arms over his chest. “I have great angles.”

“You do.” Bruce’s knuckles rolled between Loki’s shoulder blades. “It’s a bad picture. I look bad too.”

“You look like you always do.”

“Thanks, Loki. It’s not as if I have feelings or anything.”

Loki turned to confront Bruce. “You look fine. Don’t be insecure like that. You always look fine.” He couldn’t stop his gaze from returning to the screen. They were showing the horrible picture again. Bruce’s reassuring hand worked its special Bruce magic as it kneaded the base of Loki’s skull. Loki sighed. “Maybe it’s Photoshopped or something. Obviously, they CGI’d my hair.”

“Your hair? Uh…sure.”

“Right. That isn’t my hair. It’s never looked like that.” He rounded on Bruce. “Has it?”

“I don’t see anything wrong with it,” said Bruce, foul betrayer that he was. “We’re on vacation—and with the salt and the wind—” He pressed a palm against Loki’s cheek. “I think that carefree beachy look is sexy.”

Loki wanted to take issue with this, but a wave of nausea stole his will. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Bruce’s hand. “I feel sick,” he murmured.

“Poor Loki,” Bruce whispered. “Can you walk or do you need to be still?”

“Walk,” Loki managed with a shiver.

“Let’s walk,” said Bruce, leading him away from the television. “Try not to think about that paparazzi business—”

“I’m NOT fat—”

“I know, baby. But when we get home, we’ll talk to Pepper and let her do a press release about the baby. She’s always wanting us to do stuff like that.”

“Yes.”

“Then people will know you’re pregnant.”

“They’ll probably still be dicks.”

“You like dicks.”

Loki decided to let Bruce have the last word because he felt so nauseated, but he still shrugged. The walk helped, and he was beginning to feel better until they passed one of the airport restaurants. The cooking odors assaulted him. Bruce’s urgings to breathe through his mouth only made him angry. Once they were clear of the offending odors, Loki sat down while Bruce went to get him a lime soda. He felt miserable as he waited for Bruce to return. Their stupid plane didn’t leave for another thirty minutes.

Not far away from him, a young woman stood by herself, staring at him. Self-consciously, he huddled against the arm of his chair and buried half his face in one hand. She continued to watch him. Loki tried to ignore her.

“Sip?”

Loki blinked at the drink thrust in his face. However annoying Loki found Bruce’s chipper tone, he was glad to see his scientist had returned. “Get that infernal thing away from me.”

“Oh,” said Bruce, dropping into the seat beside him. “Poor Loki. I also brought an empty cup in case you need to use it."

Loki looked up to say something nasty when he saw the young woman out of the corner of his eye. When he made eye contact, she beamed and walked toward him. He tried to wish her away, but she kept coming.

“You are him,” she said a little breathlessly when she drew near. “Hi, Loki!”

“Hello,” said Loki, attempting what he hoped was a charming smile while suppressing the urge to vomit.

Bruce leaned in. “I’m sorry, but he isn’t feeling well—”

Loki brushed him aside. “I’m fine.” He always felt well enough for adoration, and this girl’s eyes were brimming with it. “Would you like me to sign something for you?”

“Oh,” she said. Her forehead creased as she scrutinized his face. “You aren’t feeling well, are you? What’s wrong?”

“That’s rather per—” Bruce began, but Loki cut him off.

“Morning sickness. I’m pregnant.” He smiled weakly. “I’m not handling it well this time.”

The girl rummaged quickly through her purse and pulled out a plastic bag. She handed it to Loki. “Try these. They’re ginger candies. You suck on them. They helped my sister when she had morning sickness. I like them when I travel because they help my ears with the pressure changes.”

“Thank you.” Loki took one of the wrapped lozenges and handed back the bag.

“No,” said the girl. “Keep them. I hope they work for you.” She stood there and smiled for a moment, then blinked rapidly and said, “I love you. You probably don’t remember—you do so many brave things—but you saved my grandmother’s life. She had just finished her cancer treatment and was coming home from her final appointment. You saved her from a giant squidbeetle. She tells the story over and over.” The girl held a hand with a pointed finger on either side of her head. “She always does this. And the whole thing is usually in Japanese.” The girl grinned, eyes full of tears. “You’re Lokisan, prince of Avengers.”

Loki was too overwhelmed to say anything. The girl’s tears began to overflow, so he hugged her. As they parted, the girl sniffled and said, “You’ll need a larger place—since you’re pregnant, right?” She pulled a card from her purse. “This is my uncle. He can help you. Make sure he knows you’re Lokisan.” She grinned and handed Loki the card.

Loki unwrapped the lozenge. Bruce stroked his hand. “You’ve been focusing on the consequences of your villainy, but you forget that your heroism has consequences as well.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Also, another character appearing in this chapter, Frigga, is based on the Marvel character, but some might find my take on her relationship with Loki upsetting. When you read this, I ask that you keep in mind that all of us view these characters a little differently. This is just my view. Naturally, yours is every bit as valid.
> 
>  
> 
> *One of the characters appearing in this chapter is a re-imagined version of a figure from Norse mythology. At the time I wrote this, I didn't realize she had also appeared in the Marvel comic books. (I'm more familiar with the movies...) I tagged her as an OC female character.

A chime sounded and the ‘fasten seat belts’ sign lit up overhead. Soon, they would be landing. Bruce tried to focus on the article he had been reading and fought to maintain the practiced serenity that felt, at that moment, so far away. A disconcerted noise from Loki drew Bruce’s attention. “Loki, are you okay?”

“Apparently, since being suspended from the Avengers, I’ve let myself go and am also a lush,” said Loki gravely. “They have pictures of me vomiting—an impressive number of them—and the current story is that I’m a partying disaster, although there’s an alternate theory that the weight gain has made me bulimic.” He sighed and rolled his head to stare out the airplane window. “I’m sure there’s someone insisting on the legitimacy of both.”

“I’m not sure bulimia actually has anything to do with weight.”

“Thanks for the clarification. Can we go back to talking about me now?”

“Of course.”

Loki tapped the tablet. “It wouldn’t be so bad if all of these pictures weren’t so disgusting. I look horrible. I look stunningly horrible.”

Bruce brought up a photo on his tablet and showed it to Loki. “What about this picture?”

Loki smirked. “You took that the first morning there, didn’t you?” His fingers skated over the screen, zooming, unzooming, enchanted. He reminded Bruce of a budgie with a little mirror. “That is a good color for me, isn’t it? And that chaise lounge—I look so elegant on a chaise lounge. We should get one.”

Bruce caressed Loki’s ear, letting his nails graze Loki’s neck. “So, isn’t that the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen?”

Loki arched a brow. “No.” A fresh smile thinned his lips. “Because that man is sitting right next to me.” He wrapped his arms around Bruce and kissed him fervently.

Bruce forgot all about the landing until the plane touched down.

* * *

Loki sat on the park bench beside Pepper to see her ideas. Bruce remained standing, his body pointed toward Tony and Loden, some distance away, playing with a little sailboat. Then he looked at Loki with a decisive stare and sat next to him.

“Jennifer said we can’t take legal action,” Loki told Pepper.

“No,” said Pepper. “You’re both public figures.”

“So we have no expectation of privacy even when we’re sick.” Loki didn’t even try to keep the disdain from his voice.

Pepper smiled at him. “I hate to admit it, but I kind of like your vomiting pics and videos.”

Loki tried to manage his judgment. “I…had no idea you were…into…uh—”

She burst into laughter. “No! Nothing like that.” She showed Loki her phone. “Look. Bruce is holding your hair. And again. And there he’s rubbing your back. And, he’s cut out here, but I’d bet Stark Industries that’s his hand holding yours.” She shook her head. “It’s so sweet.”

Loki captured Bruce’s nearest hand and drew it to him. “I suppose those are sweet when you look at them that way.”

“They’re still unwanted intrusions into our lives,” said Bruce.

“But did you notice how the conversation changed?” asked Pepper. “How with a small nudge, we shifted the perspective? That’s what I’m going to do for you two. And you have more than a small nudge.” Her gaze fell on Loki’s baby bump. “Everyone loves a baby.”

A slight tickle made Loki sit forward. Both Bruce and Pepper overreacted, fussing over him in stereo. “It’s nothing bad,” Loki explained hastily, grinning. “I felt it!” He pulled Bruce’s hand onto his belly despite knowing it was still too early for him to be able to feel anything. “I felt it move!”

Pepper frowned slightly. “What does it feel like?”

“Roll the tip of your tongue along the inner edge of your upper lip. It’s something like that. Sometimes it’s more like little pokes. Like tiny fish nibbling your feet.” He leaned back against Bruce and nuzzled him. “It’s a sign.” He smiled warmly at Pepper. “Now that Pepper’s helping us, everything is going to be all right.”

“It’s science,” said Bruce. “The fetus has finally attained a size where you’re able to feel it.”

Loki threw a scowl over his shoulder.

Bruce ran a hand down Loki’s side. “Look at these sleek sides. How could anyone think he’s fat? He’s svelte and beautiful with a little love bundle.” Bruce polished Loki’s belly. “It’s obvious he’s pregnant.”

Loki closed his eyes momentarily, enjoying Bruce’s firm, gentle touch without and the little tremble of life within. He opened them to find Pepper smiling at him. “I don’t want you to worry about this anymore,” she said. She glanced at Bruce. “Either of you. I’ll take care of it.”

* * *

Loki woke to the gentle crush of Bruce’s arms around him. “It’s okay,” Bruce whispered in the dark, his breath brushing Loki’s neck. “It’s okay. You’re with me. You’re safe.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I guess you were having a bad dream. You sounded upset.” Bruce stroked Loki’s hair away from his face. “You kept saying, ‘not this time’ and kind of sobbing.”

Loki lay, confused, in Bruce’s arms. Whatever he had been dreaming, it hadn’t followed him into wakefulness. He wasn’t sure why he would be having bad dreams in the first place. In the few weeks since Pepper had taken charge of their image, public opinion had swung in their favor, and uproar over Loki’s supposed spiral had died down. On top of that, his nausea had subsided. He felt better, physically and emotionally, than he had in a while.

He shifted his weight at an internal jab. Although most of the baby’s movements were delicate, some, in only a month’s time, had become unpredictably strong. The firm kicks and the density of his belly reminded him of— “Sleipnir.” He backed deeper into the security of Bruce’s embrace. “I was dreaming about Sleipnir.”

Bruce kissed Loki’s neck. “Your colt?” He shuddered suddenly. “I remember before you said you were a mare when he was conceived, but not when you had him. I just realized— You couldn’t shift, could you?”

“What? Oh, that. No. I shifted into a mare to seduce the stallion from his labors, but I didn’t realize I’d been impregnated. I shifted into my normal form and didn’t discover anything was amiss until it was too late.”

“Fuck,” Bruce whispered in a tone both awed and revolted. He hugged Loki reassuringly and began rubbing his belly.

Loki laughed. “It wasn’t that bad. You forget how strong I am. And he was a magical horse; he was born somewhat smaller than normal foals and grew abnormally fast.” He sighed, enjoying the rubbing and Bruce’s nearness. “The labor was frightening because it was my first time, and, despite my research, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. And I was alone.” He paused, stalled by Bruce’s sympathetic sound and tight hug. “I wanted to be alone. I knew I would be vulnerable and…there was no one I trusted— You’re right. That is pathetic. Maybe you should squeeze me again.”

Bruce complied and threw in a few kisses along Loki’s shoulder. “My poor, sweet, brave Loki.”

“You should have seen how beautiful he was.” He snuggled against Bruce. “He reminded me of a butterfly fresh from a chrysalis—all wilted and damp. I rubbed him dry, watched all of his little spongy hooves harden, kissed his sweet velvet face. I had practiced magic nearly my whole life, and he was the most magical thing I had ever seen or done. My Sleipnir.”

But then a memory, dark and cold, intruded on his reminiscence. “He was mine. He was all mine—treasure won through a glorious battle. But the second Odin laid eyes on him, he claimed him.”

“I thought you gave him to Odin?”

Loki looked at Bruce over his shoulder. “No. I tried to save face by pretending so after the fact, but…no.”

“Are you sure Odin isn’t old Norse for ‘evil cunt’?”

Loki felt drained suddenly. “It shouldn’t have surprised me. It didn’t really, not entirely. He simply acted the way he always did. It was her betrayal that wounded me.”

Bruce smoothed the chills on Loki’s shoulder. “Who?”

“Mother.” He cleared his throat. “Frigga.”

“What did she do?”

“It’s more what she didn’t do.” Loki moved his legs to entangle them with Bruce’s. “She was the only one I told and…she was kind about the whole thing. And when I returned from the wilderness with Sleipnir—there was this moment. Like she knew I was happy and like—we shared something. I loved her, but she always sided against me. No matter what, I was always wrong. She would promise to talk to Odin on my behalf, then she would shrink before him like a beaten dog.”

“Did he ever? Beat her?”

“No, he never laid a hand on her. They weren’t like your parents. He didn’t need to hit her. He was the All-Father, king of the gods.”

“He was a fucking narcissist.”

Loki snorted. “And she was a dormouse. Useless woman. When Odin said he was taking Sleipnir, I was so certain she would support me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew what this meant to me, that she felt it. And then nothing. No one said anything. He got his way, just like he always did, and no one said a single word against him.” Loki stared bitterly into the darkness. “I was as alone in that throne room as I’d been in the wilderness.”

Bruce pressed his lips to the nape of Loki’s neck. “But not anymore.”

* * *

Loki paused beneath a towering pine on a gentle rise overlooking the campsite and closed his eyes. He breathed deeply, enjoying the fall scents of the forest. He and Bruce went camping every year after Halloween to celebrate the start of their relationship. This year, Loki was six months pregnant. He felt seven months. He felt huge and swollen, and he was tired all of the time. Yet no test showed any abnormalities. The baby wasn’t even large. In fact, she was rather small.

He rubbed his hand down the firm plane of her back, which poked against his side. A delicate little girl. Maybe a sorceress? Maybe a seer? Perhaps she would be a scientist. Or an actress. Or an architect.

Loki stretched, grateful for the momentary quiet. As Loki’s energy waned, Loden’s seemed to increase at an annoying rate. Today, the cool air and autumn sun had Loden in especially high spirits, so Bruce had taken him exploring to burn off some of his liveliness.

A flash of yellow light surprised Loki. What stepped out of the light surprised him even more.

“Since you have been apologizing to those you’ve harmed,” said Frigga, looking radiant and powerful, a cloaked attendant standing demurely at her side while the light continued to undulate around them, “I brought someone who deserves one from you.”

Loki bristled, expecting the All-Father to reveal himself at any moment. “I am NOT apologizing to—” His breath caught as the attendant flipped back her hood. The light winked out. “Sigyn?” His assistant. His henchwoman, who had served him, motivated not by fear or greed, but by an unreciprocated love.

“After you left us,” said Frigga, “I found her starving in your laboratory like an abandoned dog, pining for her master. Had I not taken her as one of my handmaidens, she might have perished. They tell me she is bewitched. Can you dispel it?”

“Left you?” Loki stared at his adoptive mother in dismay. “Do you mean the time I plunged to my possible doom because the All-Father couldn’t be bothered to throw a kind word my way or the time I was taken to Midgard in chains to participate in a reformatory program led by a man who could become a monster?”

Disappointment etched Frigga’s face. “Don’t pout, Loki. Both were choices. The latter has seemed to work to your benefit.”

“Choices? Were they? When was I ever given a choice about anything?”

“Heimdall told me you had changed,” said Frigga gravely, “yet when I bring your attention to someone you have wronged, all you can think about is yourself.”

Before Loki could counter, his gaze met Sigyn’s and he knew, no matter how wrong Frigga might have been about some things, she was right about this. He bit his tongue. With a slight nod to Frigga, he said, “Queen of Asgard, I will do as you bid.”

Frigga sniffed at his formality, then gave Sigyn leave to meet him.

Sigyn walked into a ray of sunlight that burnished her hair. She stood before him, staring up at him with eyes as blue as flax blossoms, eyes that glowed with complete adoration. “Loki,” she breathed.

A gentle, if rather simple, girl, she had loved him completely. So, naturally, he had used her feelings to fashion a spell that further ensured her loyalty. Naturally? Only a villain would find such logic natural. Despite the shame and grief that assailed him, he attempted a smile and took both her hands in his. “It’s good to see you.”

“They said you would never return,” said Sigyn, overwrought. “They said so many terrible things. But I never believed them. And I always knew one day you would return to me.”

A sick feeling twisted through him. “You’re still wearing the necklace I gave you.”

“Always,” she said eagerly, one hand rising to stroke the ensorcelled pendant above her bosom. “It is with me even in sleep.”

“All these years…”

“Forever.” She smiled. “I never stopped believing in you, never stopped loving you. I never will.”

He stroked her cheek. “I’m so, so sorry. You never deserved what I did to you. It was never your fault. You were convenient. And I was cruel. I found your attentions flattering, and…” He couldn’t admit the truth without wincing. “Useful.”

She stared at him without blinking, a worshipful expression on her face even now.

He took the pendant between his thumb and index finger and rubbed it gently. “No apology will suffice, but I am sorry, dear Sigyn.”

She caught his wrist between her hands. “I forgive you.”

“You need to forget me.”

“Never.”

Still holding the pendant, he kissed her lips. His spell made the pendant warm between his fingers. When they drew apart, he continued to hold the pendant, which glowed with a soft light the color of spring leaves. “You will find happiness and purpose, and if you choose to fall in love, it will only be with one capable of also loving you.”

He released the pendant with a sigh. She frowned at him and twiddled the pendant between her fingers. “What’s this?” she asked. “It isn’t my old pendant.”

“No. This one, you may remove whenever you wish, but it holds an enchantment just for you. Wear it for good luck. It’s a gift to thank you for your years in my service, though you are owed much more.”

She looked up from the pendant and beamed at him. “Thank you, Loki.” Her expression shifted to concern. She rubbed the crest of his belly. “When are you going to learn to stay away from those horses?”

“A man must have his vices.” He smiled at her.

“Have you a midwife?”

He nodded. “I’ll be fine.” 

Frigga walked up beside them. Clasping Sigyn’s shoulder, she said to her, “Wait for me at the edge of the grove while I have a moment with my son.” Frigga watched Sigyn’s retreat, then turned to Loki. “You have changed.”

Loki glared at her. “I did that for her. I no longer need your approval.” He shot a frown skyward. “And I certainly don’t need his.”

A squeal below them drew their attention. Loden gamboled through the leaves, beating the trunks of trees with a stick while Bruce strode after him.

Frigga looked down at the boy with a smile. “He looks so much like you.”

“He’s nothing like me. He’s the product of a stable, loving environment.” He lifted an arm in a swift movement and drew the forest around them as if it were a curtain. Loden and Bruce disappeared behind the veil. Loki rounded on Frigga. “I don’t want you near him. I won’t let him come to yearn for your affection only to have you withdraw it the moment the All-Father disapproves. I can’t spare him every hurt, but I can spare him that one.” Tears stung his eyes. “And a sharp and brutal pain it is.”

“Loki.” She stepped toward him, her face soft, one hand outstretched.

He turned from her touch. “We’re long past pretending. Your true affections have always lain with Thor. Hold them there. I want nothing beyond my reach.”

She sighed behind him. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”

The beams of light around them turned to shadow as a cloud passed across the sun. A breeze kissed with frost sighed through the canopy of leaves overhead, pulling some free of their tethers to join their brethren in the leafy graveyard covering the forest floor. Crows cawed in the distance. “Its worth,” said Loki finally, without turning around, “is equivalent to the number of times you took my side against Thor or defended me to Odin.”

“Scorn me all you like,” she said to his back. “It pains me you found my love lacking, but I have always loved you, nonetheless...and some children are difficult to love, Loki.”

A chill crawled up Loki’s spine. An icy blast of air blew his hair back as he spun around, but he found only the empty glade and a spray of airborne dead leaves. He stood alone in the ensuing quiet as the leaves wafted to the ground.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The character, Sigyn, mentioned in this chapter is not from Marvel, but a re-imagined figure from Norse mythology. Instead of being Loki's wife, she was his assistant.
> 
> Warning: In the first few paragraphs of the first scene, Bruce and Loki discuss Loki's recent encounter with Frigga. Although Frigga is based on the Marvel character, the character in this story (like all of the characters in this story) is just an interpretation of the canon character and is not meant to imply that other interpretations are wrong. And I certainly don't mean to bash mothers--I am one. :)
> 
> Warning 2: This is the chapter where rape is mentioned, but there are no details.

Sitting on a sleeping bag, Loki leaned against Bruce and watched the fire burn in the fire pit while Loden slept in the shelter. The flames crackled and hissed. Loki sought comfort in the fire’s heat and in the random dance of the flames, but faces mocked him from the embers, faces that glowed and then turned to ash. The forest, breathing around them, felt dark and tragic—filled with small creatures being eaten by larger ones, all of them dancing to nature’s cruel song.

Bruce’s fingers traced up the inside of his arm. “You’re unusually quiet,” said Bruce gently. “Are you feeling all right? The veggie chili wasn’t too spicy, was it?”

“The chili was fine. The pasta was perfect.” In truth, the Ohioan cuisine wasn’t setting as well with him as it usually did, but that wasn’t why he was quiet. He sighed. “Mother—” He corrected himself. “Frigga visited me.”

Bruce took his hand and remained silent for a moment. When Loki didn’t continue, he asked, “Are you okay?”

Loki winced. He didn’t like lying to Bruce, but his feelings were so jumbled that any reply he could make felt like a lie. As he struggled to find something to say, Bruce made a sweet, whispery noise of sympathy and began rubbing the tight muscles knotted across Loki’s upper abdomen. Like a caving glacier, Loki melted off Bruce’s shoulder and puddled into Bruce’s lap. After a while he said, “I love her. Why do I still feel so angry?”

Bruce stroked around Loki’s upturned ear. “She didn’t protect you,” he said softly.

“She did once. After the Battle of New York, when Thor presented me to Odin, Odin told me he spared my life only because Frigga wished it.”

Although Bruce’s hands never stopped, he was quiet for a moment. “So— But that’s basic maternal instinct, isn’t it? Most animals will defend their young against the threat of death.” He sounded confused. “What did she sacrifice?”

Loki turned his head to look up at him. “What do you mean?”

“What happened to her as a result of standing up for you? She wouldn’t do it those other times, so she must have been afraid of something. What happened to her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did Odin leave her or she lost her position or was imprisoned—was she hurt?”

“I don’t think so…”

“In order to save your life, she had an uncomfortable conversation with her husband. Is that what you’re saying?”

Loki stared at the fire. He didn’t feel like saying anything.

Bruce sighed, “Loki, I’ve never seen a Mother’s Day card that said ‘thanks for not letting me die.’ That’s kind of the bare minimum for motherhood, isn’t it?”

“Your standards are high. Your mother risked bodily harm defending you and died trying to protect you. Not everyone can be Rebecca Banner.”

Bruce sat with that for a while. “I know,” he said finally, “but I don’t think it’s strange that you feel angry and hurt, maybe even betrayed. I do think you should recognize it, accept it, and try to let it go so it can’t hurt you anymore.” Simultaneously, he massaged the knotted muscles at the back of Loki’s neck and across his diaphragm. “You’re much too wonderful to hurt.”

Loki moaned gratefully as Bruce’s fingers found every sore spot. As arousal began to overtake pain, a thought struck him. “I’ve also been reminded,” he sighed bitterly, “that Heimdall is watching, so the next time we do something, I want to make the fucker’s hair turn white.”

“Poor Loki.” Bruce kneaded Loki’s chest while his other hand gently rubbed Loki’s gravid belly. “You’re tense all over. This encounter was particularly bad?”

“It’s always hard seeing her, but she brought Sigyn with her.” He explained a little of his relationship with Sigyn, the pendant, all that had happened in the woods.

Bruce, both hands in continuous motion, gazed down at Loki with nothing but love in his eyes. “You released her. It took a while, but you did the right thing.” He paused to stroke Loki’s cheek. “Why do you seem so sad, baby? It sounds like she’ll be okay.”

“I forgot about her.” A chill of conscience crackled through him. “I made her do terrible things for me, and then I just forgot about her.” Before Bruce could try to make things better, Loki said, “I made her help me commit a murder. She loved me, and that’s how I repaid her.”

Bruce’s hands paused in their attentions for a heartbeat, then resumed. “You killed someone to impress Odin?”

“No, he didn’t know anything about it.” He rolled over on his side, facing away from Bruce. “His name was Syn. He was a warrior. I was young, foolish. I had never lain with a man, but I loved him.” Loki took a breath. “I thought I loved him. I wanted him. I tried to deceive him… He raped me. I couldn’t tell anyone, but I wanted to punish him. I created a deadly potion and used Sigyn to deliver it. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.”

Bruce had been still and quiet throughout Loki’s story. A cold draft seemed to emanate from the man. “It’s a shame you don’t know how to use your magic to resurrect someone,” he said icily.

“Yes,” Loki agreed, shamed. “I wish that were possible.”

“Then I could smash the life out of him, and we could rinse and repeat until we became bored.”

Loki sat up, startled as much by the seriousness in Bruce’s voice as by the savagery of the statement. “You don’t know the other side of it.”

“There’s nothing you could have done that would justify that.” His dark eyes reflected the flames. His face was tense and fierce. He stared at Loki, the crackling of the fire the only sound. Tears caught the firelight. “How could anyone hurt you like that?” He reached for Loki.

Loki crashed into him. He crushed his face against Bruce’s shoulder, and then began to laugh. “I tell you that I killed someone and all you think about is me.”

“Is that so strange?” Bruce asked a little roughly, squeezing Loki tight. “You’re almost all I ever think about.”

Loki couldn’t reply. He felt on the verge of crying.

Bruce nuzzled against him. “My reaction isn’t that strange. When I told you I killed someone, you were turned on.”

“Right, but I used to be a villain.” He bent his neck to grant Bruce’s lips better access to it. “Under reactions to a murder confession in the villains’ handbook, sexual arousal is one of the recommended top ten.”

“What are the others?”

“Let’s see… Offering the murderer a bottle of Chardonnay?”

Bruce rumbled against Loki’s skin, his hands grazing Loki’s sides as they drifted down to Loki’s hips. “Okay. What else?”

“Ah, yes. There’s—” His breath hitched as Bruce’s fingers snuck beneath his shirt to trace the ticklish lower curve of his pregnant belly. “A gift certificate to Crate and Barrel.” A wave of desire swept him up. He grabbed Bruce’s cock and wrung it ferociously.

Bruce gnawed Loki’s clavicle and freed Loki’s hard cock from the prison of his warm black satin pajama bottoms. They fell back onto the sleeping bag, rutting and giggling. Bruce pulled Loki’s bottoms off and strangled Loki with them momentarily, while Loki clawed away Bruce’s pants. Loki spat in Bruce’s face, freed himself of his pj noose, and tied his bottoms like a kerchief around Bruce’s head. “You naughty ex-villain,” Bruce laughed as they tussled, “I’m gonna fuck you inside out!”

A sudden jolt of pain took Loki’s breath away. He pushed Bruce off of him with one hand and curled around the pain.

“Oh fuck! No! Did I hurt you? Loki?!”

“You didn’t injure me,” Loki managed. He made an effort to straighten so Bruce would calm down, but another painful jab held him in place. “Fuck.” He gnashed his teeth. “They haven’t been hurting this bad.”

“It’s going to be okay,” said Bruce, sounding more composed and functional as he tried to examine him. “Just breathe, Loki. Okay? Breathe.”

Loki obeyed. He smiled at Bruce as the pain faded. “You look very serious for someone with pajama pants tied around his head.”

Bruce removed the pants with a hasty swipe, but did not look amused. “How long have you been having cramps?”

“I’m not.” Loki sat up slowly. “They’re not cramps; they’re not contractions.” He caught Bruce’s seriousness as the realization washed over him. “They’re not normal.”

Bruce smoothed a hand down Loki’s arm. “What are they?”

Loki stared into Bruce’s concerned face. “Kicks.”

* * *

“He’s the one with the slight aura,” said Loki, eyes shut tight, voice clipped and breathless with pain.

“I don’t see an aura,” Bruce told him. He tried, once again, to reason with Loden. “Your multiplicity spell is alarming the nurses. We can’t stay with Fädir unless you dispel your doppelgangers.”

“I’m trying,” said a chorus of tearful Lodens, all dressed in fuzzy Captain America pajamas and wearing little replicas of Loki’s helm. “I can’t help it.” A dozen strong, they took up half of the emergency exam room.

“Fuck,” Loki swore softly, in a fetal position on the gurney. “It’s ten times worse since we got here. It’s nonstop.”

Feeling sick with sympathy, Bruce smoothed a hand down Loki’s lean back. “Try to relax. Try to be still.”

A nurse opened the door, and then the Lodens screamed, “Aunt Jen!”

Bruce hugged his cousin and Ororo as the Lodens swarmed them. Ororo left them to check Loki, and Bruce apologized to Jennifer.

“Stop that,” she smiled. “I told you—we were up. And Ro’s his midwife. She’s supposed to be here.”

“No!” said all of the Lodens. “It’s not time for the baby. It’s not time! Something’s wrong!”

Before Bruce could reply, Jennifer tapped one of the Lodens on his helm and the others disappeared into the ether. She grabbed the lone Loden. He hooked his arms and legs around her while she gave his neck and shoulder loud smooches.

Bruce stared in amazement. “How did you do that?”

Jennifer talked to him over Loden’s shoulder. He had relaxed his grip a bit, but remained attached to her like a monkey. “You have to let your eyes go out of focus a little until you can see the aura.”

“I tried that. I just can’t see him.”

“I bet you’d have no trouble as Hulk.”

“Right, I’ll just pop into Hulk—and that’s where it all falls apart.”

She shrugged. “I keep telling you, if I can do it, you can do it.” She patted Loden’s back. “Hey, Mr. Lokison-Banner, do you want to go see if we can find some chocolate milk?”

“No.”

“There’s that Banner negativity.” She flashed a grin at Bruce. “Ro, Loden and I are going to find something fun to do. Are you coming with or staying here?”

“I’m staying here,” said Loden, wriggling to get down.

Ororo left the bedside and clasped Loden’s shoulder. He turned to look at her. She smiled. “Would you like to go on the roof and play with lightning?”

Loden grinned wildly. “Yes! Of course!”

Jennifer kissed Bruce’s cheek. “Take care of Loki; don’t worry about anything else.”

As they were leaving, a nurse came to take Loki to have an ultrasound. Bruce helped the nurse ease Loki into the wheelchair. He held Loki’s hand as they rolled down the hallway.

* * *

Somewhat drowsily, Loki listened to Bruce call Jennifer to let her know they had been moved to a different section of the emergency room because Loki was under observation. Between the sedative, the painkiller, and the relief brought by the cessation of pain, he found it difficult to keep his eyes open. He closed them for a moment. When he opened them, he found Bruce, pale and somber as a gravestone, beside him.

Loki nuzzled Bruce’s hand as it stroked his hair. “I love you,” he said, his voice thick from the morphine-alternative. “It’s going to be okay. We can make this work.”

“I’m so sorry,” Bruce whispered. His voice rose in volume as he continued. “We should have stopped at Loden. I should have realized after Paisley—I didn’t think it through. I should have seen this coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER!!!!
> 
> Loki is NOT having a miscarriage. I did that to them in Beyond Recognition. I will never do that to them again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Pepper's white kitten and its name originated in KlaattuDuLak's pegging story, "Rings Don't Make Good Husbands." We were beta reading each other's fics while I was writing this, and he slipped a reference to Pepper helping Bruce and Loki with their press release into his, so I stole his kitten. He's my husband, so I can do that.
> 
>   
>    
> 

“Bruce.” Despite Loki’s reflexes being slowed by drugs, he caught one of Bruce’s frantic hands and pulled him down onto the hospital bed. “It’s not your fault—”

Bruce slipped away from Loki’s weak grip and paced about the room. “I know it’s terrible, but I thought—after what happened with Paisley—if it happened again—nature would cull what wasn’t natural—evolutionary checks and balances.”

“We never knew precisely what caused that miscarriage. We don’t know why Paisley--” He didn’t want to talk about the tiny green baby they had lost. “Like you said at the time, sometimes things are random.”

“And all the tests—what about all the tests?”

Loki rubbed the hard mass—either the baby’s head or her bottom—wedged uncomfortably beneath his ribcage. “I suppose she wasn’t hulked during the tests. These tests can’t tell everything. You know that.”

Bruce turned away, holding his forehead. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Loki wished he didn’t feel so lightheaded. Bruce needed comforting or a blowjob or little bit of mischief. “Every pregnancy carries risks,” said Loki. He managed a little snarl. “Now come here, hold my hand, and quit being such a fucking drama queen. You’re not the one in pain.”

Although Loki had intended that statement to be somewhat humorous, Bruce looked utterly distraught as he met Loki’s gaze. “And on top of everything, it’s hurting you. Oh, Loki!” He took Loki’s hand and kissed the knuckles as he folded over Loki’s chest. “Loki, sweet Loki, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“We’ll manage,” Loki told him, stroking his hair. “It’s not the worst thing that could happen. Stop blaming yourself.”

Jennifer, Ororo, and Loden tumbled into the room with the merriment of clowns exiting a tiny car. Jennifer stopped and frowned at Bruce and Loki. “Why is it like a funeral in here? Aren’t we celebrating?”

Bruce rose from the bed, bristling. “It’s not exactly good news.”

“No,” said Jennifer, “it’s great news. Loki’s fine. The baby’s fine.”

“The baby is not fine. It’s far from fine.”

Bruce’s unfiltered bitterness surprised Loki. “Bruce—”

“What’s wrong with my sister?” cried Loden. He looked up at Ororo. “You said she was perfect. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong with her, sweetheart,” Jennifer told him gently, but her eyes flashed when she turned back to Bruce. “Ro, I think the gift shop’s open now. Why don’t you and Loden go find something cute for the baby?” As Ororo and Loden left, Jennifer added, still glaring at Bruce, “The baby that has absolutely nothing wrong with her.”

“You don’t understand,” said Bruce.

“I thought you had accepted him finally,” said Jennifer. “I thought you were okay with all of it now.”

“Accepting Hulk or not has nothing to do with this—this thing! It’s hurting Loki!”

“She. Before tonight, you were calling her _she_.”

“I don’t think changing pronouns makes this better.”

“It’s not that bad. Loki’s going to be fine. The baby’s going to be fine—”

“It’s going to be a monster!” yelled Bruce, green with rage one instant, green with sickness the next. He turned to Loki, horror rampant on his face, a hand before his mouth as if the words could, somehow, be forced back in.

Loki snatched Bruce’s other hand and pulled it to his cheek. “I’m hungry. I need pudding.” Loki fought to ignore the tears welling in Bruce’s eyes. He kissed Bruce’s thumb and ran its tip over the edge of his lower teeth. “Chocolate or tapioca. Please.”

Bruce drew a deep breath and cleared his throat. “Chocolate or tapioca.” He nodded stiffly, patting Loki’s thigh. “Okay.” He left on that note, walking past Jennifer without looking at her.

Looking confused, Jennifer sat on the bed and rubbed Loki’s arm. “What the fuck was that?” she asked in a voice low with amazement.

“Stop attacking him.”

She frowned at Loki for a moment, then softened. “I didn’t mean to upset him.”

“I’m glad you’re excited about this, but we’re still trying to process it.” He looked at the door and felt overwhelmed with sympathy and longing. “I can’t say this is easy for me, but for him— Hulk’s origin—this has to reopen so many old wounds.”

Jennifer stared at the floor. “Yeah…I guess the accident was pretty traumatic for him.”

“Right,” said Loki, surprised that she didn’t know what he had meant. “The accident…was traumatic.” Jennifer was Bruce’s closest relative; they were more like siblings than cousins. Yet she seemed to know nothing about Hulk’s genesis. The radiation accident had given Hulk a physical outlet, but it was the abuse Bruce had suffered at the hands of his father that had caused the rift in his mind that had created the Hulk persona. “He is better, but there’s so much fear and shame wound up with his feelings about Hulk. He lets go of it, but it sneaks in again.”

She nodded slowly. “That makes sense. For him, becoming Hulk has a painful association. My ability came with a life-saving gift of his blood.” She sighed. “But that’s no reason to act like this baby is a monster just because she can turn into a hulk.” She rubbed Loki’s blanketed belly. “She’s going to be a treasure, not a monster.”

Loki smiled, but couldn’t quite disguise his sadness. “She is a treasure.”

“Of course, I’m sorry the rest of the pregnancy is going to be difficult for you.”

“No, not at all,” said Loki. “The doctor said therapeutic doses of painkillers are fine. There’s a slight risk she could suffer from withdrawal a few days after birth, but she should be all right as long as I’m careful. And I can handle a certain amount of pain.”

“Then why do you look so downcast?”

“You didn’t grow up as She-Hulk. You don’t know what it’s like to grow up different.”

Jennifer laughed. “Her parents are gay Avengers, one of whom becomes a green giant while the other is a thousands-year-old male god capable of becoming pregnant, and her big brother is a little sorcerer. Loki, she could be born perfectly normal and she’d grow up different.”

Loki couldn’t share her mirth. “Bruce has so much trouble controlling his power. What kind of life can she have?”

“A fantastic one.”

“What if she isn’t like you?”

“Bruce has completely polluted your view of this, hasn’t he? He’s much better but—” She shifted into She-Hulk. “He acts like this is a curse. It isn’t. It’s a gift. It feels—” She rolled her shoulders and arched her neck back, luxuriating. “—wonderful.” She sighed, shaking her head in frustration. “It’s so hard to explain…”

“I think I understand,” said Loki. “I love shapeshifting. I once spent an entire year as a salmon.”

She-Hulk beamed. “Maybe you _can_ understand. I spent nearly three years in this form once, just because I enjoyed it so much.” She shifted back to her non-hulk self. “I’ve made peace with this body, but I prefer the other one. Somehow, it feels more like the real me.”

Loki thought of the way he shunned his Jotun aspect. “I understand that perfectly.”

“I imagine," said Jennifer, "the way Bruce’s power manifested tainted his ability to enjoy being Hulk.”

Loki felt a strong, sudden pang of sympathy for his scientist and wished he could touch him. His face must have revealed some need, for Jennifer placed her hand over his and gave him a gentle smile, her eyes full of empathy and concern. “I hate to say this, Loki, but it needs to be said. You’re going to have to be the one who teaches this child to love her hulk side.”

* * *

“Loki? JARVIS said you were in here?”

“I’m here.” Loki smiled at Pepper as she peered in through the cracked door. He lay propped up on the bed in his favorite of Tony’s guest rooms. Only the greenish light from the aquarium lit the darkness.

“Are you feeling all right?”

“I just needed to go somewhere quiet and be still for a while.” When Tony took Bruce, Loden, and Nick to watch him play with his latest toys, Loki had seized the opportunity to escape the holiday festivities. But he was glad to see his galpal. Aside from Bruce, she had been his first Midgardian friend.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Of course not.” He patted the bed. “Come in.” Usually, they saw each other at least once a week, but he realized suddenly that he hadn’t seen her since Loden’s birthday, over a month ago.

Pepper crawled onto the bed and sat beside him, curling her legs beneath her. A fuzzy white kitten followed her, bouncing across the bed like a dandelion tuft. “Thor seemed to be trying to eat all of the pumpkin pie, so I saved you a piece.”

“Thanks.” The kitten started to scale his towering belly, looked daunted, then climbed onto his chest, purring. “And thank you for having us over for Thanksgiving again.”

Pepper scratched under the kitten’s chin. “Of course. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without you. Although, when you go hide, it kind of defeats the point of inviting you.”

He smirked. “I wasn’t hiding. I never hide.”

She tilted her head at him as he slid a hand up and down the curvature of his belly. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You barely ate anything. Is it Nick? Are you upset Nick’s here?”

“I’m fine with Nick. I feel well enough.” He stroked the kitten as it curled atop the ledge of his stomach. “I’m trying to keep the hulklit calm. I don’t feel like being smashed at the moment.”

“The painkillers aren’t helping?”

“They help. But I’m attempting to use them sparingly. I’m trying not to agitate her. Spicy foods and loud noises can make fetuses move more, so I’m eating a bland diet and making an effort to keep my surroundings quiet.” He grinned. “The night we went to the hospital Bruce made veggie chili with pasta. The spices must have excited her.”

Pepper frowned with concern. “Is he okay?”

“He’s better. He still acts like he’s to blame if I react to a kick, but…” Loki shrugged a little. “I’m learning not to react.”

Pepper seemed about to say something, then held silent. She stroked the sleeping kitten, then rubbed Loki’s belly, her fingers dragging over his black sweater. She sighed. “Sometimes it’s difficult loving someone.”

“Sometimes it’s difficult being loved,” said Loki. “But I love him, and I know he loves me. Everything else is trivial. We can make this work.”

They watched the fish for a while in silence. Pepper turned to him suddenly. “How far along are you again?”

“Seven months.”

“You two still haven’t decided on a name?”

“We’ve talked about it. We just haven’t found the right one yet.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think you can send her to school calling her Hulklit.”

Loki laughed. “No, hopefully we’ll have decided on something better by then. After all, names are important. They need to be just right.” He smiled impishly. “Like Fairy Boots.” He fingered between the kitten’s ears.

She shook her head in mock irritation. “It’s a perfectly good name for a cat. It’s from a Black Sabbath song.”

“It’s from Tony.”

She shrugged a little. “I like it.”

“Yes, and when your children are named Supernaut and War Pig, I’m sure you’ll like those too.”

She grinned. “I was thinking Sweet Leaf would be nice.”

“Actually, Fairy Boots is a cute name. When I let Bruce name the animals, he gives them strange names. Feynman, Koan…”

“Because Daenerys isn’t a strange name,” said Pepper.

“Not at all,” said Loki stoutly. “It’s a perfectly sensible name for a beautiful chicken.”

“Oh,” said Pepper. “I almost forgot.” She dug in the pocket of her skirt. “I found this on my last trip to China and had to get it for you.” She presented him with a small chicken carved from green stone and turned on a light so he could see it better. “For your collection.”

The stone felt cool in his hand. Even the shade of green was cool and creamy. It was the color of the word ‘tranquil.’ It was the color of lakes in dreams. “It’s beautiful,” he said. “Thank you. I’ve never seen a stone like this.”

Pepper smiled. “It’s called jade.”

“Jade,” Loki repeated. It was strong, but serene—exactly the qualities he wished for his hulk daughter. Surely, Bruce would agree.


	16. Chapter 16

December 18 

“This might go on record as the lamest birthday party ever,” Tony told Bruce as they hefted the cardboard box toward the door. “Games has definitely fallen down on the job on this one.”

“This was my idea,” said Bruce, glancing over his shoulder as he walked backwards. “The lease was up, and Loki’s due date is January 27th. This just happened to be the best day to move.” He winced at the sound of breaking pottery from across the room.

“Sorry,” said Thor.

Tony lifted his end of the box a little higher. “I could have had all of this done for you.”

“Yeah, but this way, we all get to hang out, and there will be less clutter in the new apartment.”

***

Loki joined Bruce for a final survey of the old apartment. It looked strange and naked without their stuff in it. Their voices echoed slightly in the bare rooms; it didn’t even sound the same.

“Everything’s in order,” pronounced Bruce, and Loki was glad to see him so brisk and happy.

Loki, however, felt odd. He tried to smile so Bruce wouldn’t notice.

Bruce swung an arm around his shoulders and pulled his face close. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing. It’s just—” He looked about the empty living area. “We fell in love here.”

Bruce rolled his fist down Loki’s back. “I fall in love with you everywhere.”

They kissed in the silent, barren room, and then, holding hands, they left to join their friends and show them the new apartment.

* * *

Loki waited, a little breathlessly, as Bruce unlocked the door. Loden danced on Loki’s feet. The others were pressed behind him, waiting to see the new apartment before they filled it with furniture and cardboard boxes.

Bruce opened the door, walked in, then turned around. “No, there’s been a mistake.”

Loki shifted his bulk sideways, effectively blocking the doorway, to prevent Bruce’s escape. “I don’t think so. This is the right apartment.”

“It’s supposed to be empty. There’s a piano in here.”

Loki grinned. “Happy birthday, Bruce.”

“No.” Bruce frowned. “No. We can’t afford—” He looked at Tony, just behind Loki, accusingly. “You shouldn’t have done this.”

“I had nothing to do with it,” said Tony. “Malefifat must have Loki’d someone.”

Loki turned on him. “I’m nearly eight months pregnant!” His outburst spooked Loden into Jennifer’s legs.

“You were supposed to stop doing that,” said Steve, pushing past Thor.

“I did nothing wrong,” snapped Loki. “It was an honest bargain.” He stepped toward Bruce. “You don’t like it?” Bruce stared at the black baby grand as if he were afraid to touch it. Looking dazed, he turned to Loki. Loki pressed close to him. “What’s wrong?”

Bruce murmured, “Her piano was the first thing he sold after he killed her. I haven’t lived with one since.” He caressed Loki’s cheek with his knuckles. “You’re unbelievable.” He held Loki’s chin and kissed him with rough ardor.

Somewhere behind them, Thor cleared his throat. Feeling lightheaded, Loki pulled free and waved everyone inside. “Welcome to the new place!”

He enjoyed the ensuing buzz of activity as everyone explored the rooms and admired the space, the moving of the furniture and belongings, the bustle of people in the kitchen helping themselves to the refreshments he had stocked there when the piano had been delivered. But amid all of the activity, he kept stealing moments with Bruce—sometimes glances, sometimes touches, sometimes a brush of lips on skin—and for a heartbeat, the world would stop, and everything around them would hush and stand still.

* * *

From the balcony outside their bedroom, Loki watched the lights of the restless city catch on his lashes as he leaned backward against Bruce. He rubbed Bruce’s arms, wrapped around him, as Bruce’s hands massaged his pregnant belly. The new apartment was starting to look and feel like their home. They had opened all of the boxes and put almost everything away. The family photos were on the credenza; clothes were in the closets; Koan swam in his little bubbling tank in the master bath; chicken magnets held a new portrait of Daenerys on the refrigerator. Daenerys herself was situated in her plush coop on the green roof along with Bruce’s apple tree. The living room balcony hosted a small container garden. On the balcony off the master bedroom, the fire pit held the charred remains of the Yule log they had burned the week before. The Christmas tree still stood in the living room, ready to greet the new year, set to arrive in two days.

Bruce nuzzled Loki’s ear. “Loden’s asleep, and Jade’s asleep.” His tongue circled the outer edge of Loki’s earlobe. “It’s just you and me and Manhattan.”

“I wish we had some chocolate frozen yogurt banana smoothies.” He turned to look at Bruce hopefully. “With whipped cream—the tofu kind you make in the food processor.”

Bruce laughed. “I was thinking something entirely different, but okay.”

“I’ll let you lick whipped tofu cream off me.”

“You had me at banana,” Bruce whispered in his ear. He gave Loki a little squeeze. “Give me ten minutes or so.”

“I’ll help.”

“No,” said Bruce firmly. He pulled up a chair and guided Loki into it. “You’ll sit here.” He lifted Loki’s feet and sat them on the ledge. “And put your feet up and enjoy the view.” His hand drifted back to Loki’s shoulder as he prepared to leave.

Loki lifted Bruce’s hand from his shoulder and kissed it. He found Bruce staring at him with a tenderness that made his heart melt. With a sigh, Loki watched Bruce leave, then turned his gaze back to the skyline.

Although he had been hungry only minutes ago, as he waited for Bruce, his eyelids became heavy. His blinks lengthened sleepily. The lights of the city. Blackness. Blackness. A kiss of lights. Blackness. Blackness. Blackness. A hooded figure—a jagged grin and a slash of grey-skinned face.

Loki started up with a jerk, but something held him fast to his seat. He couldn’t move his hands. His breath strangled in his throat. The figure pointed a double bladed staff at Loki’s gravid belly. Pointed tips grazed Loki’s skin. “And then there were two,” said the figure in a voice like footfalls on gravel. “This will be more fun than I expected.”

“Please,” Loki managed in a strained voice. “Whatever problem you have with me—she’s innocent.”

“Even the innocent are damned by your corruption, Loki Laufeyson. You were warned your failure would cost. You should have listened to the Other. I am the Self, the collector of your debt.” The square of light from the bedroom revealed the figure’s rictus smile. The points of the staff’s blades pierced the taut skin of Loki’s belly. The staff itself was thick and of the same strange metal as the blades. The blades cut his skin easily, as if they were gliding through butter.

And then the creature swung the staff, the blades flying skyward, the metal staff’s other end striking the crest of Loki’s belly with a terrific force.

Whatever held Loki’s throat no longer allowed him to make a sound. He writhed in silent agony. Somewhere within the maelstrom of pain, he could feel the familiar hurt of Jade, hulked, flailing.

The Self’s black-gloved fingers grazed the air between them. “Ah, good. She’s old enough to breathe on her own. You’ll get to watch while I hack her from your body and torture her slowly. They don’t understand pain at first. They cry so softy, uncommitted. But then they learn to shriek.” He laughed, a dusty sound like someone beating an old rug. He poked the tips of the blades at the movement lifting beneath Loki’s torn sweater. “You’ll get to watch me snap every one of her tiny bones. Watch me skin her alive. Her whole life will be nothing but pain. And when she’s finally gone, I’ll start my work on you—”

Glass shattered at Loki’s back. The double blades slid across his stomach as the Self faced the new threat. Hulk roared and snatched up the figure. The bladed staff bounced off Hulk’s chest and flew over the balcony.

Snarling, Hulk smashed the hooded figure between his hands, angrily slapping them together a couple of times before shaking the wet debris over the ledge with an expression of utter revulsion. Then, radiating nothing but fury, he turned on Loki.

Loki, freed from the Self’s spell, held his stomach, which continued to throb with pain. Blood seeped through his hands. He couldn’t seem to find his voice.

Hulk grabbed him and crunched over the shattered glass into the bedroom. Loki’s head swam. Hulk sat cross-legged on the floor and held Loki gently, frowning down at him. He made a mournful sound as Loki gingerly examined himself. Loki traced the scarlet twin paths; thankfully, they weren’t deep. Pain still radiated from the impact of the staff’s blunt end, but he could feel Jade’s excited kicks beneath it. He welcomed the internal pain—proof of life. He basked in it, and didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until a disgruntled snort misted his face.

“It’s a shallow wound,” Loki assured him. “She’s all right. I can feel her moving.”

Hulk groaned softly. He held Loki close to his face and sniffed him.

“I’m fine,” said Loki with a touch of irritability. His teeth chattered. “I’m just bruised.”

Hulk cradled him to his chest with a great sigh.

Loki pressed his cheek against a hard, green pec. “You’re warm as toast.” His body seemed heavy, but his head felt so light. “You always liked me,” he said sleepily. “From the very beginning. You can’t pretend otherwise. I’ve seen now what you do when you’re _truly_ angry.”

And then Bruce was holding him, kissing him, guiding him to the bed until he sat back on the mattress. They kissed a few minutes more as Loki’s thoughts blurred with his vision. Then Bruce rubbed his forehead against Loki’s, his hands cupping the back of Loki’s head. “I should figure out what to do about that door and clean up this mess.” He parted from Loki with a relieved sigh.

And then he said softly, “Oh god—oh god, no.”

Loki managed to crack his eyelids open. Everything within sight was soaked in blood.


	17. Chapter 17

“Shouldn’t you dress his wound first?” asked Thor

“The blood isn’t coming from the wound,” said Bruce. “It’s from the birthing stoma. I think it’s a placental abruption—the placenta has separated from Loki’s womb.”

Thor stared at him.

“It’s bad.”

Thor scooped Loki up gingerly, swaddling him in the sheets and duvet. “We could lose the baby?”

The mournful note in his voice shook through Bruce’s bones. His own voice caught as he replied. “We could lose them both.” He strained for calm. “It’s like I told you on the phone—there’s no time for an ambulance. He needs proper medical care fast—lightning fast, Thor.”

“Put me down,” said Loki, weak but insistent. “I’m not dressed.”

“Keep him talking,” said Bruce, following them onto the balcony.

Thor looked down at Loki, bundled against him. “That should be easy.” He raised his hammer and was gone, leaving Bruce on the balcony amid the shattered glass.

“Loki! I love you!” Bruce shouted into the dying wind.

* * *

“This is happening,” said Loki, finding the words almost as difficult as the realization. “I’m not dreaming it.”

“I have you,” said Thor.

Loki watched the lights blur past. “Will you take her to Asgard? Like you did with her sister?”

“Jade will be born healthy and strong,” Thor told Loki. “Nothing will happen to her.”

“But you’ll do that?”

Thor was silent for a moment. “Yes.”

“Don’t take my ashes to Asgard. I want to be with Bruce. I want to always be with Bruce.”

“Loki—”

“I wish things had been different between us.”

“You and Bruce?” asked Thor.

“You’re such a fucking idiot.” Loki heaved a cold, painful breath. “You and me. I wish we had been friends.”

“We are friends.”

“A truce is not a friendship.” Loki shivered and closed his heavy eyelids. He snapped awake as Thor shook him.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes, of course,” Loki said irritably, not wanting to admit his lapse in consciousness.

“We’re almost there, Brother.”

Loki felt the winter chill embrace him. It draped its icy cloak around him, kissed his skin with lips of frost, and claimed him for its own. There was no pain now, only cold. He sighed with a bittersweet resignation. No cunning spell nor artful deception could keep the cold at bay. He couldn’t fight this.

Yet, as he stared down at the sparkling lights of the city, he felt a thrill of joy. “My beautiful city,” he whispered. “I tried to conquer you; you defeated me, and I won.”

A roar of engines joined the sound of the air rushing by as the sky overhead filled with starless blackness. Loki, content, sank into a darkness of his own.

* * *

Bruce stood in the sparsely-lit hall, staring through the glass. The small medical bay, in contrast to the hallway’s night setting, shone with white light and stainless steel. He watched the team, a young man and woman, buzz about Loki, and fought the urge to barge in on them.

Agent Coulson joined him. “He’s in good hands,” he said, eyes on the window.

“They look so young,” said Bruce softly. “Are they even old enough to drive?”

“They’re exceptional.”

Bruce looked at Coulson. “I didn’t realize Thor would take him here. I didn’t even know you were nearby. I’m sorry. He—”

“Did the right thing if he wants his brother to live,” said Coulson. “It’s all right.” He sighed. “Some part of me still wants to hate Loki, but I can’t. Whether I like it or not, his impact on my life has been profound. This plane, my team—everything that happened after he killed me. He crossed my path and changed my life. I can’t hate him for that.”

“That’s what the archetypal trickster does.” Bruce watched the activities behind the window with a sinking feeling. “He turns us on our heads and makes us see our lives in a new way.” He was no longer thinking of Coulson. He choked up, turning away from the agent and turning his back to the window.

A door opened and a pack of Lodens swarmed him. “Daddy!” they yelled.

“Are all of these yours?” Coulson asked with some alarm.

She-Hulk and Storm walked up. “I had him singular during the flight,” said She-Hulk, “but he keeps multiplying.”

“He’s frightened,” said Bruce, stroking little faces.

She-Hulk stepped toward the Lodens. To Bruce she said, “Do you want me to—”

Bruce shook his head negatively. “I’ll do it.” He knelt amid the Lodens. “Okay, so there are nine of you. What’s the square root of nine Lodens?” Three Lodens remained. “Why is three a special number?”

“Because it’s prime,” said the Lodens, their faces very serious.

“Is two a prime number?”

“Yes.”

“Can we subtract two to get another prime number?”

The last Loden grabbed Bruce around the neck. Bruce held him and savored the feel of his wiry little body, so full of life and energy. He smoothed back Loden’s raven hair. “Agent Coulson, this is my son, Loden.”

“Loden Shantidev Lokison-Banner,” said Loden, offering his hand.

Coulson shook his hand, smiling. “He’s cute.”

“He looks like Loki,” said Bruce.

“He’s still cute,” said Coulson.

“Daddy, can I see Fädir now?”

“Not right now. He’s still— They’re still trying to stabilize him.” A wave of fear washed over him. If he couldn’t even explain this, how would he explain— He refused to let himself ride that train of thought any farther. He kissed Loden’s forehead. “Not now, okay?”

Loden nodded. He looked very small as Bruce stood. Coulson bent toward him. “Would you like to take a tour of this plane? There’s some pretty exciting stuff.”

Loden looked at Bruce. Bruce smiled at him. “Yeah, go ahead. That sounds like fun.” He watched the agent and the boy disappear down the corridor. He turned at the sound of the door opening behind him. “Pepper?”

“Jane called us.” Pepper hugged him.

He explained the medical situation, quietly hiding his emotion behind stacks of data. She squeezed his hand and joined Jennifer and Ororo. Pepper began to cry. The couple surrounded her. Bruce watched the women console each other.

Wordlessly, Tony walked toward him. They stared at each other, frozen in place, silent. Bruce started to explain Loki’s condition, but something inside him snapped. Tony’s uncharacteristic solemnity and the glassiness of his eyes robbed Bruce of his ability to feign normalcy. He embraced Tony and sobbed on his shoulder.

Tony held him and patted his back. He said nothing. When Loki had miscarried, everyone had kept telling Bruce it would be okay. No one said that now. No one said anything.  
At last, Bruce sniffled and said, his face still buried in Tony’s shoulder, “Say something dickish so I can get off of you.”

Tony held Bruce firmly. He sighed. “Stop being such a pussy. Blowinkle’s going to be fine. He’s doing this for attention. You must not be exfoliating his feet enough or folding his underwear correctly.”

Wiping his face, Bruce pulled away. “That was obnoxious. Thanks.” He found the young woman from the medical bay beside him.

Wide-eyed, she gaped at Tony and clutched a tablet to her chest. “Oh, hello!” she gasped in some sort of British accent.

Tony looked around. “Will someone tell Hermione this isn’t Comicon?” He barked at the horrified girl, “Stop staring at me and take care of my friend!”

“I’m sorry, Agent Simmons,” said Bruce. “We’re like family, and we’re all pretty stressed.”

Simmons smiled at him. “I understand. Our team is family too.” She ducked her head shyly, as if trying to avoid Tony. “There’s good news. The baby is doing much better than expected. She shouldn’t be doing this well.”

“She’s hulked.” Bruce closed his eyes. For the first time since learning of the baby’s inheritance, he was grateful. “Good girl,” he whispered, “keep fighting.”

“Also, the blood transfusion from Thor worked, and—”

“I still don’t see how that’s possible,” said Bruce. “They’re different races.”

“It seems more like they’re only different ethnicities. He and Loki have the same blood type, so it worked.” Her pert demeanor waned. “But he hasn’t regained consciousness and his vitals are erratic. We need your permission— We need to perform a C-section, but there’s a strong possibility he won’t survive it.” She cringed slightly. “Dr. Banner, he might not make it even if we don’t perform the surgery.”

“I’ll see him now,” said Bruce.


	18. Chapter 18

“He nearly bled to death on the way here,” said Fitz, as Bruce quickly checked the equipment and readings.

Bruce glanced up at Simmons. “You said it’s a partial abruption? The umbilical cord is still attached?”

“Yes, but the hemorrhaging was severe. He shouldn’t be alive,” said Simmons anxiously, on Bruce’s heels, touching everything he touched as if to make it hers again. “But his physiology is almost incomprehensible. He has organs and structures I’ve never seen—and the healing factor he’s exhibiting is 2.35 times faster than indicated in his records.”

“It’s not enough to repair all of the damage,” said Fitz.

“But it’s keeping him alive,” said Simmons.

They both edged away as Bruce leaned over Loki’s head. Bruce stroked Loki’s hair, lost for a moment, then looked up at the agents. “She’s hulked, and they’re sharing blood. She’s keeping him alive.”

“Barely alive,” said Fitz.

Simmons frowned. “Shouldn’t Loki be exhibiting hulk signs if he’s been infected—that is, subjected to—”

“Loki’s magical,” said Bruce. His voice softened as he looked down at Loki, somehow strangely small in the hospital bed. “Ancient, mysterious…. It could be something physiological, or perhaps some magical immunity. Anything’s possible with Loki.”

“It might be better for him if he weren’t immune,” said Fitz. “His chances of recovery aren’t good. If we act now, we can save the baby—”

“I need to be alone with him.”

Fitz hastened to explain. “We can’t leave—”

“Now!” Bruce growled.

Simmons pulled Fitz into an adjacent room.

Bruce kissed Loki’s forehead and caressed his face, drawing his fingers slowly across the taut skin. “Oh, Loki,” he said softly. He had touched this face a million times, but even now the shadow of death seemed to be changing it.

Bruce held still, torn. Finally, he said, “It’s okay. If you need to go, we’ll be okay.” He had to pause to master his emotions. “I’ll…I’ll make the children do all of those rituals I don’t believe in, and I’ll find someone to teach them magic, and I won’t punish them if they’re a little mischievous. I’ll try to do everything you—” He swallowed tears. “I’ll have help. They’ll be fine. So, if you need...to go…then…it’s okay.”

Crouching over the bed, he kissed beside Loki’s ear and whispered, “But if you have a choice, please stay.” Tears slid down his face. He gripped Loki’s limp hand and cradled it to his chest. “Stay where you’re loved and wanted. Stay with me, Loki. Please. Stay with me.”

Bruce couldn’t seem to hold his head up any longer. He clung to Loki’s hand and wept against his neck. After a small eternity, in the midst of his grief, he felt a whisper of fingers glide through his hair. He drew his head up. Watery, gem-bright eyes, just slits, gazed at him.

“No barriers,” Loki rasped.

Bruce hugged his neck and shoulders awkwardly. “No,” he said tearfully. “Never between us.” As he held Loki, he noticed the small flash he associated with Loki’s healing spells. He pulled away, startled. “You healed yourself?”

A flush of color had returned to Loki’s face. “Not quite,” said Loki. “Almost. Close.”

“I didn’t think you could cast healing spells when you were severely injured.”

“I’ve become much stronger since I’ve been with the Avengers,” said Loki. “Besides, you know I always heal better if you’re holding me.”

Bruce had the distinct impression Loki was having a laugh at his expense. He couldn’t have been happier. He hugged Loki again, this time with a bit more force.

Fitz and Simmons charged into the room. “What did you do?” Fitz asked Bruce. Apparently, they had been monitoring the readings from the other room.

“I didn’t do anything,” said Bruce. “Loki healed himself.”

Loki smiled at him. “Partially healed.” He took Bruce’s hand. “Bruce started healing me years ago.”

Fitz frowned at him. Simmons looked up from scurrying about the room, then flew to Loki’s side. Loki closed his eyes and shuddered just as she reached him. “The contractions have started again,” she said, breathless.

Fitz began examining readings, presumably the same readings his colleague had just checked. “Are they both strong enough for a normal delivery?”

“If you consider delivery via a male birthing stoma normal, I believe so,” said Simmons.

Bruce hugged her, then Loki, then Fitz, then left to tell the others.

“I see Loki’s awake,” said Jennifer. “What’s happening now?”

“Now we’re having a baby!” said Bruce.

* * *

Loki knew he should have felt grateful. He was fortunate to be alive, and Jade had been unharmed. But even as his beloved Bruce held his hand, even as he knew how fortunate he was, he couldn’t help feeling a little upset. This was not the way it was supposed to be. This was not what he had imagined. Not what he had planned.

He was supposed to be in their lovely new apartment, not on some plane—certainly not on Coulson’s. And he was to be attended by Bruce and Ororo, not whoever these nerd larvae were. And his friends were supposed to be there. And there was supposed to be music and candlelight and ritualistic flare.

Instead, there was Bruce, the nerd twins, and a large empty window.

At least there was Bruce.

That thought made him lean his head against Bruce’s arm as another contraction hit. When he opened his eyes, what he saw made him doubt his senses. “Bruce, what’s happening out there?”

Before Bruce could answer, Ororo, dressed in a green velvet cloak, rested her hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Are you ready to have this baby?” she asked as she folded down his blanket to reveal the stoma. She was careful to keep his genitals and legs covered for warmth and privacy. Although, most of the time Loki didn’t mind exposing himself to anyone and everyone, her concern touched him. And, truth be told, he felt vulnerable enough as it was and appreciated the coverage.

Loki laughed at her. “How did you get the cloak?”

“Pepper brought them. She had hoped you were just going into premature labor. She and Tony were en route when they found out how bad things were.”

“So I’m not imagining all of those candles out there?”

Ororo smiled. “No. I’ll bring some in here too.”

Tony and Pepper, also clad in green cloaks, waltzed into the medical bay. Loki grinned at them. Tony shook a sprig of rosemary at Bruce. “What exactly am I supposed to do with this?”

“I have a few suggestions,” said Loki, but a hard contraction stole him away from the conversation.

The next thing he knew, She-Hulk was lighting incense on the stainless steel tray near him. Both of the young agents had donned green cloaks (Loki and Pepper had bought extras just in case they decided to invite a few others). Agent Coulson, sans cloak, entered, looking displeased. “I guess I don’t mind you turning this place into a circus,” he said to Loki and Bruce, “but I don’t think I can allow you to burn things on my plane.”

“We burn things on our plane all the time,” said Tony.

Bruce shot Tony a wary look.

“It’s okay, Bruce,” said Nick walking up. “Everyone knows what you and Tony do on the plane. Don’t worry about the open flames, Coulson. If anything happens, I’ll take the heat for it.”

“Where did you get that costume?” Bruce asked in amazement. It should have surprised Bruce that Nick was even there, but the fact that Fury was dressed in robes and a brown hooded cloak was even more surprising.

“What this?” said Nick. “It’s just something I had in the closet. I heard we were doing some kind of dress-up thing.”

While Nick and Bruce talked, Loki watched the candles flicker outside the window. Thor held Loden while Jane amazed the boy with some tale—probably something about the wonders of the cosmos. Clint and Steve swatted each other with sprigs of rosemary while Natasha rolled her eyes at them. Everyone wore a cloak.

“Are you okay?” asked Bruce, leaning close to Loki and massaging his stomach.

“Everything’s perfect,” said Loki. “All we’re missing is the music.” He gritted his teeth as another contraction rolled through him.

Bruce kissed his temple. He said something to Coulson, but Loki couldn’t make it out. The redhead said something to Bruce about a malfunction with the med bay’s speakers. As the contraction eased, Loki heard Bruce ask Tony if the suit was still wired for sound. Another contraction tore Loki’s breath away. He pulled Bruce close and hid his face in Bruce’s chest.

When he looked up, Iron Man clomped into the med bay. And then Sabbath’s _Iron Man_ began blasting off the med bay walls. Bruce knocked on the face shield. It opened and Tony frowned at Bruce. The music stopped. “Do you have anything more soothing?” asked Bruce. “Something I might like?”

Barry Manilow’s _Copa Cabana_ issued from the suit’s sound system.

“Hilarious,” said Bruce flatly. “We’re trying to welcome my daughter. Not scar her for life.”

“I’m not moonlighting as a labor DJ,” said Tony. “I don’t know what kind of crap you and Blitzen want to squirt out kids to.” He shrugged. “Maybe some Lady Gaga?”

“You have Lady Gaga in there?” said Pepper.

She-Hulk peered curiously at the suit. “Yeah, and where did the Manilow come from?”

“What about some Ziggy Marley?” asked Bruce. “ _I Don’t Want to Live on Mars_?”

“ _Fly Rasta_ is a good album,” said Tony. Smooth reggae began to pulse from the speakers.

“What’s with you two?” Pepper scolded. “What about what Loki wants?”

“This is perfect,” Loki reassured her. In pain, he strained to speak. “Bruce, I think it’s happening.”

“It’s time to push,” Ororo confirmed.

But after pushing with a few contractions, Loki felt faint. “I can’t do it,” he panted in Bruce’s ear. “I can’t.”

“You can,” said Bruce. “I know you can.”

“You need to push, Loki,” said Ororo. “Come on, big push!”

Loki tried, but nothing seemed to happen.

“Loki, push!” Ororo commanded. “I have my hands on her. We’re almost there. Now push!”

“So weak,” said Loki.

Bruce stroked his cheek. “You have to push,” he said gently, leaning over Loki.

“She’s a little bluish,” said She-Hulk, her voice filled with dread.

Pepper gasped. “No. Oh, no. Not after all—”

“Loki, hurry!” cried She-Hulk.

“Push!” Ororo ordered.

“You can do it, Loki,” Bruce whispered, his arm around Loki’s shoulders.

Loki pushed as best as he could. It was just enough for the baby to grab Ororo’s thumbs and pull herself free. Ororo cried out in surprised delight as the newborn wrapped its legs around her. She held the baby up for all to see. “It’s a beautiful little girl!”

Besides being abnormally strong and dexterous, Jade was about the size of a typical human four month old, with blue-green skin and a thatch of bloody white hair on her head. Ornate patterns decorated her chest and face. She looked at Loki with vivid magenta eyes and hissed.

Loki fainted.


	19. Chapter 19

Loki woke and found Bruce beside him, apparently on some sort of stool. The med bay was empty. No one watched from the window. The bright lights were dark. Only sporadic track lights lit the room. Bruce smiled at him and caressed his forehead.  
Loki reached out to touch his husband’s lips. Bruce kissed his fingertips. “Don’t worry,” said Bruce. “Our gorgeous little frosthulk is fine. You’ll get to see her soon. They’ve taken her to another room to clean her up and do some tests without disturbing you.”

“Great,” said Loki, hoping he sounded convincing.

“You poor thing.” Bruce kissed his palm. “You sound so weak. You must be exhausted.”

“Very,” said Loki. “Utterly. Entirely.” He closed his eyes as Bruce massaged his hand. “I’m dead.” He looked at Bruce suddenly. “But I’m not.” His gaze flicked to the dim lights around the room, each subtly piercing the shadows. He swallowed. “I dreamed I was dangling from the Bifrost, nothing but blackness at my feet. All I could hear was Odin’s mocking voice encouraging me to let go.

“And then I heard you.” He locked eyes with Bruce. “And I could feel your voice—not just around me—but inside me, within the marrow of my bones. Our veins and arteries merged. All of the nerves. Everything. Until we were completely connected.” He paused, not sure how to explain. Bruce held his hand and watched him in silence.

Loki continued. “And then—there was the world. I felt that same connectedness, but to the world—and life itself. It called to me. It sang all through my body.” He smiled weakly at Bruce. “Then I felt you lifting me up. And then I woke.”

Bruce leaned over and softly kissed his lips. Loki, his movements hindered somewhat by the IV, ran his fingers through Bruce’s hair. When their lips parted, they stayed close, their foreheads touching, their eyes shut, sharing breath. “That last part,” Loki whispered, “isn’t just a dream. All my life I’ve felt isolated, different. You’ve made me feel like part of the world.”

“You did that yourself,” said Bruce gently. “You were brave enough to open yourself up to it.”

Loki, his wrists crossed around Bruce’s neck, tickled him lightly. “I was brave because you were beside me.” Before his scientist could respond, Loki crushed against him and burrowed deep into his mouth. Bruce responded in kind with a small, needy sound that was half grateful and half lustful.

Loki gave a low groan as Bruce’s hand found his woozy cock and worked it into throbbing alertness. He arched back against the pillows as Bruce’s mouth traveled hungrily down his body, kissing all of the sore places through the thin hospital gown. And then that sweet, succulent mouth made it to his pulsing, veiny cock.

“Your precum tastes like rose petals and fig nectar,” said Bruce, his voice breathy and rapturous.

“So…uh…why don’t we put you two in a room?” said Fitz. As Bruce hastily covered Loki, Fitz examined his tablet. “Rose petals and fig nectar, huh? That’s definitely not in our records….”

* * *

Loki groaned as he sprawled on the tiny bunk in the cramped quarters. Not only was the room Fitz had led them to woefully inadequate, but the time they had taken getting there had played havoc with Loki’s balls. They felt swollen and heavy, and the ache tormenting them had begun to creep into his lower abdomen. Normally, he welcomed a certain amount of pain, but a deep soreness lay in every muscle of his body.

Bruce crawled into the space formed by Loki’s legs—one crooked and resting against the wall, the other splayed off the bunk. “Poor Loki.” Bruce rubbed Loki’s inner thighs. “Lie still. I’ll take care of you.”

Loki’s breath threaded through his lips as Bruce’s tongue swirled around his feverish balls. For a moment, he felt he might come just from having his balls sucked. He moaned, thrusting his hips. His throbbing cock beat against Bruce’s head.

Bruce laughed, caught it and gave it a rough squeeze, then rubbed its head across his lips. He rumbled happily at Loki’s yearning moan. “I love you,” he breathed into the cock as if it were a microphone. “I love you.” He mouthed up the shaft. He gave the glans a small, chaste kiss. Loki giggled as a string of precum stuck to the tip of Bruce’s nose. “I love you, Loki,” Bruce said with absolute sincerity and an expression much too somber for a man with a bead of precum on the end of his nose.

“I love you,” said Loki, trailing off into a yelp as Bruce dove on his cock like an orca eating a seal. He threw back his head in ecstasy as his glans thudded against the back of Bruce’s throat. He closed his eyes, awash in lips and mouth and warm suction.

And then Bruce’s hand slid up the hospital gown and began hunting around Loki’s stomach. Loki caught his hand and put it aside. “The stoma’s gone.”

Bruce bobbed up from cock sucking. “Okay.” His hand pounced back on Loki’s stomach like a hungry spider and began rolling about the soft, stretched skin of Loki’s middle.

Loki caught the hand and gave it a sharp squeeze. “Don’t.”

Bruce came off Loki’s cock, looking confused. “Aren’t you sore?”

“Yes,” said Loki with a touch more bitterness than he intended.

“I thought I would massage you.”

“I’ve been too sore and tired to heal properly. I’m all mushy and ruined. It’s disgusting.”

Bruce looked affronted. “How can you say that? Of course your body’s showing a little wear after all it’s been through. It’s not disgusting at all. It’s wondrous and heroic.”

“The texture is very strange.” Loki felt vulnerable in his embarrassment. “I don’t want it to turn you off.” But he allowed Bruce to touch him.

“It’s just soft,” Bruce said. He gave Loki’s glans slow, sucking kisses as he massaged Loki’s abdomen. “That doesn’t feel good?”

“It does,” Loki whispered. He watched Bruce in amazement. “You even love me when I’m ugly.”

Bruce choked on Loki’s cock for a moment, then struggled up with a gasp. “What? There’s no such thing as an ugly Loki.”

“No. You’re right. Of course, you’re right.” He relaxed and let himself enjoy Bruce’s ministrations. He wanted to watch Bruce suck him, but after a while he ground his chin into his shoulder, feeling overcome. Again and again his cock slid deep into Bruce’s throat. Warm, wet pressure nurtured him as Bruce’s strong hands rubbed his stomach and hips. As his body filled with rushing sensations, he felt Bruce’s name hissing through his lips, louder and louder as the intensity increased. He gripped the sheets and wailed, “Fucking Bruce!”

Cum sprayed in Bruce’s mouth. Loki groaned and shook with pleasure as he shot volley after volley down Bruce’s throat. Bruce sucked him dry, slurping as he made certain he had drained Loki completely.

“I bet your back and your shoulders need rubbing too,” Bruce said, sounding energized.

“And my ass. I’m sure it was heroic, as well.”

Bruce laughed. “Of course. I’m going to massage every last inch of you.”

Loki sighed blissfully as Bruce kneaded his thigh.

* * *

Loki hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until Bruce woke him with a drink in hand. “What’s this?” he asked, but grinned as soon as it was close enough to smell. “Chocolate frozen yogurt banana smoothie!” He licked the whipped cream on top. “With tofu cream? How did you manage this?”

Bruce sat on the bed next to him, looking quite smug. “They let me raid the kitchen. It was surprisingly well-stocked.” He snuggled next to Loki on the bed. “And Coulson let me borrow this tablet.” He played with it for a minute, then held it up so Loki could watch it propped up in bed while drinking his smoothie.

Loki peered at the screen, then grinned hugely as soon as the familiar theme song began to play. “ _Robot Chicken_!” He heaved a happy sigh as Bruce leaned against his shoulder. With a quick spell, he healed his body to its normal condition. His body was lithe and slender once again, his skin as taut and perfect as usual. It was as if the pregnancy had never happened.

The closing credits were playing when there was a knock on the door. Simmons, looking somewhat bedraggled, entered, holding Jade. “Here’s your little bundle of joy,” she said with a forced levity. She handed the baby to Bruce. The baby’s odd coloring and markings were even more noticeable now that she was clean. Her downy white hair stood up like a thick mohawk. One little blue-green hand clutched a hunk of reddish hair.

“What happened here?” said Bruce, pulling at the trophy. Jade’s grip tightened, and she yanked it away from him awkwardly, spewing bubbles.

“She didn’t care for most of the tests,” said Simmons. “For now, we’re just going to assume she’s healthy. I should see to Fitz’s scratches.” She backed toward the door. “So, she’s all yours now! Enjoy!”

After she was gone, Bruce tickled the baby’s chin. “You’re feisty, aren’t you?”

“Maybe that should be her middle name.”

“No,” said Bruce, taking Loki’s flippant remark seriously. He peered into the horrible baby’s face, his own softening as his gaze lengthened. “What’s ‘healer’ in old Norse?”

“Læknir. Why?”

“Læknir,” Bruce repeated. “Her healing ability kept you alive.” He hugged the baby to his chest and rubbed her head with his chin. “If she never does anything more than that she’ll be a hero as far as I’m concerned.”

Loki realized then that Bruce hadn’t simply accepted the weird little creature—he already loved her. Loki wasn’t sure how he felt about her. At the moment, he didn’t feel anything at all. “Læknir seems like a good middle name.”

A knock at the door announced She-Hulk and Loden. “They told me Jade was here,” she said. “He’s been dying to see the baby.” She stroked Jade’s Jotun-marked forehead. “You have such beautiful eyes, baby girl.” Jade made a horrid squawking sound and flailed her limbs. She-Hulk laughed. “She’s really something, isn’t she?”

“She is,” said Loki, “something.”

After kissing Jade’s forehead and wishing them well, She-Hulk left.

Loden petted Jade’s clawed, bare foot. “She’s awesome!” said Loden. He looked at Bruce. “Feynman can sleep with you again. Jade’s going to sleep in my room.”

“Jade has her own room,” said Bruce. “Remember?” He knelt so Loden could see the baby better.

Loden traced the markings on her cheek. “She smells a little like a Christmas tree,” he said in an awed voice.

Loki winced. “That’s a Jotun odor,” Bruce said proudly.

Loden giggled, delighted. “You’re so cool,” he cooed to the baby. “Jade’s the best baby ever.”

But Loki still thought the baby was hideous. How could he ever love the ugly little thing as much as he loved Loden? How would he ever be able to raise something he could barely bring himself to even look at? Frigga’s words assailed him. _Some children are difficult to love…._

“Let’s let Fädir hold her,” he heard Bruce say.

Loki didn’t want to hold her. He didn’t want anything to do with her. He fought a cringe as Bruce put the baby in his arms. He looked into her horrible Jotun-like face. Her freakish magenta eyes stared at him. She whimpered and shook.

And then he held a tiny human newborn, fragile and pale as porcelain, with a full head of fuzzy brown hair. Her head needed to be supported, and she was as small and thin as one would expect a baby born one month premature to be. Her muzzy eyes were a shade of blue he suspected would turn to brown once the baby blue disappeared. “Oh,” said Loki in a voice hushed and pleased, “look how beautiful she is!”

He stroked her face, taking inventory of her features. Her full lips reminded him of Bruce’s. The broad forehead and pointy chin couldn’t have been more Loki. He nosed her tiny hands and kissed her delicate feet. “She’s lovely. She even smells right.”

Loden shrugged. “I guess she’s okay like that.”

“She’s perfect in any form she takes.” Bruce caressed Jade’s downy head and kissed Loki’s cheek.

But she’s more perfect in this one, thought Loki, and was grateful the baby wasn’t doomed to exist only as a frosthulk.


	20. Chapter 20

Nearly two years later

“December is the busiest month,” said Loden, carefully removing the excess dough from around his goat-shaped cookie cutter. The slender six-year-old and his aquamarine-skinned sister sat on bar stools at the granite kitchen island, turning the dough Bruce rolled for them into various animal shapes to serve as metaphorical sacrifices for tomorrow’s Yuletide celebration. “Daddy’s birthday, then Yule, then Christmas, then Jade’s birthday. It’s one holiday after another.”

Jade looked up from pouring sprinkles on her reindeer cookie to catch Bruce’s eye. “I want a puppy.” She wiped a snowy lock from her face with the back of her hand. “For Christmas would be best, but my birthday would be okay.”

“We can’t get a puppy right now,” he told her. “But I know you’ll get some things you’ll like.”

“I only want a puppy,” said Jade. Although devoid of pout, her voice teemed with disappointment.

“Sometimes we don’t get what we want,” said Loki, brisk and freshly showered. He marched up to Bruce and kissed him. “But sometimes we do,” he whispered in Bruce’s ear, flicking his tongue around the lobe.

Before Bruce could respond, Loki plucked a floppy, uncooked cookie off a baking sheet and devoured it in one gulp. “Ugh, they’re not all gingerbread, are they?” He began picking through the sheets of cookies. “Tell me there’s some chocolate chip in here somewhere.”

Jade giggled. Loden rolled his eyes. Bruce gave Loki a small plate of cookies. “These are yours. Save the rest for Yule.” He grinned to himself as Loki walked around them, surveying their efforts while munching. Loki ate sacrifices; Loki didn’t make sacrifices—at least, not the cookie kind.

“We need pictures,” Loki said suddenly. In a moment, he had his phone and began documenting the event. “Jade, we’re taking pictures. Don’t you want to turn?”

Jade stared at him. “No,” she said in a small voice.

“Sure you do. We’re sending these to everyone.” Loki snapped his fingers. “And turn.”

Bruce started to say something, but Loden beat him to it. “She said she doesn’t want to. Leave her alone.”

Loki scowled at the boy. “You’ve become very lippy ever since you started school.”

“She likes her frosthulk form best. She only wears the human one for you.”

Feeling suddenly like an outsider, Bruce watched Loki and Loden squabble. Jade, across the island from him, was as quiet as he was. Although as tall as her older brother in her current form, she seemed to be trying to shrink on her stool.

“Loki!” Bruce took Loki’s shoulder. “I need to show you something in our bedroom.” Although sometimes this was code for having sex, it was also code for having a private conversation.

Loki threw a parting glare at Loden, then followed Bruce to the bedroom. “What?” he demanded as soon as the door was closed.

“You told me you weren’t going to do this anymore.”

“Do what? Eat cookies? Argue with Loden?”

Bruce didn’t smile. “Bother Jade about turning.”

Loki heaved a dramatic sigh. “We’re taking pictures. Holiday pictures! Everyone will see them.”

“Yeah?” Bruce shrugged. “So?”

“So, she should look her best.”

“She looks fine either way.”

Loki sighed as if Bruce were being difficult. “Her Midgardian appearance is more presentable. You know that.”

“I don’t. When Loden was little he spent most of his time wearing a magical horned helm and in the form of a gang. I don’t remember that being a problem for you.”

“Don’t give me all this hippie ‘appearances don’t matter’ garbage. What if she wanted to run around with strawberry jam all over her face? Then what?”

Bruce dropped to the bed and had to hold his face in his hands for a moment before confronting Loki again. “We’re talking about her natural coloration,” he said finally. “Not dirt.”

“No, we’re talking about looking one’s best.”

“Oh, Loki,” Bruce said sadly. “Do you still hate yourself so much?”

“Hate myself? Are you calling me Jotun? I’m not Jotun. You said before we were married that you understood that.”

Bruce sighed. “Yes. I understand the way you feel about it.”

Loki’s nostrils flared. “That’s NOT what you said before! You said you loved me—the real me!”

Bruce became quieter in the face of Loki’s rage. “I guess, in a way, I lied.”

Loki shook his head slightly, his stiff posture radiating anger.

“You aren’t Jotun. You’re not Asgardian. You’re so much more than a label or someone else’s construct. I don’t love the ‘you’ you present to the world. I don’t love the ‘you’ you deny exists. The Loki I love transcends ethnicities, borders, worlds.” He restrained himself from touching the trickster. “You fret over what you can see, when what’s truly important are all of the things you can’t.”

They stared at each other.

“This has nothing to do with me,” said Loki, arms folded across his slight chest.

Bruce watched Loki in silence. In as calm and quiet a voice as he could muster he said, “I love you, but I’m not going to let you hurt her just because you still don’t understand your own damage.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. He looked bemused. “That—” He zigzagged a finger through the air between them. “That wasn’t supposed to be sexy, was it?”

“No. That was supposed to be serious.”

“Then why am I so turned on?”

The confused desperation in his voice made Bruce laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe because everything turns you on?”

Loki pounced on him, straddling him, and knocked him backward on the bed. “Mmm…no. I think it’s because you’re so protective of our children, you would even protect them from me.” His teeth clacked against Bruce’s as he pinned his mouth with an aggressive kiss. “You’re wrong about needing to protect them from me, of course, but how fucking hot you are when you’re wrong.”

Bruce held Loki by his arms. “Stop bothering her. Let her be what she wants to be.”

Loki watched him for a moment, then nodded. He sighed and stared at the door. “We probably shouldn’t fuck right now, should we?”

Bruce kissed his throat. “No, but we can do all kinds of things later.”

They kissed their way off the bed and out the door. As they joined the children in the kitchen, it was as if they hand never disagreed about anything in their lives. They laughed and sang and filled the apartment with the fragrance of baking cookies. As the evening waned, Loki picked up his phone to take a picture and frowned.

“What is it?” asked Bruce.

“Text from Thor.” Loki made his ‘dumbfuck Thor’ face and read the text. His features froze and his posture stiffened. He stood up and left without saying a word.

“What’s wrong?” asked Loden.

Bruce’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He looked at it just as a small blast shook the wall the living area shared with the bedroom, followed by the sound of breaking glass.

Bruce reassured the children and sent them to Loden’s room to play. Then he went to see Loki, unsure of what he would find.  
“She’s dead,” said Loki quietly, clutching one of the sturdy iron bedposts. “Mother—Frigga.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Bruce, moving toward him.

“No. Don’t touch me,” Loki said, his voice breathless.

“Loki—”

“He fucking TEXTED me! A TEXT!!! The fucking asshole! If I didn’t know I wasn’t part of the family before—” He ground a gasp against the bedpost. He straightened, went to the closet, and began dressing in his armor—his movements jerky and angry.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to teach him how to use his phone.” He thrust his hand through his gauntlet with a dangerous glint in his eye.

“He texted me too,” Bruce said quietly and showed Loki his phone.

Loki glowered as he read aloud. “Mother died today. Take care of Loki. He’ll need you.” His fingers slid over the straps of his pauldron. “I suppose contacting you demonstrates a certain level of concern. And his instruction, although delivered with the simplicity of a child telling someone to watch his hamster while on vacation, could be construed as…something.” He looked up at Bruce with an expression of sad bafflement. “That last part—one might even think he has some understanding of the dynamics of our relationship.”

“Yeah, that’s about what I took from it.”

Loki heaved a sigh and shed his armor. Bruce watched him and grieved silently for his dry-eyed god. Loki sank to the bed. “I can’t go to the funeral….” He shook himself. “Not that it matters. She wasn’t my real mother.” He stood up and smiled at Bruce. “Let’s decorate the Yule log with the kids.”

“Loki, don’t you want to—”

“I know what I want. I want to decorate the Yule log.”

“If you don’t deal with these feelings—”

“BRUCE!”

“Yes, Loki?”

“I WANT to decorate the Yule log!”

“Okay,” said Bruce. “But Loki—”

Loki swept him into a hug. “It’s okay,” Loki whispered. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m sure this stirs up all sorts of bad memories for you.” He kissed Bruce’s temple. “Don’t worry, Bruce; I’m here for you.”

Bruce sighed and tightened his grip on Loki’s slender frame, wishing it were somehow within his power to keep him from all harm. “I love you, Loki.”

***

Loki smiled across the flames at Bruce as they burned the Yule log in the fire pit on the balcony outside their bedroom. The children had decorated it the night before with ribbons, berries, drawings, and runes. Loden, beside Bruce, still seemed a little sulky because Bruce had made him put away his game. Jade sat next to Loki, holding the stuffed indigo alligator Jennifer and Ororo and given her. She sat perfectly still. Her solemn expression was somewhat at odds with the glittery purple tutu peeping out from beneath her fluffy pink coat and her lavender unicorn-head knit hat.

Loki pointed to her little plate of grape stems, nibbled cheese, and untouched cookies. “You didn’t eat your sacrifices?”

She looked up at him, her fawn’s eyes bright and dark. “I like making them,” she said in a confessional tone, “more than eating them.”

Loki twisted one of her brown curls around his finger. “You made some truly lovely ones. You and Loden both.”

“Are we doing Regrets now?” asked Loden, holding the plain index cards.

“Certainly,” said Loki. “Will you make sure everyone gets a card?” Loden obeyed, and Loki said, with a formal air, “We celebrate Yule on the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year and the longest night. On the card before you, write the regrets you would like to give to the darkness. Once we’ve finished, we’ll burn our cards in the Yule fire and let the smoke carry our burdens into the night.”

Loki smiled as Bruce, Loden, and Jade lowered their heads and began busily filling out their cards. Although Jade could write little more than her name, Loden had been practicing the ritual with her, so she drew and scribbled her message with as serious intent as the others. Loki gazed at the flames. The fire burned and crackled, bright as a funereal ship set adrift. He began writing.

Suddenly, his chest felt heavy. He blinked back tears. And then he could no longer hold back the torrent of emotions assailing him. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

“Oh, Loki.” Vast sympathy burdened Bruce’s voice.

“I ran out of room,” Loki managed finally. He broke down again.

“What happened?” asked Loden.

“His mother died,” Bruce said softly.

“Frigga?” asked Loden.

“Yes.” Bruce’s voice was even softer.

“What’s a Frigga?” asked Jade.

Her question opened a new hole in Loki’s heart. He struggled to compose himself and failed. When he managed, at last, to stop crying, he shook his head at Bruce and said, “I can’t do this.”

A little mittened hand knocked on his side. Jade waved an index card at him. “I still have room. We can share!”

Swallowing, Loki smiled at her through his tears and nodded. “Thank you. That’s very sweet.”

Jade beamed. Loki wiped his face as he took Jade’s card. He looked at the squiggly drawings and felt as if he’d been punched in the chest. Although the forms were crude, the figures were easily identifiable. One was Jade in frosthulk form; the other was Loki, frowning behind her.

“What’s this?” Loki asked her.

Jade stared up at him uneasily. Loden jumped to her defense. “Regrets are supposed to be private. They’re between the writer and the multiverse.”

“We’re sharing,” Loki told him. He touched Jade’s shoulder gently. “What does this mean?”

“It means—” Jade watched his face with troubled eyes, then dropped her gaze and twiddled her little mittened hands. “I’m sorry my frosthulk form makes you sad.”

“It reminds me of things that make me sad, but you never make me sad. Ever.”

One of her little skittish smiles flashed across her features but didn’t take. She was so much more insecure than Loden. So much quieter. He had attributed the disparity to gender differences. But now, he wondered. He kissed her forehead. “It’s okay to smile,” he whispered.

“Is it okay if I turn?” she asked shyly.

“Yes. Of course.”

And then a heart-shaped, sea green face stared back at him. He stroked the snowy forelock aside and smiled into the bright magenta eyes. He tried to see her without prejudice. Her frosthulk face was easily as beautiful as her human face. Her exotic markings, if seen merely as aesthetic, enhanced her features. In this form, he knew, she was spookily poised and athletic for an almost-two-year old, but there was nothing inherently wrong with that. He realized then he had looked at his daughter, for years, with the same unwillingness to truly accept her that his parents had been guilty of with him.

He caressed her cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he said tenderly. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like there was.”

“You need to write your regrets,” she reminded him.

“Yes.” He turned his attention to the index card. “Yes, you’re right.” He wrote around his daughter’s drawings, sighed, then folded the card.

Jade pressed against his arm. “What does it say?” When he balked, she said, “You can tell me—we’re sharing.” She brushed her white veil of hair away from her face and leaned closer.

He read softly. “I regret all of the harm I’ve caused, every unkind word and deed.”

Jade turned to confront him with a somber gaze. She patted his shoulder. “That’s good, Fädir. Very good.”

Across from them, Loden fed his regret to the flames, and Bruce watched Loki with an expression of such compassion that Loki had to blink away new tears. He cleared his throat. “Now it’s our turn,” he told Jade, and they dropped their cards into the fire. He took a deep breath as Loden passed out the next round of plain index cards.

“Would you like me to announce the next part?” asked Bruce.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” said Loki, pleased.

“Although,” said Bruce, “winter solstice is the longest night, it marks a turning point. Every day after gains a little more light, until summer arrives. On the card before you, write your hopes for the coming year. We’ll burn the cards in the Yule fire, where the heat will recombine the constituent elements of the cellulose of the paper, conserving mass while—”

“The cards will burn and make smoke,” said Loki. He scolded Bruce in a stage whisper. “This is a holiday ritual; not a chemistry lesson. Stay on script.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and laughed. “And the smoke will carry our hopes into the night.”

Loki tapped the butt of the pen against his lips, thinking. As he finished writing, Jade peered over his arm. “Share?” she asked.

“I hope,” Loki whispered in her ear, “I treat everyone better—especially the people I love.”

She rewarded him with an exuberant, slightly too rough, hug.

He smiled at her as she folded her card. “Share?”

She sobered and passed him her card shyly.

This time, there were no drawings. Only the nonsense scribbles Jade imagined as writing. He admired the graceful loops of her squiggles for a moment, then said, “My eyes are very tired. Would you mind reading it to me?”

She nodded and carefully whispered into his ear, “I hope Fädir forgives himself.”

He stared at her in surprise.

“There’s more,” she said.

Loki touched his ear and nodded.

She put her lips close to his ear. Her words puffed against his skin in hot little breaths. “And I hope I get a puppy.”

He laughed. “I’m glad we shared. I have to add that to mine.” He wrote on the card in large runes. “There. I amended it. I hope I treat everyone better, and I want a puppy. Perfect.” He added their cards to the fire, then caught Jade around the waist, pulled her into his lap, and buried his nose in her white, Christmas tree-scented hair. “I love you.”

“I love _you_ ,” she said adamantly and hugged him back.

Queen’s _Under Pressure_ with David Bowie lifted from the outdoor speakers. Jade and Loden, who were quite familiar with all of their parents’ music, bounced up and began to dance in the silly, exaggerated fashion of children. Loki shook his head at Bruce. “ _This_ is what you chose for the Yule carol this year?”

“I like this song,” said Bruce, shrugging.

“Yeah, I like it well enough. But what does it have to do with the sun or change or Yule or anything?”

Bruce pulled him to his feet. “Just dance with me, Loki.”

Because the small, crowded balcony offered little room for dancing—especially with what little room there was being taken over by the antics of sugar-fueled children—Loki and Bruce engaged in a somewhat cleaned up version of how they danced in crowded clubs, with Bruce kind of bobbing about while Loki wriggled up and down him. At last, Bruce grabbed Loki, held him fast, and kissed him. Lyrics from the song filled Loki’s head as he closed his eyes to plumb the depths of Bruce’s mouth in the darkness.

_And love dares you to care for_  
_The people on the edge of the night_  
_And love dares you to change our way of_  
_Caring about ourselves._

Loki looked into Bruce’s eyes and smiled. “This was perfect.”

“You’re perfect.”

“No, I’m mischievous,” said Loki. “But the two of us together—that’s perfect.”

As the song played and the Yule log burned, smoke bore the family’s regrets and hopes over a magical city in Midgard and carried them aloft to the realms beyond.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my wonderful beta readers pushbuttonkitty and KlaattuDuLak for encouragement and suggestions. Thanks also to Soprano for courageously editing my fic. Anything fucked up with it now is my fault. Thank you, Sublime42, for information and general support. I love you guys.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * ["Svelte and Beautiful"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422574) by [IceNChrome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceNChrome/pseuds/IceNChrome)




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